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All I want is my own way in everything

Jack Handey

Jack Handey

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All I want is my own way in everything
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
— Jack Handey
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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes & dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.'
— Jack Handey
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The dream is happening right now. I'm here. That's all I wanted. It would be nice to get a medal of any color.
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THE POOR AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "POVERTY" IS FILTH TO THE RICH AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "RICHES", BUT CLEANLINESS IS THE ONLY MARK OF ACCEPTANCE.
— Jack Handey
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