A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.


Groucho Marx

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره�...
مليكة مستظرف
The norm which the society at large has set today categorically is in the form of preventive measure...
HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT
لم يكن بمقدوري سوى الهروب إلى عالمي الخاص: إلى الحلم. أت...
مليكة مستظرف
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
I was a child prodigy. Like Michelangelo, who could draw a perfect circle at age five. I was extreme...
MICHAEL CIMINO
I was a sickly child, contracting tuberculosis at the age of five.
DINAH SHERIDAN
The question that remains unanswered and keeps coming to the fore is ‘Are the punishment schemes f...
HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT
In this life it is good to have the experience of raising a child from infant stage to adulthood,be ...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Thirty-five percent of the individuals that we arrest for trafficking in child pornography are in fa...
RAYMOND SMITH
We managed to rescue her two-day-old child, five-year-old child and her husband.
MALCOLM MIDGELY
I write, not for children,but for the child-like, whether they be of five, or fifty, or seventy-five...
GEORGE MACDONALD
Marlena's body was found on November 19, and so I consider that the anniversary of her death, though...
JULIE BUNTIN
Under the old rules, each tax benefit had its own definition of a child, a qualifying child and an e...
MARK STEBER
What an awful thing then, being there in our house together with our daughter gone, trying to be equ...
PAUL HARDING
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
Religion searches for reason, and never finds purpose. They think the purpose is to have better reas...
R.J. BLIZZARD
Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.
CLEMENT ATTLEE
Like a deep sad note
played beneath the ocean
waving through the orb
the memories of ...
PAWAN MISHRA
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
I had this inferiority complex as a child, as I was not good at speaking. I was also not good in stu...
SURIYA
If I were to reduce all my feelings and their painful conflicts to a single name, I can think of no ...
HERMANN HESSE
The shame and the downfall of a modern materialistic society is her inability to treasure, care for,...
C. JOYBELL C.
If you have a child under 17, you can take up to $1,000 off your tax liability per child and it does...
ELIZABETH SOMMER
I understand there may be complications in the life of a child if they no longer have a parent. But ...
GAYLE STOKES
We die a day at a time
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA
Pieces of me, I'm giving to you. In the words that I say and the things that I do.
SHELLI THOMPSON
Time heals everything but a broken heart when your child dies.
CARL WHITE
A child is not a Christian child, not a Muslim child, but a child of Christian parents or a child of...
RICHARD DAWKINS
The wisest keeps something of the vision of a child. Though he may understand a thousand things that...
JOHN MACY
...those of us who write for children are called, not to do something to a child, but be someone for...
KATHERINE PATERSON
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
The reality is that 90 percent of child sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone who is known to a...
CORY DAVIES
If a child says it has five senses, their parents will surely believe that it has the sixth one as w...
DIRCEU ALVES FERREIRA
If I was madly in love with someone who offered the opportunity to spend our lives together, I would...
CHARLIE ROSE
It is very rare for a child of God to find gold and crude oil on the floor to fetch. He/she must dig...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
How long before the parts of my body realized, independently, that something was wrong and arrived, ...
JOANNA WALSH
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
DAN QUAYLE
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is the price we pay to have had them in our lives.
ROB LIANO
I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG
A person of value have skill, a vision & a deep desire to achieve what they dream for. Happiness com...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
A man of guilt acknowledges and changes himself immediately on being hinted slightly about his fault...
ANUJ SOMANY
The school year progressed slowly. I felt as if I had been in the sixth grade for years, yet it was ...
LUCY GREALY
The value of a consultant;An outsider can see what an insider cannot see or has decided to ignore.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A family is like a card game, on one hand, you can get a really bad hand and on the other, your hand...
GARY F EVANS...
The worth of a person’s quote is in his or her heart where it takes the birth and the value of the...
ANUJ SOMANY
Walking the rugged trail of the unknown destiny can be filled with walls crashing and cracks on the ...
GARY F EVANS...
It makes you wonder why the human race can be so selfish and self-centered sometimes, when on cold w...
GARY F EVANS...
To have a pet in the family is to invite good health into your lives.It brings happiness to all and ...
GARY F EVANS...
I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape an...
ARTHUR GOLDEN
There are many women with children under five who want to work and who lack affordable, high-quality...
HARRIET HARMAN
Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi...
MARIANA FULGER
When a child is born, so are grandmothers.
JUDITH LEVY
Though we are terrorized by death, it's not different from birth, it just happens
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
A Child raised in the Mud should never point an accusing finger at a Pig.
OLAOTAN FAWEHINMI
Teaching a child to read, is like teaching someone a different language. You understand that they ar...
TALK2YOURBABY
If someone had suggested investing in commodities five years ago it would have made a great deal of ...
ROB DAVIES
I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib...
C. JOYBELL C.
When you look back with regret, that (regret, loss) becomes your focus.
Then your focus direct...
THE TRUTH
Just as it is impossible to explain childbirth to a woman who has never given birth, it is impossibl...
LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL
A Child Of God is someone whose inner beauty is outwardly evident!
VERONICA S. MCCOY
She was recorded ahead of the ceremony. Such a young child, it's difficult to send her (live) in suc...
GIUSEPPE GATTINO
How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS
I was famous from birth
PETER FONDA
It's painful for parents to know their child is going to cry and hurt. At some visits, a baby can ge...
CAROLYN BORTZ
Even as the unborn babe is in the womb of his mother, these five are fixed as his life destiny: his ...
CHANAKYA
I can't remember a time in the last five years that I've gone to sleep and slept all the way through...
KIM ARTHUR
They want people to understand what cancer does to a child, and the family. This is a very personal ...
JULIA REICHERT
We would like to know how the snoring progresses as the child ages. Does it stop, continue or escala...
DR MANINDER KALRA
As far back as history records people thinking, thinking people have been befuddled by the mysteries...
LEWIS N. ROE
Every single time a child dies I have my proof that there is no God.
CARL WHITE
I live nearby a graveyard, that's where I get all my inspiration for wisdom and life
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA
Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul...
DAVE PELZER
I was asked the other day what it was like to become father? It’s a moments so raw and real that y...
ROBBY SILK
The more we idealized the past, however, and refuse to acknowledge or childhood sufferings, the more...
ALICE MILLER
I understand the importance of bondage between parent and child.
DAN QUAYLE
The rape of a child is a violent act of contempt, not an expression of sexuality or affection.
MIKE LEW
it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
STEPHEN CHOBOSKY
All concepts of making a point is another failure of communication.
DEYTH BANGER
I just want silence... nothing less... nothing more.
DEYTH BANGER
Knowledge causes depression and a lot of pressure.
DEYTH BANGER
This is going to take a while. I'm a fantasy author. We have trouble with the concept of brevity.
BRANDON SANDERSON
Be yourself and people will like you.
JEFF KINNEY
The best person I know is Myself.
JEFF KINNEY
If you play football, then for every goal that you score, ask your self, what is the 'grudge of a li...
APURVA GAGLANI
I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not e...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
It's strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you...
FREDRIK BACKMAN
Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.
AVIS COREA
I’m caught between trying to live my life, and trying to run from it.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I don't want to be somebody's crush.if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES
I wasn't like a Hollywood child actor - 'I'm five! I can sing, I can dance, I can act! I...
ALEXANDER SKARSGARD
Loss is like a wind, it either carries you to a new destination or it traps you in an ocean of stagn...
VAL UCHENDU
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX