A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers.


P. J. O'Rourke

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Rat-a-tat-tat."
"Quack."
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"...
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I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you.
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Hodor," said Hodor.
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You do what you love, what you need
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I turned.
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In the real world, they told you who to be, not the other way around.
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I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
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Like a deep sad note
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the memories of ...
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Knowledge causes depression and a lot of pressure.
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Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.
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My mate. Death incarnate. Night triumphant.
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She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself.
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You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat.
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Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you.
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The Q...
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My plant is probably dead."
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I smile. ...
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P. J. O'ROURKE
The baby boomers' politics have covered a wide band of silliness, from the Weather Underground t...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Excessive speed and quantity are, like chattiness and digression, besetting sins of cyber-assisted a...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreationa...
P. J. O'ROURKE
You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King a...
P. J. O'ROURKE
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to t...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men be...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in...
P. J. O'ROURKE
We loved cars until the '70s or so. Then they became appliances. They turned into motorized cup ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I literally left school and went straight into music via art college for a year, and I've been s...
P. J. HARVEY
Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther.
J. P. MORGAN
Kabul is a walled city, which sounds romantic except the walls are pre-cast reinforced concrete blas...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the l...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's u...
P. J. O'ROURKE
As a nation, Kuwait has been, arguably, free of freedom itself. Claimed in turn by Constantinople, R...
P. J. O'ROURKE
What Enron was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled awe, was hiding de...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the co...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
A Kindle returns us to the inconvenience of the scroll, except with batteries and electronic glitche...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled...
P. J. O'ROURKE
If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, Wo...
P. J. O'ROURKE
You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don'...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is und...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.
P. J. O'ROURKE
A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?'
P. J. O'ROURKE
Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the sche...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
P. J. O'ROURKE
If I were a congressman who had voted for the American Jobs Creation Act of 2004, I'd claim it w...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Detroit's industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.
P. J. O'ROURKE
I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bl...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway inste...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Kids are disorganized.
P. J. O'ROURKE
People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers th...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
J P DONLEAVY
Inside every Sancho Panza there's a Don Quixote struggling to get out.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box.
P. J. O'ROURKE
In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a popu...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Kuwait City is not gorgeous, actually, but it's got a kind of Epcot Center thing going for it. I...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the Dist...
P. J. O'ROURKE
It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I'm too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom's earring in h...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefull...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a learning experience. Then again, I like to think ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display e...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-...
P. J. O'ROURKE
With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today...
P. J. O'ROURKE
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are le...
P. J. O'ROURKE