Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she
would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN My mother would work 14 hours, and she'd come home, and she'd just get right into cooking......
MICHELLE PHAN If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE It'd be great to do some other TV. 'Breaking Bad' is definitely my home, but I'd lov...
BETSY BRANDT I wake when my wife wakes, at 7:30 A.M. I'd like to sleep longer, but she has to go off to work,...
SAID SAYRAFIEZADEH As a youngster, my mother and father always drilled into my head having something to fall back on. M...
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL The only way I'd be caught without makeup is if my radio fell in the bathtub while I was taking ...
DOLLY PARTON My grandmother was the greatest cook in the world. She could just go in there, the whole kitchen wou...
EDIE BRICKELL Dad would come home from doing odd jobs, and sometimes he'd come home late at night with lumber,...
JOHNNY MATHIS I would not drink bottles of water at my mom's house because I never knew how long she'd bee...
DAN FOGELMAN I'd have these weird experiences where I'd just be walking down the street with this chord p...
DUNCAN SHEIK My life changed in 2005 on the day I met my wife, Tamzin. She was in a play called 'Breathing Co...
TOM ELLIS My earliest memories of Gwyneth first singing is in bed when we would make up songs. The most I coul...
BLYTHE DANNER Even in high school, I'd tell my mom I was sick of swimming and wanted to try to play golf. She ...
MICHAEL PHELPS My parents were dishonest people. If it was my birthday, I knew my mother took me to the K-Mart and ...
VINCENT GALLO In an ideal world, I'd be able to do my shows in my pajamas. Luckily I've got one of the bes...
ANNE ROBINSON My eighth-grade year, I was home-schooled. I'd basically wake up, go to the gym in the morning, ...
JACOB DALTON In an ideal world, I'd spend every weekend at my home in Zermatt in Switzerland.
VANESSA MAE I remember I'd come home from fifth, sixth grade, and I'd watch 'Saved by the Bell' ...
CORY MONTEITH I've always thought my soundtracks do pretty good, because they're basically professional eq...
QUENTIN TARANTINO I got really bad grades, so I'd hide my report card from my dad. My mom was in on it, too, becau...
DAREN KAGASOFF I was my mother's favorite, and she'd help me with everything.
H. R. GIGER I'd be totally exhausted by mid-afternoon, and I could barely climb the stairs at home. It was p...
MICHAEL CRAWFORD As a kid, I was just led out in the morning to go spend my day with my friends and just run in the w...
ADAM BEACH My mum was a nurse, and her passion was geriatric care. I used to love listening to the old people...
OLIVIA COLMAN I was at the Royal Shakespeare Company, where I thought, in my naivete, I'd stay for the rest of...
CHRISTIAN MCKAY I always appreciated the magnitude of my mother's imagination. She always saw beauty in what was...
BLAKE LIVELY Every day I'd come home after school, pop the hood of my mom's car, put alligator clips on t...
RYAN HOLMES I was very fond of Princess Diana. She used to have me over to lunch to ask my advice. I'd give ...
PAUL JOHNSON I was a big Guns N' Roses fan when I was seven. My friend who lived across the street had long d...
KIRSTEN DUNST Even when I'm tired, when I come home and think about catching up on my sleep, I'd rather st...
CHARLIE HAAS I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA We'd be working in our motel room through the night, and I'd come up with an idea at two in ...
ARTHUR HILLER I've cried, and you'd think I'd be better for it, but the sadness just sleeps, and it st...
CONOR OBERST I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was...
ANDY WARHOL I once choked on a chip at a friend's birthday when I was seven and had to be sent home, as I...
STELLA YOUNG My dad was a really good surfer, and by the time I was 10, he was dragging me out on some good days ...
XAVIER RUDD If I hadn't had music in my life, it's quite possible I'd be dead and I'd much rathe...
JAMES HETFIELD If I could compete at home, and never leave Rochester, I'd be in perfect condition.
KATIE HOFF But in this case, he had my cell phone and my phone was ringing and I had just come back from Austra...
RADHA MITCHELL My parents separated when I was 2, and my dad always lived in Chicago and my mother in L.A. I'd ...
F. GARY GRAY My mom always encouraged me, it was never weird. She'd look at 'Heavy Metal' and go '...
ZACK SNYDER What I'd love to do would be to bring a person from the past to me. In that case I'd pick Ja...
JO BEVERLEY I'd perform in the mirror; I'd pretend to do interviews. I'd practice my autograph for h...
FLEUR EAST Whenever I wasn't in school with a tutor three hours a day, I'd get a knock and be rushed to...
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS My singing is really important to me, but when children come along they'll be my main focus. I...
KATY PERRY Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in pa...
BUD ABBOTT When I would visit my octopus friend, Octavia, at New England aquarium, usually she would look me in...
SY MONTGOMERY I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my be...
CAROL BURNETT If anybody wanted to photograph my life, they'd get bored in a day. 'Heres Matt at home lear...
