Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today? Peanut: Yes we had a great day! Jose: No we did not. Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No we did not have a good day. Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day! What? Jeff: Did you have a good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: A good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa. Peanut: I took him to the spa! Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer. Peanut: It's the same thing!!!
Jeff Dunham
Related No more rhymes now I mean it!” “Anybody want a peanut?” “AAHH! WILLIAM GOLDMAN Probably? So you're asking me to trust my life to steel wool and peanut butter?" "Poisoned pean... SCOTT WESTERFELD Kuh-laire, Is cam a fattening Girl Scout Cookie layered with peanut butter and a chocolate coating?<... LISI HARRISON He looked pained. “I don’t eat peanut butter.” That genuinely shocked her. “Who doesn�... CHRISTINE FEEHAN Knock! knock! who's there? me! me who? that's right? what's right? mee... SHEL SILVERSTEIN I have peanut M&M's up there." "Not my style" "Raisinets." "Feh." "Sam Adams... J.R. WARD Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES -Do you want me to leave? -Yes -Do you want me to stay? -Yes -Do you love me? MALAK EL HALABI No Difference Small as a peanut, Big as a giant, We're all the same size W... SHEL SILVERSTEIN normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean enti... DAVE BARRY Yes no yes no yes no? Red blue? Yes red, no blue? No red, yes no? In out, up dow... DAVID BAIRD No. --Claire Bullshit! Yes, a world of yes. --Eve RACHEL CAINE Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?' 'Yes,' said Harry. 'You ca... J.K. ROWLING You should go order a sweet roll. Those are to die for. And a carne adovada burrito." DARYNDA JONES Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?" "Yes," said Harry ... J.K. ROWLING Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?" "Yes." "You called her a liar?" "... J.K. ROWLING A Complete List of Lily's Nicknames Silly Little Lil Monkey Bunny Bunn... STEVEN ROWLEY Is Tyson okay?" I asked. The question seemed to take my dad by surprise. He's fine. Doing much ... RICK RIORDAN Jeff: I could go to New York if I wanted to, but what's the point? So I can learn how to order a cap... ERIC BOGOSIAN Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?' 'One of t... DEREK LANDY I asked,”Are you going to pick up next time I call you?” ”I did this time didn’t I?”<... MAGGIE STIEFVATER God, he’s such a cocky, arrogant bastard at times. And I totally fancy him. No I don�... SAMANTHA TOWLE You wanted to live," he says. "You say that like it's a good thing. A virtue." STEPHANIE KUEHN WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM? "Yes! The sun would have risen just the same,... TERRY PRATCHETT What's a Dullahan?' 'He's a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.' 'Headless?'... DEREK LANDY You will have memories Because of what we did back then When we were new at this, SAPPHO You’ve always got me” “Always?” “Didn’t I just say so?” “Yes” ... CLIVE BARKER I understand Crawford paid you a visit?" "Yes." "And was he attentive?" "Yes, very."<... JANE AUSTEN Do you ever miss him? Every day. Every minute. Every minute, she says. Yes, it's tha... AUDREY NIFFENEGGER And you're blind?" Uh-huh," Iggy said, trying to sound bored. Were you born that way?" JAMES PATTERSON You wanna-I dunno-get coffee or something sometime?" Justin smiled "Not coffee. But yes."... DAVID LEVITHAN Poseidon raised his eyebrows as they shook hands. “Blowfish, did you say?” "Ah, no. B... RICK RIORDAN Thank you," he says. "Thank who?" "I don't know. You?" "No, not me. Jesus ." DAVE EGGERS Like a pair of old slippers, I feel comfort and warmth as I slip into you. No, that i... KAMAND KOJOURI I have something to tell you." "How, you have something to tell me?" "You have... STEVEN BRUST Reagan was sitting up at Cath's desk when Cath woke up. "Are you awake?" "Have you been w... RAINBOW ROWELL And you'll always love me won't you? Yes And the rain won't make any difference? No ERNEST HEMINGWAY Are you still mad at me?" "Yes." "I'll go back to sleep, then." "Good. E.L. JAMES Why were you lurking under our window?" "Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing un... J.K. ROWLING Mental illness People assume you aren’t sick unless they see the sickness on you... EMM ROY Do you know a cure for me?" "Why yes," he said, "I know a cure for everything. Salt water... KAREN BLIXEN After a while Mary said, “Zsadist?” “Yeah?” “What are those markings... J.R. WARD Let me also say I wanna make you sandwhiches, And soup, And peanut butter cookies, Th... ANDREA GIBSON Hello," Life says, "Remember me? We started out together here When you were just a bundle<... JACOB NORDBY Unless you have the courage to say ‘no’ to the things you don’t want, it’s ha... DOMONIQUE BERTOLUCCI Yes, it was crunchy peanut butter. JASON BOHN Bursar?" "Yes, Archchancellor?" "You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', a... TERRY PRATCHETT Did you bring me a hamburger? Did I-No,Myrnin,I didn't bring you a hamburger.Bizarre.He'd neve... RACHEL CAINE Clov: Why this farce, day after day? Hamm: Routine. One never knows. [Pause.] Last night I saw... SAMUEL BECKETT Have dinner with me tonight?” Day asked his voice full of emotion. “Yes,” God answe... A.E. VIA Katherine," he said. He was still smiling. "Yes." She leaned closer. "Katherine..." "... L.J. SMITH Love is a place & through this place of love move (with brightness of peace) <... E.E. CUMMINGS There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again a... ANDREW HUSSIE And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) K... DR. SEUSS JAQUES: Rosalind is your love's name? ORLANDO: Yes, just. JAQUES: I do not lik... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for t... SHERMAN ALEXIE Yes, world. Truly. You disgust me. Please continue. ERIC JAROSINSKI Sheep?" "Sheep." "Sheep!" ... "Yes, as in baaaa. GAIL CARRIGER A man is always right to pursue the thing he loves. No matter even if it kills him? I thin... CORMAC MCCARTHY Not every day is awful. Not every day is good. Despite the way the hours pass I’m l... RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?' 'Er...yes.' 'But ... TERRY PRATCHETT Frustration was my constant companion. I wanted to scream. "What the he-eck are we supposed to do JAMES PATTERSON Someone killed my Mother and my Father and my Sister?" "Yes, someone did." "A Man?" "... NEIL GAIMAN Do you think you wear a mask?’ ‘I’m wearing one right now.’ Valentino smiled soft... CATHERINE DOYLE We'll all go out together when we go. Yes, we'll all go out together when we go. Oh, how t... JAMES PATTERSON Dad?" Jesus asked. "Yes, son?" God replied. "Why do birds sing?" Jesus asked. "Birds ... ANTHONY T. HINCKS I have a light A light that guides my sight I have a light A light that brightens my ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH You have to carry the fire." I don't know how to." Yes, you do." Is the fire real? Th... CORMAC MCCARTHY So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near-- Ah," s... ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY Have you ever been in love? Yes. What's it like? Great and terrible. Like Oz. ALEX ADAMS Tohru: "Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It's terrible! You see?! They're animals... NATSUKI TAKAYA Prioritise self-care & incorporate a MINIMUM of 60 mins 'ME TIME' into your daily routine. MIYA YAMANOUCHI See, the institutions and specialist, experts, you see. Yes, yes, experts, indeed. See, they wo... CRISTINA MARRERO Miss Tick sniffed. 'You could say this advice is priceless,' she said. 'Are you listening?' 'Ye... TERRY PRATCHETT Did you follow me here?" "Something like that." I let out a frustrated groan. "Can't anyon... MICHELLE ROWEN Basch: So why don't you ask her out? The Runt: I'm scared she wouldn't like me and say no... SAMUEL SHEM God has three answers to our prayers: 1. Yes 2. Not yet 3. I have something better in... LORI LYONS I promise I'll never tell." "Don't promise that," he said in an ultraserious voice. "If t... JERI SMITH-READY Do I strike you as a frivolous man, Kelly?" I look at him, sitting there in another thous... BILL BLAIS People are not an interruption of our business. People are our business. A man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes. It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground. The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed. The more intelligent a man is, the more originality he discovers in men. Ordinary people see no diff... The intelligence is proved not by ease of learning, but by understanding what we learn. Communication is something so simple and difficult that we can never put it in simple words. Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads Let love through good deeds show. How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. In everyone's heart stirs a great homesickness. That is the supreme value of history. The study of it is the best guarantee against repeating it. Our wisdom comes usually from our experience, and our experience comes largely from our experience. One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first ti... To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to... Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light. Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of... Some families can trace their ancestors back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their chi... A recent survey was said to prove that the people we Americans most admire are our politicians and d... If a man defrauds you one time, he is a rascal; if he does it twice, you are a fool. Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog. Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
