Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.

I had no talent for science. What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers.

I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people.

Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.