MATT DAMON One time, a girl dropped her phone in my pocket and I found it and was like, 'There you go.'...
HARRY STYLES I remember watching films in my teenage years, and you'd be in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, and ...
LYKKE LI For many years I enjoyed the pleasure of cruising on my yacht all summer long and these were my best...
IVANA TRUMP When The Queen invited the Olympians to the Palace, I was first in line to speak to her. She said sh...
NICOLA ADAMS We'd be doing parkour on my high school roof; we'd get in trouble. But I was never a reckles...
DACRE MONTGOMERY Growing up, I'd just be at home, playing tennis, spending my allowance on an ice-cream truck.
VENUS WILLIAMS If I was able to be omniscient and look at my career objectively, I'd be very happy.
PAUL SPARKS A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I'd be the most flattered I'd b...
LISA LAMPANELLI I'm attached to my land in Pantelleria as if I'd inherited it. Acting is my job, Pantelleria...
CAROLE BOUQUET I was at my father's office, and I'd be in the back of his office, building Lego skyscrapers...
ERIC TRUMP After I'd hit a home run and took my position in the field, the fans in the bleachers began thro...
HANK SAUER And when I look at my mother, I reflect on her strength and endurance. She's cranky sometimes, b...
LISA SCOTTOLINE I'd always vaguely expected to outgrow my limitations. One day, I'd stop twisting my hair, a...
GRETCHEN RUBIN In every movie, there's always some physical thing that triggers the character for me. In 'T...
SISSY SPACEK When I raced with Mercedes, I thought I'd learn German. But my wife didn't want to live in G...
JUAN MANUEL FANGIO When I was a child I wanted to be a vet. I'd come home with "lost" kittens and dogs. M...
PHILIPPA GREGORY My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG When I was in seventh grade, I asked my parents for a mobile recording system for Christmas, and I g...
HUNTER HAYES I remember actually going to see the first 'Avengers' with one of my best mates from home. I...
TOM HOLLAND I auditioned in Chicago for Juilliard and didn't get in. I was basically living in a back room o...
ADAM DRIVER Growing up, I was in all the musicals and everything... I'd come home from school and bash out a...
MALLORY JANSEN Whitley Bay was my first experience of the seaside. I'd buy my bucket and spade, and beach ball,...
CHERIE LUNGHI I picked ducks in a tub in my dorm room. I'd hang deer in the doorway between the bedroom and th...
PHIL ROBERTSON I'm just glad my gold medal's at home, because I'd hate to try to win another.
CAITLYN JENNER So often at home in the West Village, I'm like, 'Why aren't I allowed a horse?' I wo...
CARY FUKUNAGA All of my friends are really good dancers, which was initially why I never danced - we'd go out,...
CHET FAKER I'd love to have tea and scones with the Queen; she's my idol.
AGYNESS DEYN Raft told me how to walk with him in a scene: We'd start off in a long shot normal, and about th...
MARIE WINDSOR I'd love sloth. I wish sloth would come home and visit me once in a while. I don't consider ...
KAJOL I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smarte...
JIMMY FALLON I was a huge fan of 'Mad' magazine when I was 11, 12, 13 years old. I'd scour used books...
AL YANKOVIC I have planted over 6,000 trees at home in Scotland, some of them oak. I'd like my children to b...
RORY STEWART If I were in the middle of some kind of legal issue, I would get in my car and drive to Fenway. I...
JOSEPH ABBOUD I was very academically inclined. But my inner life was in such turmoil. I'd go home and my home...
SONJA SOHN Ah, my dad's whistle. On holidays when I was a kid, we would all be off in the rock pools along ...
KATE WINSLET When I read the pilot 'for Married with Children', it just reminded me of my Uncle Joe... ju...
ED O'NEILL My father was placid and easygoing. He owned a small shoe store where I helped out on Saturdays. I t...
ALAN W. LIVINGSTON 'The Asylum Dance' was written after I'd moved back to Scotland and was a response to mo...
JOHN BURNSIDE I love 'Husbands and Wives,' Woody Allen's movie. It's like one of my all-time favor...
ZOE LISTER-JONES When I was in top shape I'd go to the ring and show my conditioning.
ALEXIS ARGUELLO My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of cours...
FRANK CARSON My stepfather was quite into opera, but he'd play it when he was in a bad mood, so you'd hea...
SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON David Holdaway was my stage name. I was an actor for about eight years in the '90s. I had to cha...
DAVID NICHOLLS I'd love to work with Lena Headey, Alfie Allen, Charles Dance. I'd love to work with Peter D...
GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE I'd love to do a movie with females in it, and not necessarily the female version of 'The Ha...
TODD PHILLIPS For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody kne...
DEMETRI MARTIN I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES When I decided to be a singer, my mother warned me I'd be alone a lot. Basically we all are.
WHITNEY HOUSTON
More Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN