And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
Groucho Marx
Related
I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives.
DAVID RIESMAN The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX That's the beauty of argument-if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
, THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, 2006 I want to thank you all for making the signs,
SAMMY SOSA Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX I want to thank you all for being here and for your love and support.
CLYDE SMITH Billions of years it´s taken to evolve human conciousness and you want to wipe it out. Wipe out the...
CHARLIE CHAPLIN I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging.
GEORGE W. BUSH I just want to thank all my fans for their loyalty and support-for coming out to the shows and buyin...
EDGAR WINTER His problem is that he doesn’t want anyone until he can have anyone he wants.
CLIFFORD COHEN I want to thank Canada for embracing me and making me a Canadian citizen. I want to thank Pierre for...
LASCELLES BROWN He came out and said 'I just can't thank you guys enough for what you're doing. This would have take...
SCOTT WHITE When it's taken away from you like it was him, the feeling you have for the game grows a little bit ...
GREG KNAPP I'm going to compete, i always go all out for a win in any competition. I also want to thank all the...
HENDRICK RAMAALA I want to thank you all for supporting the Dodgers, [and] for supporting Los Angeles, ... the best f...
ANTONIO VILLARAIGOSA All your youth you want to have your greatness taken for granted; when you find it taken for granted...
ELIZABETH BOWEN I want to tell them thank you for all this stuff and that I am gonna make it up for them and try to ...
DAVID BARNETT Youve got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and youve got to be a humorist to stay one.
WILL ROGERS I want to thank you all for your hospitality and for welcoming us. It's good to be in Tucson, Arizon...
EDWARD HARRIS I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I just want to say, 'Thank you.' Congratulations on all of your skills.
WENDALL BURNS I want to thank my momma for pulling up. I want to thank my boys who was with me since day one; than...
QUAVO It's a real enjoyment to represent you; I'm the one who should be saying thank you to you for giving...
BENJAMIN CARDIN Because we want to maintain access into the back country, ... For our enjoyment and everyone else's ...
ELLEN KNAPP I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES Thank you... preseason football, for having all the excitement, commercials, and time-outs of the re...
JIMMY FALLON I want to thank The Beatles for almost single-handedly getting me out of writer's block.
FRANK OCEAN It was an event when you could get all three of them on the set at the same time. The minute you sta...
BUSTER KEATON I want to thank you for making this day necessary.
YOGI BERRA I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life.
DIDO I know Bruce (Paltrow) would want me to pay tribute to New Orleans, his favorite city, and all the G...
BLYTHE DANNER Reluctantly she lifted her eyes to his, and he went on: "I want you to understand this as though I w...
R.J. ANDERSON I want to thank the chairman, Terry Brown, the board, the staff and most of all the fans for their s...
ALAN PARDEW I want to thank you for the profound joy I've had in the in the thought of you.
ROSIE ALISON I know Bruce (Paltrow) would want me to pay tribute to New Orleans, his favorite city, and all the G...
BLYTHE DANNER I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making ...
VICTOR BORGE I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible...and I wish to thank my children for making i...
VICTOR BORGE For every person who closed the door in my face, thank you. For every person who told me I wasn't go...
YVONNE PIERRE Lord, I thank you for getting us out of here.
LESCHIA RADFORD You can take of a man's money, but when it's all said and done, you've only taken his money. When yo...
WAYNE NEWTON Sometimes we forget to say thank you to all the people which have helped and supported us. A BIG Tha...
KISHAN S CHAUHAN I wasn't a rebel. It kind of clicked in my head, like, if I want to do this, I can go out and do...
ROBERT GRIFFIN III I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS Thank you for listening. Thank you for abiding me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, ch...
FRANK DEFORD And a special thank you to the citizens of Massachusetts: You are paying all the taxes, creating all...
MITT ROMNEY I really want to thank all the people who have been supportive of me. It is so appreciated.
HUDSON LEICK We want to say thank you, all of you. We are waiting for this flight for very long years, more than ...
SERGEI KRIKALEV Life is a progress from want to want, not from enjoyment to enjoyment.
SAMUEL JOHNSON I want him to learn to appreciate music. This was a last minute thing we decided to do just for the ...
LAUREN VANCE I want to thank everyone for making it such a success.
JOAN MASTROCOLA This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving...
NICHOLAS SPARKS I wish to take this opportunity to say thank you. I want to thank the incredible person, who so self...
AKIROQ BROST I want to thank the Academy for its courage and generosity.
ELIA KAZAN I want to thank the people for their love and care.
FEI JUNLONG I'd like to say to all my fans out there, thanks for the support. And to all my doubters, thank ...
USAIN BOLT O Lord I thank Thee for this wonderful body which by itself is a miracle.
Thank you for this wo...
LATIKA TEOTIA Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become a...
SYLVIA PLATH Mayor, I thank you very much for your understanding. I apologize on behalf of the Hispanic community...
ELIAS BERMUDEZ It's always so early in here, before the crossroads, before the irrevocable choices. Thank you f...
TOMAS TRANSTROMER Thank you for all. I love you so much.
DORCUS INZIKURU I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN Everybody here is taking the day out of their lives to come watch me, and I thank you for that,
ANDRE AGASSI So I can curse my pain all I want. I can try to leave it at the door.
But maybe I should say g...
LITTLE BEAR THE BEARDED LADY Listening to music for me is like homework. Music will give me enjoyment, but as soon as it's gi...
STEVE WINWOOD Thank you for today, and if I should make it to tomorrow, thank you so much for that too; I’m bles...
SCOTTIE SOMERS On the day of the funeral, I was just taken by it all - I didn't want it to be forgotten.
LARRY PADILLA I want to thank God first of all for everything. This is a real big deal. It's an honor for me to be...
CLINT INGRAM I also want to thank the person who picked up litter and put it in the litter basket. I want to than...
JAMES PERKINS So youve been over into Russia? said Bernard Baruch, and I answered very literally, I have been over...
LINCOLN STEFFENS I want to thank the minority members for all your efforts even though we didn't win the war, ... You...
SHARON JOHNSON I had actually been going to Hawaii for quite a while before I ever picked up the uke. I think with ...
EDDIE VEDDER I'm smiling. I am so happy. I want to thank God, and I want to thank Governor Rounds.
LESLEE UNRUH I want to personally thank all the participants in this outing for providing a record amount of supp...
BOB KAUFMAN Little drops of rain Whisper of the pain Tears of love Lost in the days gone by.
ROBERT PLANT "THANK YOU" I want to thank you for your investment in this part of town. It's going to help a lot.
BEN RANGEL Thank you," he finally said. He couldn't say he meant thanks for all of it: the keys, the trust, the...
NORA SAKAVIC I have a whole lot of other things I want to do in the next four years, but you know what? I am so e...
BETSY GOTBAUM I have tremendous respect for Christopher Darden, and I recognize him as an individual of integrity,...
STERLING K. BROWN They're all so appreciative. It's 'thank you, thank you, thank you' all the time.
DONNA ROBERTS We want to thank you personally for what you're doing for people.
JAMES SAPPIER A thank-you to all of you who rushed to Kersey and valiantly searched for Sam,
STEVE WILSON I want Chinese history to remember me as Carnegie is remembered. I want Chinese people to remember m...
CHEN GUANGBIAO The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN I tell them 'thank you' because they don't need to thank us. I know they do it because they think it...
AMY NEWMAN No, thank you, I don't mind the rain,' I said. I always lacked common sense when taken by surprise.
ANNE BRONTë Thank the past for all the lessons it taught you; anticipate the future for all the blessings it has...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX