As successful as Jay Leno is, Jay Leno hosting the Today' show wouldn't work.
Bruce Dumont
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The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.
ANGIE HARMON I think Jay Leno is fantastic.
BRIAN L. ROBERTS I did standup comedy. I opened once for Jay Leno.
ALAN COLMES Jay Leno is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS Jay (Leno) is wonderful and a good friend, but it will always be the Carson show to a lot of people.
BURT REYNOLDS Sometimes in golf I've got 10,000 people watching me. Cameras are easy. Doing the Jay Leno show ...
MATT KUCHAR Jay Leno is not a guy who likes change. He eats the same food every day.
TED ALLEN I've performed on 'The Tonight Show' with both Johnny Carson and Jay Leno, but not at th...
THOMAS F. WILSON NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me.
CARSON DALY Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL I'm good friends with Jay Leno, good friends with Ed O'Neill, Melanie Fiona and Russell Simm...
KEVIN HART A week later, President Bush said his administration's response to Katrina was unacceptable. Then he...
JAY LENO I've been on 'Jay Leno,' and everyone likes Jay, but being on that show is a really bori...
HENRY ROLLINS He's secretive by nature. It's a dumb thing for officials to do, especially someone as experienced a...
LARRY SABATO They all think the nuttier they are, the more likely they are to get on David Letterman or Jay Leno,...
BOOMER ESIASON Heath is not a public kind of guy and this has been rough for him. He has had to go on Oprah Winfrey...
TERRY GILLIAM [Jay Leno said the Federal Emergency Management Agency head recently appeared at his doorstep and sa...
DAVID LETTERMAN I'm working on Leno. He's from my home state, Massachusetts. And my home country, Italy. I s...
JOE ARPAIO My first acting gig was a skit for Jay Leno on 'The Tonight Show.' It was this Barbie commer...
BRIE LARSON With the DVR, I was mostly writing about it as a good thing in giving us the choice of when and how ...
DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF I was a big Jay Leno fan, so I was sorry to see him go. But my number one person that I watch, she...
MEGYN KELLY I am a big car enthusiast. I totally understand guys like Jay Leno who have a thousand cars. But ask...
CASEY JAMES Stephen Colbert has such a loyal following; I don't know if it's the same with Jay Leno; he ...
LISA HANNIGAN I first started doing hidden-camera segments on 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.' He was the...
MICHAEL CARBONARO Americans who read the papers or watch Jay Leno have been aware for some time now that there is a sl...
RUSTY SCHWEICKART When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, w...
NORM MACDONALD The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't f...
JAY LENO If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
JAY LENO The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had bot...
JAY LENO Martha Stewart stuffed and roasted canaries and found they
could no longer sing.
JAY LENO You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
JAY LENO If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
JAY LENO Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
JAY LENO Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said toda...
JAY LENO I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
JAY LENO For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that mak...
JAY LENO If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet...
JAY LENO Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
JAY LENO President Bush is taking the entire month of August off. Bush said today he thinks it is important f...
JAY LENO Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, so...
JAY LENO In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
JAY LENO Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
JAY LENO There is a penalty for trying to knock
down a cockpit door, but it's the people
who try to go from c...
JAY LENO a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).
JAY LENO Vice President Dick Cheney is currently out in South Dakota on a three-day hunting trip. What better...
JAY LENO The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a we...
JAY LENO Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will ...
JAY LENO There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give every...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good
Maybe you're...
JAY LENO The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
JAY LENO I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'W...
JAY LENO How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?
JAY LENO Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
JAY LENO Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Tea...
JAY LENO Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are...
JAY LENO Vice President Cheney is also on vacation. He's in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. What better place for a gu...
JAY LENO I just got a phone call that Tom Cruise had a baby girl about two minutes ago. No joke.
JAY LENO Did you hear about this story? ... Several Minnesota Vikings players are being investigated after a ...
JAY LENO Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who could...
JAY LENO It seems an Iranian-born German soccer star is refusing to play in his team's next match because it'...
JAY LENO The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors ...
JAY LENO President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000...
JAY LENO Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How di...
JAY LENO I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, F...
JAY LENO Luckily, when I was a kid, Ritalin hadn't been invented yet,
JAY LENO John Kerry met with Al Sharpton. Can you see the two of them standing together? It'd look like Abe L...
JAY LENO For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
JAY LENO I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "W...
JAY LENO More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistress...
JAY LENO CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's ...
JAY LENO The White House began airing their TV commercials to re-elect the president, and the John Kerry camp...
JAY LENO Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. B...
JAY LENO I was a little kid and I was fascinated by the roast beef going around the spit. So I took out my li...
JAY LENO Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember th...
JAY LENO I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you...
JAY LENO Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that S...
JAY LENO We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You know, that's a critical quest...
JAY LENO Dick Cheney has announced that he has agreed to be Bush's running mate in 2004. Cheney says wants fo...
JAY LENO Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lotter...
JAY LENO Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, ...
JAY LENO According to this week's Time magazine, President George Bush is a serious fitness buff. He works ou...
JAY LENO One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Ara...
JAY LENO They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 mill...
JAY LENO In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea fo...
JAY LENO The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You kno...
JAY LENO Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind...
JAY LENO According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton...
JAY LENO Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. Y...
JAY LENO The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry You can understand why...
JAY LENO Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is fi...
JAY LENO A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he c...
JAY LENO John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks...
JAY LENO Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at...
JAY LENO Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? ...
JAY LENO Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be th...
JAY LENO War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operat...
JAY LENO You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
JAY LENO Shaquille O'Neal, ... has signed a five-year, $100-million contract extension with the Miami Heat. ....
JAY LENO telling you how tough it was in the old days -- how cramped it was, how small it was, how lucky you ...
JAY LENO Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-ele...
JAY LENO
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BRUCE LEE Absorb what is useful, Discard what is not, Add what is uniquely your own.
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BRUCE HICKS No union has indicated to the company that they have any intention other than to sign the agreement....
BRUCE HICKS A pilots' strike would be fatal to Delta Air Lines.
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BRUCE LEE A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.
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BRUCE COVILLE Rock music should be gross: that's the fun of it. It gets up and drops its trousers.
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BRUCE JENNER If you want to take your mission in life to the next level, if you're stuck and you don't know how t...
BRUCE JENNER Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established sty...
BRUCE LEE If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your wo...
BRUCE LEE If I wasn't dyslexic, I probably wouldn't have won the Games. If I had been a better reader, then th...
BRUCE JENNER I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to min...
BRUCE LEE Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the funct...
BRUCE LEE Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.
BRUCE LEE Start early and begin raising the bar throughout the day.
BRUCE JENNER I learned that the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to work hard at it. Whether you...
BRUCE JENNER You just wait. I'm going to be the biggest Chinese Star in the world.
BRUCE LEE I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like 'Wh...
LENNY BRUCE The future looks extremely bright indeed, with lots of possibilities ahead -- big possibilities. Lik...
BRUCE LEE Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to sa...
LENNY BRUCE Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things. I am tempted to thin...
BRUCE BARTON When a load of bricks, dumped on a corner lot, can arrange themselves into a house; when a handful o...
BRUCE BARTON If you're going to dedicate every second to winning the decathlon, what are you doing wasting your t...
BRUCE JENNER If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
BRUCE BARTON The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance...
LENNY BRUCE The notion that big business and big labor and big government can sit down around a table somewhere ...
BRUCE BABBIT