Drake comes over and sits on the arm of the couch, a Landon no-no. Figures. Drake can knock girls up, deform the furniture and no one says boo. What the hell did I ever do?

We could call him Gynecological Gage or Assman - AssHOLE - take your pick.

You didn't happen to see your future mother-in-law at that meeting today, did you?" May as well milk the effort.
"Yes, the hormonal carp was present."
"Marshall!"
"She blew me a new one, as you would say."
"She ripped you a new one," I correct. "The word blow has an entirely different meaning. I suggest you remove it from your lexicon.

I shake my head. I don't want anything from Logan. Logan is dangerous. Handling a wholesome dairy product does not ease the effects of the malfeasance he's guilty of.

I try to ignore the fact that he's sprawled out next to me in all his birthday suit glory right now which totally confuses the hell out of me. What am I supposed to be doing? Should I grab onto it with both hands like a fire hose?

Ellis: "What's so funny?"

Skyla: You're funny," I say. "You look real scary. I bet your mom's proud, though." I don't know why I add that last bit, I just do.