American women are so fortunate. When I got married, all I wanted in the world was a dryer so I didn't have to hang up my diapers. And now women have paper diapers and all sorts of conveniences in the home. And it is the man and the technology that has made the home such a pleasant place for women to be.


Phyllis Schlafly

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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER
They fed them rice with maggots in it. He said the guys who couldn't eat it died.
PHYLLIS LEHMAN
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off
PHYLLIS DILLER
But the kitchen will not come into its own again until it ceases to be a status symbol and becomes a...
PHYLLIS MCGINLEY
For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.
PHYLLIS BATELLE
If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature.
PHYLLIS BATELLE
A broken heart is what makes life so wonderful five years later, when you see that special guy in an...
PHYLLIS BATELLE
As long as I could remember, I had looked forward to a handful of wonderful events - a total eclipse...
PHYLLIS EISENSTEIN
prompted by a growing concern, deeply held, about the future of the country's national security.
PHYLLIS OAKLEY
crumbling under an administration blinded by ideology and a callous indifference to the realities of...
PHYLLIS OAKLEY
I think the markets expect just about any outcome, though I don't think an ECB or a Swedish rate hik...
PHYLLIS REED
Her father had brought her a bookbag. It had pencils and pens in it and even a yo-yo to play with. S...
PHYLLIS HUNTER
A reporter discovers, in the course of many years of interviewing celebrities, that most actors are ...
PHYLLIS BATELLE
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't...
PHYLLIS DILLER
We had 15 turnovers in the first half and a lot of those were unforced. We just didn't handle the ba...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
Milton is a very good shooting team, so we'll have to play strong defense. They're very tall with pl...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
It's been pretty good so far, but I'm not satisfied.
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
They want to close out their high school careers on a high note. I told them they didn't want to los...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
Their maturity level is much higher than it was two years ago. They've been through the experience o...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
We had a great practice on Wednesday and again on Thursday, so we came ready to play. Marietta is a ...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
Tabitha is a laid-back kid and she's mostly a leader by example, but she's trying to be more of a vo...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
We really stepped it up defensively in the third quarter. To give up only four points in a quarter a...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
She's played at least one game in every position. She's played point guard, two-guard, both forward ...
PHYLLIS ARTHUR
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard
PHYLLIS DILLER
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto
PHYLLIS DILLER
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, ...
PHYLLIS DILLER
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out
PHYLLIS DILLER
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parent...
PHYLLIS DILLER
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
PHYLLIS DILLER
Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator
PHYLLIS DILLER
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser
PHYLLIS DILLER
Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn’t do this I sent the ki...
PHYLLIS DILLER
If that's the best joke in the world, then I've never had a face-lift.
PHYLLIS DILLER
He was in the air most of the time ... on the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thin...
PHYLLIS DILLER
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move
PHYLLIS DILLER
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me
PHYLLIS DILLER
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up o...
PHYLLIS DILLER
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture
PHYLLIS DILLER
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to l...
PHYLLIS DILLER