I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.


Jeff Kinney

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JEFF GREENFIELD
One of the pillars of backward thinking in America is the idea that you can have jobs or you can hav...
JEFF GOODELL
I'm actually the son of Mary Guibert. My mother was born in the Panama Canal zone and came to Am...
JEFF BUCKLEY
I certainly try to avoid getting bogged down in forensics. There is certainly a whole lot of other w...
JEFF LINDSAY
I love the ocean. Boats, not so much.
JEFF GOLDBLUM
You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remem...
JEFF FOXWORTHY
Sensitivity isn't being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a ...
JEFF BUCKLEY
It is very difficult to get people to focus on the most important things when you're in boom tim...
JEFF BEZOS
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if y...
JEFF FOXWORTHY
People can transcend and overcome their differences and be very easily bonded.
JEFF FORTENBERRY
If I'm on form and I'm not being bothered too much by mental problems or whatever, I can whi...
JEFF BECK
It's not a born-again thing; it was a peaceful, really, really cool moment where I just felt tha...
JEFF FISHER
For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a ver...
JEFF LINDSAY
There is no such thing as political science, but there are tenancies so strong that they might as we...
JEFF GREENFIELD
Stop trying to treat music like it's a tennis shoe, something to be branded. If the music indust...
JEFF TWEEDY
For special wrestlers, there's somewhere else to go - as long as you're not brainwashed by t...
JEFF HARDY
From the industry's point of view, the problem is not that coal companies blast the top off moun...
JEFF GOODELL
I'm lying in my bed, blanket is warm, this body will never keep me safe from harm. I still feel ...
JEFF BUCKLEY
I am not going to approve the home-screening format for my film just carte blanche in lieu of a thea...
JEFF NICHOLS
Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this w...
JEFF MACNELLY
I am not the Jeff Sessions my detractors have tried to create. I am not a racist. I am not insensiti...
JEFF SESSIONS
I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
JEFF FOXWORTHY
Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of the...
JEFF ZASLOW
But there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the...
JEFF VANDERMEER
I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better th...
JEFF LINDSAY
You can't do everything but you can do something!
JEFF DIXON
Acting is nothing more or less than playing. The idea is to humanize life.
JEFF GOLDBLUM
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
JEFF VALDEZ
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
JEFF PESIS
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
JEFF DALY
Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions... so find out how to light their fires.
JEFF DEWAR
We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there alw...
JEFF WARNER
I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
JEFF FOXWORTHY
Do you remember how slowly the days passed when you were a child? An 80-mile car trip seemed endless...
JEFF DAVIDSON
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffics terrible.
JEFF TAYLOR
What are the best times to reflect on the course of your life? Whenever you are near water, such as ...
JEFF DAVIDSON
Ask yourself, If I had only sixty seconds on the stage, what would I absolutely have to say to get m...
JEFF DEWAR
The constant dilemma of the information age is that our ability to gathera sea of data greatly excee...
JEFF DAVIDSON
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
JEFF ARDER
When a heart breaks it also opens -Jeff Arch- screenwriter.
JEFF ARCH
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
JEFF DALY
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the wor...
JEFF FOXWORTHY