But I'm still not 100% convinced that Roger Clemens took steroids. I'm not.

I love the game very much, but when you were a certain type of player for a few years, being a front-end starter, that's the way I still think I can pitch. But the body tells you no.

I was a little nothing. My brother Kurt was a lot older. Mark had three years on me. They were all better. But maybe I learned a lot in those games. We had leagues where we'd imitate big-leaguers.

He'd get frustrated. I'd say, 'O.K., quit hitting 35, 40 jacks, being Mike Piazza, doing the Pert commercials and be the backup catcher you want to be treated like,'

It's different. But I was definitely ready, and I was charged about it. How could you not be?

I look at this as a second life. Every game feels like an event. Every pitch matters. I need that. It elevates your aggressiveness.