Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
Jon Stewart
Related
Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit everyone once a year.
I always thought Jon Stewart was an extremely good surgeon with his scalpel. He would have Republica...
GREG GUTFELD There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is...
BOB PHILLIPS Everyone thinks of God as a man - you can't help it - Santa Claus was a man, therefore God has t...
PATTI SMITH It had been like discovering that Santa Claus was secretly a Nazi.
BRANDON SANDERSON Express mail is always available, and we deliver on Christmas Day. The carriers dress up like Santa ...
BRENDA RYANS Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
FRANCIS PHARCELLUS CHURCH God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat
HENRY LOUIS MENCKEN I remember being banned from other houses as a younger child during the winter holiday season; I was...
JAMI ATTENBERG I like being a Girl Scout.
DEBBIE REYNOLDS God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
OLIVER MARKUS The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it.
MAE WEST There are no ugly women, only lazy ones
HELENA RUBINSTEIN Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she mana...
LESLIE MCINTYRE Personally, I think if a women hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky
DEBORAH KERR Outward beauty is not enough; to be attractive a woman must use words, wit, playfulness, sweet-talk,...
PETRONIUS If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted - there is practically nothing she can't...
HELEN LAWRENSON Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn...
CLARE BOOTHE LUCE The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could g...
BETTY GRABLE Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
JOSEPH CONRAD There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad dayl...
WASHINGTON IRVING I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the fi...
GILDA RADNER [He considers me] just a uterus with legs.
MARY BETH WHITEHEAD They didn't have very far to fall--I knew just being a girl in the world handicapped your ability to...
EMMA CLINE The real Santa Claus is at the mall.
LEMONY SNICKET Everything is a theory and you are blind to comprehend it, and reality is nothing but an illusion.
ANONYMOUS BEING Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
ALFRED E. SMITH Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.
ALFRED SMITH I like to play Santa Claus for people; I like to cheer people up.
DELBERT TEILLE I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Everyone seems to relate to the awkwardness of being a teenager, or even a 30-year-old.
EDDIE KAYE THOMAS He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly...
CLEMENT C. MOORE, LL.D. You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate ...
CHARLES M. SCHULZ Christmas present from Russian Santa Claus.
PAVEL DATSYUK I'm more of a seafood guy. If they had a Lobster Bowl I might be looking like Santa Claus.
JONATHAN SCOTT Oh it's been like Christmastime. Like Christmastime. Everybody sees a Santa Claus, but they're reall...
LES WILLIAMS It's called the Santa Claus effect, ... The holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle.
ANDREW BARRETT These issues should not be resolved with a Santa Claus yarmulke.
SHEILA GORDON Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year
VICTOR BORGE God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
BIL KEANE I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Being a teenager is hard.
MAE WHITMAN I enjoy being a girl.
PALOMA FAITH Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
VICTOR BORGE A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus.
HERBERT HOOVER History is like Santa Claus: a language construction. We have some registers about the existence of ...
ALVARO ENRIGUE When the candles are out all women are fair
PLUTARCH Human beings tolerate what they understand they have to tolerate.
JANE RULE She must not swing her arms as though they were dangling ropes; she must not switch herself this way...
EMILY POST So few grown women like their lives
KATHARINE GRAHAM I am my own woman.
EVITA PERóN Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers.
GLORIA STEINEM The moment WE realize our mistakes, our sins, our selfishness, the trouble we gave others, the pain ...
NEHA KOTHARI You touch a screen to turn off lights in a room or activate the alarm system. The home owner can als...
GEORGE JAMES Women are looking for good father material. He can mention the fact that he knows how to coach Littl...
LORI GOTTLIEB We're like their Santa Claus. It's kind of special and we make them feel normal.
ENRIQUE GARCIA Jon knows the difference of being irreverent without being impolite. This is not a political show. I...
GIL CATES The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.
MOKOKOMA MOKHONOANA It's sort of like Santa Claus left a present under the tree for everybody and leaves it open to liti...
HEIDI MCINTOSH When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was r...
TOM HANKS God wants your soul for all eternity. All Santa requires is cookies and milk... One night out of the...
PAUL HENDERSON Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist....
ARLO GUTHRIE Heck, I think they've even brought Santa Claus in.
BOB SCHLAG I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12!
DANIELLE DE NIESE Later that day I went back to the old turf-house door and drew back the ivy. There between the stone...
ALICE TAYLOR The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jo...
STEPHEN COLBERT Life is a Long Journey between Human Being and Being Human. Let's take at least one step
each d...
DRISHTI BABLANI A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's stil...
JAMES G. COZZENS A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's sti...
JAMES G. COZZENS A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's stil...
J. G. COZZENS I like being a leader in real life.
DONNIE WAHLBERG It's just fun just being a girl.
STACY KEIBLER Just like Santa Claus, a farmer works all year on a commodity, and at the end of the year he gives i...
RONALD DAWSON Santa is like a queen bee. All the elves are his drones, who exist to feed him royal jelly, which I ...
THOMM QUACKENBUSH So, you're the Santa Claus of the magic world with a naughty and nice list?
ZOE FORWARD A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he'...
JAMES GOULD COZZENS I wouldn't expect a hack writer who looks like a bad case of hemorrhoids to say anything interesting...
STEVE IVERSON We're talking to Jon Stewart, who was just lecturing us on our moral inferiority. Jon, you're bummin...
TUCKER CARLSON "I believe a loving Santa Claus, brings more than gifts & toys. He shares his Christ-like love, spre...
TOM BAKER AKA THE PONDERING MAN I don't care if Santa Claus is the coach as long as we win.
JOHN MADDEN Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven...
H. L. MENCKEN The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction...
JON STEWART The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rath...
CRISS JAMI If Santa Claus was a politician, he would only put billboards promising the best Christmas presents.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
STEPHEN CHOBOSKY The glorification of the "'woman's role," then, seems to be in proportion to society's reluctance to...
BETTY FRIEDAN ...everybody wants to make a difference, but nobody is willing to be different.
ANDY ANDREWS The soul that feeds on books alone --/ I count that soul exceeding small / That lives alone by book ...
JOAQUIN MILLER Men are just as vain as women, and sometimes even more so.
HELENA RUBINSTEIN I didn't want to be a boy, ever, but I was outraged that his height and intelligence were graces for...
JANE RULE A really plain woman is one who, however beautiful, neglects to charm
EDGAR SALTUS A woman who has no way of expressing herself and of realizing herself as a full human being has noth...
ENRIQUETA LONGAUEX-VASQUEZ My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
BILL COSBY I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.
SEX AND THE CITY I feel sexy when I get out of the tub - your skin is fresh and you've put up your hair without looki...
SHANIA TWAIN It's not about who you sleep with, or whether you know about sports or tools or have a pearl-wearing...
BEN MONOPOLI I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not e...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY It's strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Dr. Armonson stitched up her wrist wounds. Within five minutes of the transfusion he declared her ou...
JEFFREY EUGENIDES The best happiness a woman can boast is that of being most carefully deceived
GEORGE JAMES
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JON MEACHAM If I were in a situation where I had to meet a pack of wolves and my family is with me, I'm goin...
JON SEDA I like San Francisco, but I don't think I'd want to work in Palo Alto. It seems like a prett...
JON ORINGER When I went to Everest, I underestimated things. I just didn't know what altitude could do. Or t...
JON KRAKAUER With tens of thousands of patients dying every year from preventable medical errors, it is imperativ...
JON PORTER Some people say that their pets will tell them when it's time to go. I don't believe that. N...
JON KATZ A border collie named Orson inspired me to buy a 110-acre farm with four barns and a sheep. That led...
JON KATZ If you're going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you're going to lose...
JON KATZ Some rescue groups are highly organized, experienced, well-funded, nearly professional. Others are s...
JON KATZ It's easy to see why dog rescue is a mushrooming culture. Turning a troubled person's life a...
JON KATZ Lifetime dogs intersect with our lives with particular impact; they're dogs we love in especiall...
JON KATZ