As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]
Lemony Snicket
Related Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyon... LEMONY SNICKET What we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do. There are people we trust b... STEPHEN R. COVEY I want to do voiceover for animation, so I am looking to do something along those lines. So, my agen... BROOKE ELLIOTT What do people mean when they say, 'I am not afraid of God because I know He is good'? Have they nev... C.S. LEWIS When people say, 'You're breaking my heart,' they do in fact usually mean that you're breaking their... JEFFREY BERNARDIN I would say I am viewed as the oldest teenager in my family because they say I never grow old. I mea... BETTY WRIGHT Mortal as I am, I know that I am born for a day. But when I follow at my pleasure the serried multit... PTOLEMY You know I say just what I think, and nothing more and less. I cannot say one thing and mean another... HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW What do you mean less than nothing? I don't think there is any such thing as less than nothing. Noth... E.B. WHITE When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable. LEIGH BARDUGO I've been wrong about six times as far as that goes. Now I am hoping they do something, but I sure a... PETE ROSE Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder. LEMONY SNICKET It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It l... LEMONY SNICKET You must be all a-tingle with excitement.' 'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I... LEMONY SNICKET There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of pap... LEMONY SNICKET The phrase "in the dark," as I'm sure you know, can refer not only to one's shadowy surroundings, bu... LEMONY SNICKET Watch out for people who call themselves religious; make sure you know what they mean––make sure... JOHN IRVING People know that I am a very good author. But they would rather read what I have to say about the ne... TATYANA TOLSTAYA They know they're supposed to do something, but they're not sure what. And you know what they do whe... JILL CONNER BROWNE I would rather not know how to write and have something to say than know how to write and have nothi... ENRIQUE TESSIERI My father was a police officer before he retired. One of my brothers is also a police officer, and I... RYAN REYNOLDS Am i talking too much? People are always telling me I do. Would you rather I didn't talk? If you say... L.M. MONTGOMERY I do know some of the world's richest people. In monetary terms, they all performed very well. I... MARC FABER The older I get, the less I know. By that I mean the less I am sure of. I view people with strong op... PAM FERRIS What liberals mean by 'goose-stepping' or 'ethnic cleansing' is generally something ... ANN COULTER You know how when people lose their grandma or grandpa, people they say they're sorry? They do m... AMAURY NOLASCO We always say 'I would kill for my family' or 'I would die for my family' but would you really? I me... JOHNNY DEPP Its a funny thing, I noticed that when people are joking theyre usually dead serious, and when theyr... JIM MORRISON but it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs--all traces of our love will be scatt... LEMONY SNICKET If the prime directives were followed a little more accurately here on earth, I mean it sounds somew... JONATHAN FRAKES I am sure of nothing so little as my own intentions. LORD (GEORGE GORDON) BYRON I am sure of nothing so little as my own intentions. LORD BYRON I don’t know when my time on earth will be up; but I DO know that today, I am one day closer. You ... STEVE MARABOLI When people ask me that question that everyone asks: "What do you do?" I'd say, "I'm in customer ser... GILLIAN FLYNN I would say 99 percent of the community members do not know who's on the ward committee, do not know... CORDELIA THORPE I'm gullible. I think people mean what they say. COLIN TREVORROW Usually, people who ask 'do you know who I am?' don't have a clue themselves. CHRISTINA ENGELA If you have read this far in the chronicle of the Baudelaire orphans - and I certainly hope you have... LEMONY SNICKET What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? MARILYN PITTMAN I am not an insecure person. For me, insecurity comes when something I do does not come across the w... SHAHID KAPOOR Come unto me. Come unto me, you say. All right then, dear my Lord. I will try in my own absurd way. ... FREDERICK BUECHNER When I say something like "back when I was in high school," I usually mean: "back when I was su... CARLTON MELLICK III When I do something in my family because I really enjoy it, then my duty has become my pleasure. And... DR. JESS LAIR 'James and the Giant Peach' magnificently starts out Dahl's career as a blithe and droll... PAUL DI FILIPPO When I am with you, I am invincible. When I am with you, your kind and loving presence strength... LAARNI VENUS MARIE GIANGO When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God. KAHLIL GIBRAN I've always played some version of a nerdy guy or something like that. I mean, one of my story l... KUMAIL NANJIANI Listen my dear sister! You only fix something, when it’s broken. And you - are far from broken. Sa... ABHIJIT NASKAR We did have a couple sheets of petitions circulating for people living on the road nearby. I feel 60... CATHERINE JOHNSON You know I feel very fortunate that my life has turned out the way that it has - whatever that means... OLIVER PLATT Sometimes it's hard because I don't like to hurt people's feelings. So there have been times when a ... ELLEN DEGENERES She has gone back to Brooklyn,' her mother would say. And, as the train rolled past Macmire Bridge o... COLM TóIBíN I talk of you: Why did you wish me milder? would you have me False to my nature? Rather sa... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE No matter what I do and say people’s perception of life will make them miss my point; who I am as ... ROSA M. BETANCES Why did you wish me milder? would you have me False to my nature? Rather say I play The ma... WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE If somebody comes along and says, 'OK, Benny Hinn, I'm gonna help you financially so you can... BENNY HINN When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in pla... ARTIE LANGE There is nothing in there that I can say is going to be earth-shattering or reveals something that p... FRED THOMPSON Ahhhhh my people struggling to mean something by means that mean nothing....When will we LEARN? DEDRICK D. L. PITTER I would say I'd rather dig a ditch, you know, do hard, manual labor than write lyrics. NATALIE MERCHANT If you don't like peas,it is probably because you have not had them fresh.It is the difference betwe... LEMONY SNICKET If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and the... LEMONY SNICKET Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record. LEMONY SNICKET It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom o... LEMONY SNICKET As I'm sure you know, whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn m... LEMONY SNICKET Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family... LEMONY SNICKET I just don't understand it," said Klaus, which was not something he said very often. Violet nod... LEMONY SNICKET I would sit on the street corners in my hometown of Indianola, Mississippi, and I would play. And, g... B. B. KING I know that I am mortal by nature, and ephemeral; but when I trace at my pleasure the windings to an... PTOLEMY Lebedeva’s eyes shone. “Masha, listen to me. Cosmetics are an extension of the will. Why do you ... CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact. LEMONY SNICKET As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. ANDREW CARNEGIE "I worked for men," my Lord will say,
When we meet at the end of the King's highway;
"I walked... ROBERT DAVIES All flowers in time bend towards the sun, I know you say theres no one for you, But here is one JEFF BUCKLEY When you get as old as I am, you kind of believe there's nothing new under the sun, but there... JACKI WEAVER The two of you, there's something uncanny about the way you two are with each other. I mean everythi... NICHOLAS SPARKS I would rather attempt something great and fail than attempt to do
nothing and succeed. ROBERT SCHULLER I think the new rules raise the bars, but we're not sure how high. Their focus has been on making th... ED RASTATTER I am, as they say, the classic starving artist. CHERYL STRAYED I am a hypocrite when it comes to being a conformist. My values and beliefs are part of my foundatio... BONNIE ZACKSON KOURY When I give a lot of speeches, they're always on the fly. I mean, I know what I'm going to s... VINCE FLYNN When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less. PAUL BROWN I've had tons of bullies who would call me retarded, even on my Facebook page. It's sad and ... LAUREN POTTER You have a hierarchy of values; pleasure is at the bottom of the ladder, and you speak with a little... W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM When you've got people waiting for something you know it's usually something good. GREG CLARK I want to be part of the resurgence of things that are tangible, beautiful and soulful, rather than ... JACK WHITE The people, when they say 'Death to America!' - do you know what they are really saying? Wha... HASSAN ROUHANI My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am a... ANTHONY HOPKINS When I say something, I mean what I say, despite what a dictionary says I mean. Meanings of words ar... JAROD KINTZ I know a lot of writers who would much rather be writing the Great American Novel, but they've g... ERIC STOLTZ I have a bad tendency to get rapidly bored with my own material, so rewriting is hard for me. I mean... ALAN DEAN FOSTER Everything in Bela's life has been a reaction. I am who I am, she would say, I live as I do because ... JHUMPA LAHIRI My friends and family have been so well trained that they know I really mean it when I say that I do... RICHARD GREENBERG I mean, my people were very, very simple. They were peasant people, you know? JAMES EARL JONES Loved heart, what can I say? When I was a lark, I sang; When I was a worm, I devoured. THEODORE ROETHKE When people say, 'If you could do anything else, what would you do?' I would be an actress. ... IMANI HAKIM Many people define who they are, based upon what the world sees when it looks at them. They build th... C. JOYBELL C. I don't suppose you have many friends. Neither do I. I don't trust people who say they have a lot of... CARLOS RUIZ ZAFóN There's a wow factor here. I usually know within a second or two of seeing a picture whether its a s... ROBERT NEMIROFF I can't think of four guys I'd rather stake my career on. I know they can play. I know they're good ... ANDRE PATTERSON
More Lemony Snicket
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LEMONY SNICKET A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and... LEMONY SNICKET Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. LEMONY SNICKET It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring. LEMONY SNICKET Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind... LEMONY SNICKET To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope ... LEMONY SNICKET Blinded following the Blindfolded LEMONY SNICKET Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things... LEMONY SNICKET He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you wh... LEMONY SNICKET I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which I can hop... 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LEMONY SNICKET I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. LEMONY SNICKET Yo no sé si os habréis dado cuenta, pero a menudo las primeras impresiones son absolutamente equiv... LEMONY SNICKET Pero un tipo de libro que a casi nadie le gusta leer es un libro sobre leyes. Los libros sobre leyes... LEMONY SNICKET Así pues, a menos que hayáis sido muy, muy afortunados, sabréis que una buena y larga sesión de ... LEMONY SNICKET Hay muchos, muchos tipos de libros en el mundo, lo cual tiene sentido porque hay muchas, muchas clas... LEMONY SNICKET Read about things that wouldn't keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair. LEMONY SNICKET There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. LEMONY SNICKET There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, ma... LEMONY SNICKET The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great s... 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LEMONY SNICKET I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my ... LEMONY SNICKET I refuse to argue with you, Charles! You're my partner! Your job is to iron my shirts and cook my om... LEMONY SNICKET Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence. LEMONY SNICKET Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. LEMONY SNICKET No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what... LEMONY SNICKET Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece o... LEMONY SNICKET Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so. LEMONY SNICKET All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now... LEMONY SNICKET We believe in an aristocracy... Not an aristocracy of power, based on rank or wealth, but an aristoc... LEMONY SNICKET You write poetry?" Klaus asked. He had read a lot about poets but had never met one. "Just... LEMONY SNICKET Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make -- bombs, for instan... LEMONY SNICKET Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty... LEMONY SNICKET There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them. LEMONY SNICKET Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the ... LEMONY SNICKET Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them LEMONY SNICKET I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the ... LEMONY SNICKET We are all told to ignore bullies. It's something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. I... LEMONY SNICKET It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are r... LEMONY SNICKET Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down. LEMONY SNICKET We weren't friends[...]We were more like jigsaw pieces, each of us part of the same big picture. The... LEMONY SNICKET ...in life it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important. LEMONY SNICKET Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder. LEMONY SNICKET ...there's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as ... LEMONY SNICKET For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended. LEMONY SNICKET Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Ba... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I never see you again, and I will l... LEMONY SNICKET I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, but it does mean I've... LEMONY SNICKET I am alone this evening, and I am alone because of a cruel twist of fate, a phrase which here means ... LEMONY SNICKET The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind. LEMONY SNICKET Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with t... LEMONY SNICKET But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. LEMONY SNICKET I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, ... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where we once were so clo... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else your co-star, per... LEMONY SNICKET It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, an... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. LEMONY SNICKET Desperate times call for desperate measures" is an aphorism which here means "sometimes you need to ... LEMONY SNICKET In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love t... LEMONY SNICKET Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, ... LEMONY SNICKET One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because... LEMONY SNICKET Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when y... LEMONY SNICKET Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically ... LEMONY SNICKET Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, a... LEMONY SNICKET Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel... LEMONY SNICKET Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thi... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat... LEMONY SNICKET An apocryphal story - the word "apocryphal" here means "obviously untrue" - tells of two people, lon... LEMONY SNICKET You may want to keep a commonplace book which is a notebook where you can copy parts of books you th... LEMONY SNICKET Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact. LEMONY SNICKET It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, it appears that happine... LEMONY SNICKET It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling ... LEMONY SNICKET The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, an... LEMONY SNICKET Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes yo... LEMONY SNICKET It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively.... LEMONY SNICKET I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and a... LEMONY SNICKET Of course I'm trying to trick you!" Olaf cried. "That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everybody... LEMONY SNICKET Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they... LEMONY SNICKET Aha! " My chaperone looked at me like I should aha! back, but all I could m... LEMONY SNICKET Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down o... LEMONY SNICKET There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If... LEMONY SNICKET It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It l... LEMONY SNICKET But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed perso... LEMONY SNICKET They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I... LEMONY SNICKET It felt like the wrong thing to do, standing at the wrong door in the wrong place. We did it anyway.... LEMONY SNICKET Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except p... LEMONY SNICKET It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn’t know... LEMONY SNICKET The map is not the territory. LEMONY SNICKET I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else. LEMONY SNICKET Nothing firms up a friendship like a good-natured argument. LEMONY SNICKET You must be all a-tingle with excitement.' 'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I... LEMONY SNICKET I thought maybe if I stared hard enough, I could see the lights of the city I had left so very far b... LEMONY SNICKET The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that librarie... LEMONY SNICKET There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap,... LEMONY SNICKET I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, becau... LEMONY SNICKET There was something I was always very good at, however, and that was teaching myself not to be frigh... LEMONY SNICKET Scolding must be very, very fun, otherwise children would be allowed to do it. It is not because chi... LEMONY SNICKET So you’re reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It’s like having feet. I... LEMONY SNICKET The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drif... LEMONY SNICKET A mystery is solved with a story. LEMONY SNICKET I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get ... LEMONY SNICKET You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage ... LEMONY SNICKET Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will e... LEMONY SNICKET There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of pap... LEMONY SNICKET Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it befo... LEMONY SNICKET They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire... LEMONY SNICKET How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet, and Klaus ... LEMONY SNICKET I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do... LEMONY SNICKET There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day. LEMONY SNICKET being skeptical is a good thing for a journalist, because it means you don't completely trust anyone... LEMONY SNICKET There are people in the world who care about automobiles, and there are people who couldn't care les... LEMONY SNICKET Perhaps I had been in another world before I was born, and did not remember it, or perhaps I would s... LEMONY SNICKET There are many mysteries I have never solved, and the hair of my chaperone is perhaps my most curiou... LEMONY SNICKET It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of ... LEMONY SNICKET The three of us stood there for a minute. I don’t know what Stew was thinking, and the filing cabi... LEMONY SNICKET When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you. LEMONY SNICKET I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, ... LEMONY SNICKET They can teach you anything. That doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it. LEMONY SNICKET The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they'r... LEMONY SNICKET I thought the war was a simple matter, with one side good and the other evil. But the more I read, t... LEMONY SNICKET Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get yo... LEMONY SNICKET Of course you can trust me," Jake Hix said. "We read the same books. LEMONY SNICKET It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger. LEMONY SNICKET Nobody should feel pain all by themselves. LEMONY SNICKET There are some secrets you want to keep to yourself, even if they don't matter. They might only matt... LEMONY SNICKET