More Jeff Dunham
We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Han... JEFF DUNHAM I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see... JEFF DUNHAM Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there... JEFF DUNHAM I think all the garbage in the world is thanks to a very small handful of idiots. JEFF DUNHAM My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto t... JEFF DUNHAM All through college, I was searching for characters that would make me unique and set me apart from ... JEFF DUNHAM In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on 'The Tonight Show' with Joh... JEFF DUNHAM The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until ... JEFF DUNHAM I think there's a lot of, unfortunately, unfunny ventriloquists out there, so they've got a ... JEFF DUNHAM Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I le... JEFF DUNHAM It's strange because even in the vaudeville days, ventriloquists were never the main attraction.... JEFF DUNHAM I had a happy, dramafree youth, growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Dallas, Texas. T... JEFF DUNHAM Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpe... JEFF DUNHAM When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and... JEFF DUNHAM A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things. JEFF DUNHAM I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a... JEFF DUNHAM I'm guilty of being fascinated by gadgets and toys and technology, but any penny that I spend, I... JEFF DUNHAM It's amazing how these little guys can say things that a mortal human could never get away with.... JEFF DUNHAM What I do for a living is whimsical and fun and ridiculous. I'm supposed to make people laugh. W... JEFF DUNHAM I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on tha... JEFF DUNHAM I taught myself computer. Then Macintosh came along, and it became a really bad addiction. If I wasn... JEFF DUNHAM I've never been truly hammered... Never. Not even in college. I was too busy driving or flying a... JEFF DUNHAM I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep p... JEFF DUNHAM The magic in performing as an entertaining ventriloquist happens when the characters come to life an... JEFF DUNHAM I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to... JEFF DUNHAM When I was in third grade I taught myself ventriloquism... What's hard is to learn to be an ente... JEFF DUNHAM But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue,... JEFF DUNHAM As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark. JEFF DUNHAM The only way a ventriloquist speaks differently is that he forgoes using his or her lips, and learns... JEFF DUNHAM We've gotten so used to them making the playoffs, to not even come close was a disappointment. But I... JEFF DUNHAM I'm happy to see them doing well. I'm encouraged, and you don't really pull together as a team until... JEFF DUNHAM It will be less of a retail center and have more of a downtown, urban feel. JEFF DUNHAM Winter's not over yet. I'm sorry. We're just at the end of February here. ALAN DUNHAM The last time we were above freezing was actually, it looks like probably Saturday afternoon at some... ALAN DUNHAM We're not going to get out of the 20s again today. ALAN DUNHAM Low this morning was 10, but it felt a lot colder than that. Wind chills were a little below zero. ALAN DUNHAM Boston and south will have the worst of the storm. Travel will be hazardous because of icy condition... ALAN DUNHAM The 85 mph wind, that's hurricane force. ALAN DUNHAM It will be mostly cloudy in the upper 30s, pretty nice weather. ALAN DUNHAM There will be a lot of rain and sleet mixed in. ALAN DUNHAM I quit acting when I was 11 because I was cast as a bouncing ball in 'Alice in Wonderland,' ... LENA DUNHAM Efficiency is intelligent laziness. DAVID DUNHAM If you dance, you dance because you have to. Every dancer hurts, you know. KATHERINE DUNHAM We have a group of friends of the museum who try to raise, if they can, periodically something to he... KATHERINE DUNHAM Black people should have recognition for themselves and their backgrounds and their relationships wi... KATHERINE DUNHAM I really think that aside from admiring my talent you really admire me as a person and as a woman. KATHERINE DUNHAM I have actually five honorary degrees. KATHERINE DUNHAM When I graduated college I had a series of just humiliating jobs that I couldn't believe I was a... LENA DUNHAM Without my husband's costumes I wouldn't have known how to accomplish what I saw in my own m... KATHERINE DUNHAM I had certain physical limitations that made me change the choreography for myself or made me more i... KATHERINE DUNHAM It's very easy for me to say what success is. I think success is connecting with an audience who... LENA DUNHAM Haiti itself was also photographed, some of the streets, some of the mountains, rivers, streams, etc... KATHERINE DUNHAM When you want to organize knowledge. you will be careful to base the classification upon essential q... BARROWS DUNHAM Positive, healthy, loving relationships in your twenties... I don't know if anyone would disagre... LENA DUNHAM We don't intend to always keep this necessarily African oriented. Originally I had hoped to have... KATHERINE DUNHAM It's interesting how we often can't see the ways in which we are being strong - like, you ca... LENA DUNHAM I'm ridiculous in my oversharing; my mom and sister are very open but a little more judicious th... LENA DUNHAM A creative person has to create. It doesn't really matter what you create. If such a dancer want... KATHERINE DUNHAM I don't think Ed Sullivan had anything to do with Carib Song. KATHERINE DUNHAM I love flawed female characters, duking it out. LENA DUNHAM I feel like you don't know if someone's equipped for a romantic relationship until they'... LENA DUNHAM I sort of tend to equate tattoos with prisoners, punks or people with a high level of self-confidenc... LENA DUNHAM I certainly feel my career was a great career because it inspired so many many people, literally hun... KATHERINE DUNHAM I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. LENA DUNHAM Gerber's just an awesome player. I give her props for being this tall and she can see the floor so w... MARIAH DUNHAM Pay for one commercial package and add one or more free programs. Set the primary package to scan al... KEN DUNHAM A lot of the problem is a matter of us believing in ourselves. Everybody has an excuse in the beginn... DAVID DUNHAM I felt a little twinge in the groin. I tried playing with it to see if the groin would loosen up, an... MIKE DUNHAM Sometimes I have given my husband a manuscript to read that has turned out to have fantastic rave re... KATHERINE DUNHAM I really believe engagement is a way to solve international problems, through dialogue and discussio... ARCHIE DUNHAM The Western oil companies have really been kept out of Saudi Arabia for many, many years, and I thin... ARCHIE DUNHAM I think clearly, Gov. Bush would be much more pro business. ARCHIE DUNHAM When it's low-budget, and you have one other person on the set, you have to make rules. LENA DUNHAM They're bloodsucking mosquitoes. You just can't get them all. KEN DUNHAM I learned that people are much more game to mock their own personas than you would think. LENA DUNHAM I always imagined that having a baby is something that I'm going to keep in a private place, but... LENA DUNHAM Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out. KATHERINE DUNHAM I take the position that, because of the ex post facto clause, in essence, my client is being held f... DARRELL DUNHAM But Saudi Arabia and Kuwait offer, I think, the best opportunities in the gas sector. ARCHIE DUNHAM I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but... LENA DUNHAM I think that people in the phase between being someone's kid and being someone's parent have... LENA DUNHAM The way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on disdain wh... LENA DUNHAM This could serve as a springboard for more attacks on the Macintosh because it might spawn copycats. KEN DUNHAM in particular among his siblings. FRANK DUNHAM You should boot from a clean disk before removing a virus. Some viruses can't be cleaned any other w... KEN DUNHAM We put a lot of extra runners on base. Then we had some untimely errors and they had timely hitting. DAVE DUNHAM I used to want the words "She tried" on my tombstone. Now I want "She did it." KATHERINE DUNHAM I wasn't concerned about the hardships, because I always felt I was doing what I had to do, what I w... KATHERINE DUNHAM The evil is not that you cannot change human nature. The evil is that human nature cannot change you... BARROWS DUNHAM A summary witness is ordinarily a dispassionate presenter, FRANK DUNHAM Here's what I have to say about being married: someday you will look at him, hating him with every f... LENA DUNHAM She has never listened to Deepak Chopra, switched to almond milk, or meditated. Yet she is here, in ... LENA DUNHAM I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person. KATHERINE DUNHAM I refresh Twitter as thoughtlessly as some twirl their hair. LENA DUNHAM I'm half Jewish half WASP. LENA DUNHAM I am not a particularly political person, but, as a Tribeca resident, the commodification of Septemb... LENA DUNHAM I sometimes want to make a book of every tattoo I wanted to get before I actually got a tattoo, beca... LENA DUNHAM We don't get it, but we get sanctions. It doesn't really matter where that witness is if there is a ... FRANK DUNHAM Let's call a spade a spade - a lot of times when you are a vegetarian it is a just not very effe... LENA DUNHAM I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa's house, and found the experience discon... LENA DUNHAM There is something vulnerable about showing