And I also am very nervous about implants. You know, I'm just nervous about all that. So I could still do it. I could think about it. But I needed to adapt to myself.

I don't want to have to say, Honey, you know, could you turn off the sports channel because I'm not a big sports fan, and I don't love the television being on just for the sake of turning on. I'd like turning on for some thing specific.

As an actor, particularly because I'm - I would call myself a character actor. I change my look, my physical appearance and my body, my hair color, my whatever all the time for a role.

And yet, I suppose you mourn the loss or the death of what you thought your life was, even if you find your life is better after. You mourn the future that you thought you'd planned.

I just need to know that I did the very best I could and that I was true to myself.

I'm not crazy. But I am different. I'm still learning about myself.