Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.

What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.