All in the Family

You can never buy beer, you just rent it.

Crowtins? What the hell are crowtins? (looking at Edith's grocery list: croutons)

...like the Jews and the Seventh Day Adventurists

I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer. A guy who wears glasses is a four-eyes; a guy who's a fag is a queer.

The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to step back and see where the wife is wrong