Describing an opposing team: Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

My best girl is dead.

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

When you look at where team sports are going, the National Football League is turning into organized warfare.

In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.