FastSaying

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.


George Carlin

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

The human race is a remarkable creature, one with great potential, and I hope that 'Star Trek...
GENE RODDENBERRY History is a wheel, for the nature of man is fundamentally unchanging. What has happened before will...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN The summer sun continued to rise in the sky and propel shocks of heat down on the city and the heavy...
HUBERT SELBY JR. Is science fiction of today to be tomorrow's science fact, if we think of it the idea of the flip ph...
GARY F EVANS... Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR. By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently.
Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m...
SARAH J. MAAS (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON Kehidupan perempuan itu sembilan bagian kacau dan satu bagian ajaib, kau akan segera mengetahuinya.....
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Jaime smiled knowingly. Men will read all sorts of things into a knowing smile if you let them.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES The issue isn't whether he loved you, it's how much. Too much. Love can be poison
SARAH J. MAAS I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you.
SARAH J. MAAS He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain...
SARAH J. MAAS Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold ...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Hodor," said Hodor.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN You do what you love, what you need
SARAH J. MAAS I turned.
Rhysand leaned against the archway into the sitting room, arms crossed, wings nowhere...
SARAH J. MAAS You mistake patience for forbearance.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Daring to dream is not difficult, it's making them come true that is hard...
NANETTE L. AVERY When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice.
APURVA GAGLANI A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in ...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you.
ALLY CARTER We just hope we have a good showing. You hope the seniors can go out and have fun, lead the other gu...
CLIFF REED Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what's on the othe...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN We need hope, or else we cannot endure.
SARAH J. MAAS Each man lives in his own universe and when he dies the world is over
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I want to share this bed with you, though," I breathed. "I want you to hold me."
Stars flicker...
SARAH J. MAAS Star Trek is perhaps the best thing that ever happened to me, in a career sense.
DEFOREST KELLEY You are not the happy, unthinking child you have always appeared to be, accepting everything at its ...
AGATHA CHRISTIE We die a day at a time
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA No matter who you are and what you do, you can prove to yourself that you can be anybody you want to...
BLABLABLA Dreams, just dreams, it's all illusion
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA [...] orang-orang sering mengklaim lapar akan kebenaran tapi jarang yang menyukai rasanya ketika dis...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Kn...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I wish I was home", She said miserably.
She tried so hard to be brave,
to be fierce as a...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN „Ein Mensch kann niemals Tier werden, er stürzt am Tier vorbei in den Abgrund
MARLEN HAUSHOFER I began by saying that our history will be what we make it. If we go on as we are, then history will...
EDWARD R. MURROW The great thing about reading is that it broadens your life
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN the deceased don’t want you to forget about them. They just want you to move past it; not to dwell...
JUSTIN PYFROM He was part of my dream, of course - but then I was part of his dream too.
LEWIS CARROLL The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you...
FREDRIK BACKMAN Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.
AVIS COREA You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES I loaded up the van and the truck and it was over a hundred dollars. That was just in one day, and w...
CARL CORY One day a little chicken was being mocked by the other chickens,because she was small and they were ...
GARY F EVANS... There aren't a lot of driveways for people to pull out in front of you. You can have a lot of fun an...
CARL VOIGTLANDER Like a deep sad note
played beneath the ocean
waving through the orb
the memories of ...
PAWAN MISHRA George has had this problem on and off and we just hope we can get it sorted out. He is a quality pl...
GERARD STARLING I loved George Carlin... I used to sit in front of the TV and watch the HBO comedy specials. I loved...
MICK FOLEY What will make you a star is in you
SOTONYE ANGA I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal.
I was a survivor, and I was strong.
I would no...
SARAH J. MAAS I sipped from my wine. "And if he had grabbed me?"

There was nothing but uncompromising w...
SARAH J. MAAS There you are. I've been looking for you.

His first words to me— not a lie at a...
SARAH J. MAAS I was not prey any longer, I decided as I eased up to that door.
And I was not a mouse.
I ...
SARAH J. MAAS No one was my master— but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared.
SARAH J. MAAS He drained his glass. "I made a mistake."
"It's not the end of the world if you do that every n...
SARAH J. MAAS I will kill anyone who harms you," Rhys snarled. "I will kill them, and take a damn long time doing ...
SARAH J. MAAS Julia poured tea gracefully, but it all ran over into the saucers.
ELIZABETH TAYLOR The next day, the villages came closer together until the beginnings and endings could no longer be ...
PATRICK W. CARR It appeared to Harriet that she was always the one who remembered having seen other people. They nev...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?"
"Ah. The Suriel to...
SARAH J. MAAS Lord Snow wants to take my place now.' He sneered. 'I'd have an easier time teaching a wolf to juggl...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN This is not Winterfell', he told him as he cut his meat with fork and dagger. 'On the Wall, a man ge...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Be strong, little one. There's a reason you are here. Like anyone with a dream, you have a purpose, ...
CHARLES LEE She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I came out with the bases loaded. Came out looking for a big hit, and I came through.
BRUCE THOMPSON Although it's great to appear to a feast, home is always sweet, though it may be lonely and cold lik...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day.
MITCH ALBOM I grew up with 'Star Trek,' so to get to do anything in it was fun for me.
FARAN TAHIR The Dream of a Queer Fellow I write the words again and they appear doubly pregnant with meaning. It...
JOHN MIDDLETON MURRY Absoballylutely top hole, wot. A and B the C of D I'd say. . . Above and Beyond the Call of Duty.
BRIAN JACQUES You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace."
I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl...
TAMMARA WEBBER Though we are terrorized by death, it's not different from birth, it just happens
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha...
FRANCINE RIVERS It was a close game until that (basket) started looking like a garbage truck and whatever we threw u...
TONI KUKOC Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. I was aware that I had been looking for him on every street, in every crowd.
HANYA YANAGIHARA A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN His cloak was his crowning glory; sable, thick and black and soft as sin.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Well, you can't know it without something having been sneezed.
A.A. MILNE We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
Even longer,' Pooh answered.”
...
A.A. MILNE I have two great duties in each day: firstly, to identify why I woke up and secondly to be convinced...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I have two great duties in each day: firstly, to identify why I woke up and secondly to be convinced...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH These philosophically fun ideas usually satisfy nobody. Nonetheless, they remind us that ignorance i...
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON We all know I won't be killed because of this stupid allegation of espionage, but because I decided ...
PAULO COELHO My old grandmother always used to say, Summer friends will melt away like summer snows, but winter f...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Beaming into the thick of a tree without becoming a lifelong tree hugger was a tricky business. A pr...
CHRISTINA ENGELA We all want to become more than we are, we want to live forever, that is why we hate death and creat...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I'm a thinker. That is what I do, in great depth and detail, every waking moment of the day. I like ...
BRIAN HERBERT Unification of differences is power.
SHESH NATH VERNWAL Look to your heart and soul first, rather than looking to your head first, when choosing. Rather tha...
JEFFREY R. ANDERSON If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste...
GARY F EVANS... Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is useful information if you're moving out ...
RON DARIAN The man I am today it's not the man of yesterday
CHRISTOPHER FUDGE is a broken man an outlaw?"

"More or less." Brienne answered.

Septon Meribald ...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN If I provide for this life and turn away from the Lord, I am wise for a moment, but lost forever.
FRANCINE RIVERS

More George Carlin

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as bi...
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
... These two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!
GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la...
GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook
GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t...
GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be...
GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different....
GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning.
GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight...
GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b...
GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can...
GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.

GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’...
GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything
GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN