A true friend will ride with you in your new car, and when its been repossesed, on the handle bars of your bike.

Haters have only one problem with you, your Success.

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.

What part of Canada are you from, honey?"

"THE LEFT PART," said Jay.

I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G."
"Sausages.

Can I see some ID?"

"WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN."

Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.