your tattoos to people, even while it gives you a feelin... LENA DUNHAM She played a great defensive game. We all played great defense, it was our best defensive game of th... DAVE DUNHAM It was sloppy and we were rusty. Four of our girls just came off the basketball team and we're not q... DAVE DUNHAM I think this is good law. At some point in time, we have to say to defendants that if the statute of... DARRELL DUNHAM I think since the date of his arrest, my client has been held illegally. I think his constitutional ... DARRELL DUNHAM I used to want the words 'She tried' on my tombstone. Now I want 'She did it.' KATHERINE DUNHAM I always thought the saddest feeling in life is when you're dancing in a really joyful way and t... LENA DUNHAM There is a food fight going on there in the Executive Branch, I am sure. FRANK DUNHAM Obviously I'd like the man released. I think they [the government] probably concluded some time ago ... FRANK DUNHAM Whoop-dee-ding! They did the right thing. The court had to stand up for Hamdi. It's about all of us.... FRANK DUNHAM We don't even know if a guilty plea is going to be accepted by the judge on Friday. FRANK DUNHAM We could have people locked up all over the country tomorrow. The government saying 'trust us' is no... FRANK DUNHAM We have never authorized detention of a citizen in this county without giving him an opportunity to ... FRANK DUNHAM somewhat of a surprise, but not a total surprise. FRANK DUNHAM All adventurous women do. LENA DUNHAM Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading. LENA DUNHAM There's just way too much excess going on in our country. People throw things away and don't appreci... LAURA DUNHAM I think the year anniversary kind of puts an end to that period of time when the mourning is over. LAURA DUNHAM The ocean can give life and easily take life. It was important for me, personally, to have some clos... LAURA DUNHAM You know, this isn't theatre like it used to be. KATHERINE DUNHAM Frequently producers have partners that they never let the public know about. KATHERINE DUNHAM Aside from a few master teachers that we have had over the years, this has been a completely local t... KATHERINE DUNHAM We had maybe the greatest success of any company that I know of in Paris, and after two or three yea... KATHERINE DUNHAM For the kind of thing that we were showing, the budget was sufficient. As we were speaking of in Hai... KATHERINE DUNHAM Don't think you are going to go on forever because you are not and begin to plan something that ... KATHERINE DUNHAM So many dancers paint. I used to paint. I started again recently. While I was dancing, I was very bu... KATHERINE DUNHAM I could never live a nonproductive life and I feel that I have lived a productive life as far as I w... KATHERINE DUNHAM My work has been much more Caribbean and eclectic. I am interested in people, and where they come fr... KATHERINE DUNHAM The older I grow the more I see the influence of my family on my life. I didn't always see it. I... KATHERINE DUNHAM The best career advice given to the young is: 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to ... KATHERINE DUNHAM It's hard for a girl that short to see the floor as well as she does. Maybe she is small, but her pa... MARIAH DUNHAM We were trying to get offense going but we couldn't get anything going. We started going poor on our... MARIAH DUNHAM Women saying, 'I'm not a feminist' is my greatest pet peeve. Do you believe that women should be pai... LENA DUNHAM Every time I start feeling sexy I trip. LENA DUNHAM It strikes me as a sound, honest statement for a prospective voter to say: 'Look, I haven't ... JEFF GREENFIELD I do believe we have voter fraud in America. JEFF SESSIONS Where I grew up, I could be a punk rocker and a jock. But in college, it became apparent that those ... JEFF AMENT I cherish my privacy, and woe betide anyone who tries to interfere with that. JEFF BECK Richard Donner's friendship and guidance showed me that there's more to life than being an a... JEFF COHEN That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. JEFF FOXWORTHY Market leadership can translate directly to higher revenue, higher profitability, greater capital ve... JEFF BEZOS We expect all our businesses to have a positive impact on our top and bottom lines. Profitability is... JEFF BEZOS If you're competitor-focused, you have to wait until there is a competitor doing something. Bein... JEFF BEZOS It's not an experiment if you know it's going to work. JEFF BEZOS Life's too short to hang out with people who aren't resourceful. JEFF BEZOS What's dangerous is not to evolve. JEFF BEZOS I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people... JEFF KINNEY People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People ... JEFF ROSS If you can't tolerate critics, don't do anything new or interesting. JEFF BEZOS Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? JEFF FOXWORTHY 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' is my first book, and it's the fulfillment of a life-long dream. ... JEFF KINNEY I know Elon, we're very like minded in many ways. We're not conceptual twins. One thing I wa... JEFF BEZOS Tyria's a big world. We get a grand tour in 'Ghosts of Ascalon.' We're in Divinity... JEFF GRUBB When the blood of thousands of Americans is shed, the impact lingers. For a generation after the Civ... JEFF GREENFIELD You obviously don't really forget how to play the old songs; you just don't have to spend so... JEFF TWEEDY I think frugality drives innovation, just like other constraints do. One of the only ways to get out... JEFF BEZOS Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cy... JEFF BRIDGES It's not about finding relevance or perfection or imperfection in objects, but it's that you... JEFF KOONS There's kind of a Zen aspect to bowling. The pins are either staying up or down before you even ... JEFF BRIDGES The beauty of the Internet is that anybody can be a broadcaster now. JEFF ZUCKER When I was growing up, my house was filled with books. My mother was an educator, and my father was ... JEFF KINNEY Some states like Nebraska have thus far responsibly managed their budgets, even in tough times, and ... JEFF FORTENBERRY Puberty was the main culprit in ending my acting career. I went from being kind of this chunky littl... JEFF COHEN The Census Bureau can ask citizens very invasive questions, and if they don't respond, the gover... JEFF DUNCAN While the Census Bureau already has a legal obligation to keep people's information confidential... JEFF DUNCAN Monkeys can't talk, stupid! JEFF KINNEY What Richard and Mildred Loving did was, by their nature, not by any calculus, they separated themse... JEFF NICHOLS I think Vice is vastly overrated. And I think that if you are interested in reaching young males, wh... JEFF ZUCKER Why - because as a oil and gas small business owner - I know if someone is not doing their job, they... JEFF LANDRY Protestations of indifference to higher office are hard to take seriously when the 'non-candidat... JEFF GREENFIELD One of the pillars of backward thinking in America is the idea that you can have jobs or you can hav... JEFF GOODELL I'm actually the son of Mary Guibert. My mother was born in the Panama Canal zone and came to Am... JEFF BUCKLEY I certainly try to avoid getting bogged down in forensics. There is certainly a whole lot of other w... JEFF LINDSAY I love the ocean. Boats, not so much. JEFF GOLDBLUM You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remem... JEFF FOXWORTHY Sensitivity isn't being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a ... JEFF BUCKLEY It is very difficult to get people to focus on the most important things when you're in boom tim... JEFF BEZOS Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if y... JEFF FOXWORTHY People can transcend and overcome their differences and be very easily bonded. JEFF FORTENBERRY If I'm on form and I'm not being bothered too much by mental problems or whatever, I can whi... JEFF BECK It's not a born-again thing; it was a peaceful, really, really cool moment where I just felt tha... JEFF FISHER For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a ver... JEFF LINDSAY There is no such thing as political science, but there are tenancies so strong that they might as we... JEFF GREENFIELD Stop trying to treat music like it's a tennis shoe, something to be branded. If the music indust... JEFF TWEEDY For special wrestlers, there's somewhere else to go - as long as you're not brainwashed by t... JEFF HARDY From the industry's point of view, the problem is not that coal companies blast the top off moun... JEFF GOODELL I'm lying in my bed, blanket is warm, this body will never keep me safe from harm. I still feel ... JEFF BUCKLEY I am not going to approve the home-screening format for my film just carte blanche in lieu of a thea... JEFF NICHOLS Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this w... JEFF MACNELLY I am not the Jeff Sessions my detractors have tried to create. I am not a racist. I am not insensiti... JEFF SESSIONS I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did. JEFF FOXWORTHY Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of the... JEFF ZASLOW But there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the... JEFF VANDERMEER I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better th... JEFF LINDSAY You can't do everything but you can do something! JEFF DIXON Acting is nothing more or less than playing. The idea is to humanize life. JEFF GOLDBLUM Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. JEFF VALDEZ Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. JEFF PESIS Two monologues do not make a dialogue. JEFF DALY Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions... so find out how to light their fires. JEFF DEWAR