FastSaying

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.


Woody Allen

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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and...
WOODY ALLEN I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl...
EMO PHILIPS How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE I was eating burritos with this girl and she asked me to be her prom date. How could I say no? We we...
JOSH HARTNETT A Ritual to Read to Each Other


If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and...
WILLIAM STAFFORD Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY I was honored he asked me, but I didn't feel bad about turning him down. Woody turned me down as a p...
JERRY GLANVILLE She asked me if I wanted to trade places with her. I said I'd do it in a heartbeat.
LISA HALL Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ... Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappr...
GAIL CARRIGER By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES I asked him point blank if he had ever slept in bed with Michael Jackson. He said no.
IRENE PETERS When I asked my mum whether I could go to stage school she said, 'No, you don't want to do that'.
NICHOLAS LYNDHURST But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD How fast were you?" Wes asked me. I said, "Not that fast."
"You mean you couldn't... fly?" he ...
SARAH DESSEN It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI I asked her if she wanted to go up to Napa, go around in a limo, anything, ... She just wanted to cu...
JULIAN PETERSON I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG What are you?" she asked. "A monster," said Kell hoarsely. "You'd better let me go." The girl gave a...
VICTORIA SCHWAB Ladies,Please dress how you would like to be approached and talked to. Don't dress like a hoe and ex...
UNKNOWN The Olinka girls do not believe girls should be educated. When I asked a mother why she thought this...
ALICE WALKER If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE I was working on a job somewhere one day and a girl came and asked me if I knew who would collect th...
FRED SPINK I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO One little girl asked her mom if she could take $20 out of her piggy bank, ... I asked her if she di...
TROY MILLER The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty
WALTER MATTHAU Children are infinitely credulous. My Lisa was a dull child, but even so she came up with things tha...
PENELOPE LIVELY For them, oral contraceptives have never been the choice for contraception so we have to convince wo...
KLAUS WULF Barbra Streisand has always been an inspiration for me. I admire Jennifer Lopez because she's be...
LAUREN LONDON She called me at 6 a.m. yesterday and said, 'You know what, if you had asked me, I would have told y...
MEREDITH VIEIRA Yes, I asked her and she said 'no,'
FRANCIS CARTER There are just some kind of men who-who're so busy worrying about the next world they've never learn...
HARPER LEE The role of the Christian is to let other people know what Jesus has done, not to think of themselve...
LEWIS N. ROE Naturalistic atheism debunks itself. It has no power to explain even some of the most basic principl...
LEWIS N. ROE It's important to understand that if someone calls themselves a Christian, it does not automatically...
LEWIS N. ROE A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE I talked to her and asked if this was an appropriate relationship to have with someone you cover. To...
DEREK LOWE We should get a move on you know... ask someone. He's right. We don't want to end up with a ...
J.K. ROWLING How would you feel about sharing your bed?" she asked.
Tristan blinked. "Excuse me?"
"He...
ELIZABETH CHANDLER She made fun of me. She was so funny and so beautiful, I said I'd love to date a girl like this.
BOB GUINEY [For an actor who was then living in New York, Daniels said, working on a Woody Allen movie was some...
JEFF DANIELS For the record, I believe that women and their doctors should have access to oral contraception when...
AMI BERA Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is nev...
A WALK TO REMEMBER A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be my apple pie. I wish I'd said something cool...
JASON BIGGS (Morgan) helped me with my math homework. I also asked her some things about golf. She said she was ...
DANIELLE JACKSON I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN I walked a mile with Pleasure, She chattered all the way; But left me none the wiser, Fo...
ROBERT BROWNING HAMILTON One customer told me he asked his wife if she wanted to go out to dinner, ... She told him, 'No, let...
CAROL BOOTH I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN When I go to bed at night, I ask God to give me another day; I ask him to keep me strong and make me...
RICHARD SIMMONS I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH They had asked for me because they wanted a younger girl, but Mum asked if she could bring Kylie alo...
DANNII MINOGUE I've found a letter that was written to me from a girl who was getting married. And she wanted t...
NANCY REAGAN A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be my apple pie. I wish I'd said something ...
JASON BIGGS I know about the sweet home. I went to school with 'em boys, what became Lynyrd Skynyrd; I knew ...
PADGETT POWELL Something woke her up, and she said standing right at the foot of the bed was this girl.
JACK MOYER A man once asked Rumi, "Why is it you talk so much about silence?" His answer: "The radiant one insi...
COLEMAN BARKS Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW It's a secret code," said Calvin. "Girls are not not like boys. If a boy wants to kill you, he says ...
LENORE LOOK I had long been resistant to doing a documentary about my mother for personal reasons. And I thought...
RORY KENNEDY So what was that all about?"
"I think," Jace said, "that she asked if she could touch my mango....
CASSANDRA CLARE There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "Bu...
UNKNOWN A tooth for a tooth, will make the world's inhabitants a people without teeth
SOTONYE ANGA Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY The atheist might have no proof for the supernatural, but they also have no proof against it. If we ...
LEWIS N. ROE He said we were all cooked but we were all right as long as we did not know it. We were all cooked. ...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY After Rilke's Letters
-- by John VanDyke Wilmerding II

this is my letter to a young ...
RAINER MARIA RILKE Yes, their reasons are overwhelming. They are as big as hope and as deep as revolt. They are the rea...
ALBERT CAMUS …A city deprived of everything, devoid of light and devoid of heat, starved, and still not crushed...
ALBERT CAMUS Words always take on the color of the deeds or sacrifices they evoke.
ALBERT CAMUS No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It we...
TESSA DARE Atticus---" ...said Jem bleakly. "How could they do it, how could they?"
"I don't know, but the...
HARPER LEE Learn to stand for something in life otherwise you will fall for anything that comes along which is ...
EUGINIA HERLIHY We are born different to make a difference.
LISA R. REYNOLDS Dreams can change histories and songs can alter destinies.
TIFFANIE DEBARTOLO They asked her (Ruth Graham) did she ever think about divorce and she said, 'No, I've never thought ...
BILLY GRAHAM They asked her (Ruth Graham) did she ever think about divorce and she said, 'No, I've never thought ...
BILLY GRAHAM I never said I was a 'good girl.' I'm not a bad girl. I'm just normal, and that's what I'm going to ...
KELLY CLARKSON I like the word 'fuck'. The word means what it means, but it also means whatever you need it to mean...
LISA GLATT My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN