Every man�s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.


Jerry Lewis

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Whenever I think of my birthplace, Walton-on-Thames, my reference first and foremost is the river. I...
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The whole world is a man's birthplace.
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Most people don't know that Congo Square was originally a Muscogee ceremonial ground... in New O...
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Home is one's birthplace, ratified by memory.
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Oh, how hard it must be to die anywhere but in one's birthplace.
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People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.
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I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't g...
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I almost resent being Charley Moviestar. Yeah, I'm grateful. But it takes me away from my kids.
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From 1936 on, I have taken more falls than any other 20 comedians put together. From the time I was ...
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I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' th...
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The young man who's had the Guggenheim fortune behind him all his life - he can hire all the aut...
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I need the applause.
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Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been win...
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The greatest thing I can remember in my whole career was the Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bail...
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When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when ...
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You want to know why Barbra Streisand is so difficult? Because she's brilliant. She's a bril...
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This is the pain pacemaker. I've got a battery under my skin. From that battery are two electrod...
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You can't be faulted for being selfish if you're going to get better because of it.
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When I hit around 65, 66, I started to feel tremendous worth and incredible personal esteem. I was b...
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Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your hou...
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Adrenaline is wonderful. It covers pain. It covers dementia. It covers everything.
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I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else g...
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The county can't even enforce the permits they've issued and they want to issue more.
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Don't you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at t...
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Interviews are vital, but you cannot allow an interviewer to take your life and disturb it.
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I've raised my boys the old-fashioned way, with spankings, sending them upstairs if they misbeha...
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Postwar America was a very buttoned-up nation. Radio shows were run by censors, Presidents wore hats...
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A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit, ... I, as a viewer, have trouble wit...
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When I sit back and think a little more rationally, I realize my life is half, so I must learn to do...
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He lived his way, and it didn't in any way encumber anyone around him, ... I never envied it, becaus...
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What's happened at 85 is I've lost my appetite. I used to be a little hog when I was young. ...
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I've had great success being a total idiot.
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My Judaism has always been a great pride with me.
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I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or ...
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I get paid for what most kids get punished for.
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The Doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 buc...
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Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!
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My door is always open to any member who wishes to build consensus on reducing unnecessary spending....
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I expect people that come to the studio to work to come with the same energy I come with. If I see l...
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I had a box of Kleenex and I'm bawling like a child and I'm not believing it, ... If I had the sligh...
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That's a relationship we need to formalize, ... We would be absolutely foolish not to examine carefu...
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We're not going to be delivering a bill to the president's desk that is veto bait.
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I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of somethi...
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When you're 89, dementia develops. I mean, I've told a story onstage, and I'm telling it...
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There's something wonderful about taking a tag off a pair of socks, off a shirt, off a jacket. I...
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It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke...
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I don't ordinarily do television because I don't like some of the things projected on it.
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A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't peop...
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Turning 90 is not for sissies.
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We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth... or ...
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When you get a question like, 'Did you like meeting Her Majesty?' 'No, I thought she was...
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I'm really not thick-skinned - my wife will tell you that I take sunsets personally - but I know...
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Going unnoticed has never been my strong suit.
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Billy Crystal, Steve Martin do wonderful things.
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Seeing a woman project the kind of aggression that you have to project as a comic just rubs me wrong...
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If I'm going to Hell, I'm going there playing the piano.
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Normally, things are viewed in these little segmented boxes. There's classical, and then there&#...
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When they look back on me I want 'em to remember me not for all my wives, although I've had ...
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Either be hot or cold. If you are lukewarm, the Lord will spew you forth from His mouth.
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Hippies? Why, I'm the original.
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Y'know, there's nothin' like tearing up a good club now and then.
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My momma always said, 'You and Elvis are pretty good, but y'all ain't no Chuck Berry.
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Gangsta rap was the most important movement since the beginning of rock n' roll.
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Perfection has to do with the end product, but excellence has to do with the process.
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We are all born as empty vessels which can be shaped by moral values.
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Because you can't do anything halfway, you've got to go all the way in anything you do.
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To me, it's not the end of the world if I end up not being with someone. I love romance. I love ...
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We want young people to know what they believe, why they believe it. I believe America was built on ...
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Works of art often last forever, or nearly so. But exhibitions themselves, especially gallery exhibi...
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I never realized that growing up in Brooklyn, flying jets, working on Wall Street and starring in a ...
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We have to restore power to the family, to the neighborhood, and the community with a non-market pri...
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There is a public perception that Paris Hilton is the black sheep of the family.
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It took the Metropolitan Museum of Art nearly 50 years to wake up to Pablo Picasso. It didn't ow...
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Kevin Garnett was a great player, but he wasn't Kobe Bryant.
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I guess I've always been a groupie. My first date was a bull rider called Tommy Lee Bryant. We&#...
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I studied drama in high school, and when I was 18, I studied at the Actors Studio in New York. Then ...
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When I was young, I was a sucker for smooth men. Bryan Ferry hired me, at 19, to be painted blue and...
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I see myself as the buffer between the band and the record company.
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New Yorkers only cross water for visual culture if the water is an ocean. The East River throws us f...
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Whoever is sitting in the White House, especially in their second term, when gas goes up to $3 a gal...
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You wouldn't want to see the size of the check that I would write if it would for sure get the D...
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And Warner Bros. seems to be pretty much into re-releasing all of their catalog. So there's the ...
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When I gave up law to go into real estate, my mother said, 'How can you give up the law?' Bu...
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When I bought the team, I wasn't thinking about a new arena. But obviously I'm very proud of...
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Scanadu is right at the heart of the next generation of computing, which combines mobility, sensors,...
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I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their...
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'The Night Cafe' and 'The Starry Night' still emit such pathos, density, and intensi...
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I really am glad that the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children has had the cou...
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Recycling, packaging, businesses are changing all of those things because that's what consumers ...
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The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. Y...
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Pension reform can be hard to talk about. In the long run, reform now means fewer demands for layoff...
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When it's the caliber of fight that Canelo Alvarez and Liam Smith is, that's a big deal, and...
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The things that are happening to me are unbelievable. I'm actually busier right now than when I ...
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I can tell you, I grew up with great coaching, and it had nothing to do with sports. I had great par...
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I call it like I see it. I don't hold back when it comes to being candid on the hot issues.
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When the purse strings tighten up at museums, the institutions usually cut back and cancel shows. Th...
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Just as Pollock used the drip to meld process and product, Richter 'found' and used the smud...
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'Hound Dog' took like twelve minutes. That's not a complicated piece of work. But the rh...
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The State of Israel has faced obstacles and challenges to its very survival, with conventional milit...
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Startups are often very undercapitalised, but I found that to be very beneficial because it forces y...
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I think that N.W.A. picked up where Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King would have gone if they had...
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Prosperity is living easily and happily in the real world, whether you have money or not.
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Making a million dollars is the simplest thing in the world. Just find a product that sells for $200...
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MoMA is one of the world's great cultural institutions with one of the world's premier Board...
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The tax code can be used to eliminate the toll booths on the information superhighway.
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The first memory I have was my sisters dancing to the radio when they played records by Benny Goodma...
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You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. A successful marr...
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I discovered the Clash, the Pistols, obviously the Ramones, Blondie.
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We were watching bands like the Ramones and Blondie and other bands beginning to ignite.
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My long, blonde hair has been my trademark ever since I started modelling in the Seventies, when I w...
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If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.
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Prosperity is living easily and happily in the real world, whether you have money or not.
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If God had an agent, the world wouldn't be built yet. It'd only be about Thursday.
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I know it's dangerous to take on bloggers. They can go after you every day, all day long, and an...
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People come to me with their passion about transportation, about education, about health care, about...
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You be you and I'll be me, today and today and today, and let's trust the future to tomorrow. Let th...
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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It's in the morning, for most of us. It's that time, those few seconds when we're coming out of slee...
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess ...
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Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the othe...
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Our worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are...
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Do not get attatched to the world as it is. Because the world is changing something new is coming.
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When a stargirl cries, she sheds not tears but light.
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Most men act so tough and strong on the outside because on the inside, we are scared, weak, and frag...
JERRY RUBIN
I have made decisions that turned out to be wrong, and went back and did it another way, and still t...
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It doesn't matter what I say as long as I sound different from other politicians.
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Make sure you visualize what you really want, not what someone else wants for you.
JERRY GILLIES
And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rain...
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Confidence is a lot of this game or any game. If you don't think you can, you won't.
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When the game is over it is really just beginning.
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When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
JERRY MARTIN
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...
Not easy. There's an ent...
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
JERRY GARCIA
You will recognize your own path when you come upon it, because you will suddenly have all the energ...
JERRY GILLIES
The government is becoming the family of last resort.
JERRY BROWN
It takes a lot more energy to fail than to succeed, since it takes a lot of concentrated energy to h...
JERRY GILLIES
You do not merely want to be considered just the best of the best. You want to be considered the onl...
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Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside a...
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I'm shopping around for something to do that no one will like.
JERRY GARCIA
Profitability doesn't happen when you're walking on bullshit.
JERRY MARTIN
Inaction may be the biggest form of action.
JERRY BROWN
For me, the lame part of the Sixties was the political part, the social part. The real part was the ...
JERRY GARCIA
The more you love what you are doing, the more successful it will be for you.
JERRY GILLIES
What you do is more important than how much you make, and how you feel about it is more important th...
JERRY GILLIES
Nobody stopped thinking about those psychedelic experiences. Once you've been to some of those place...
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Prisons don't rehabilitate, they don't punish, they don't protect, so what the hell do they do?
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By the end, everybody had a label -- pig, liberal, radical, revolutionary ... If you had everything ...
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It's a morbid observation, but if every one on earth just stopped breathing for an hour, the greenho...
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Too often, we say we are defeated by this or that sin. No, we are not defeated. We are simply disobe...
JERRY BRIDGES
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'
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The backseat produced the sexual revolution.
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Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
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According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death i...
JERRY SEINFELD
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits th...
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Most men act so tough and strong on the outside because on the inside, we are scared, weak, and fr...
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A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
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Destroy your life; then put it back together.You'll get great material, meet some fascinating charac...
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AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society th...
JERRY FALWELL
We need to make sure the Department of Agriculture is promoting farmers and ranchers.
JERRY MORAN
I'm going to keep thinking about topping myself every time. I can say very confidently that Alic...
JERRY CANTRELL
'Home Alone' was a movie, not an alibi.
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A metaphysical tour de force of untethered meaning and involuting interlocking contrapuntal rhythms,...
JERRY SALTZ
Not to say people shouldn't get rich from art. I adore the alchemy wherein artists who cast a co...
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Success has a lot to do with luck, but it also involves a lot of real hard work. The thing about suc...
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I am such a strong admirer and supporter of George W. Bush that if he suggested eliminating the inco...
JERRY FALWELL
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fit...
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Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Aus...
JERRY LAWLER
They'd have to force me to take the All-Star Game. They take over the building, your season-tick...
JERRY REINSDORF
Stuff that's hidden and murky and ambiguous is scary because you don't know what it does.
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Montana and I had a chemistry that was unbelievable. When I first came into the league he told me I ...
JERRY RICE
I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.R and I have been successful. ...
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Anne is very forgiving. She doesn't care about money, being rich, or clothes. We never argued ab...
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To me it was never about what I accomplished on the football field, it was about the way I played th...
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I don't like to be rushed. I plan my outfits for the week in advance. I find the appropriate out...
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I like wearing my wedding ring, it's nice.
JERRY O'CONNELL
Only an artist as preternaturally acute and copacetic, as oddly visionary and just odd as Richard Ar...
JERRY SALTZ
I get very nervous when I have to take my wedding ring off.
JERRY O'CONNELL
Teams that consistently perform at the highest levels are able to come together and be unified acros...
JERRY REINSDORF
The alternate media are becoming important and viable alternatives to playing live. Records, videos,...
JERRY GARCIA
Part of the healing process is sharing with other people who care.
JERRY CANTRELL
It's really important for children to have good morals and good manners, and that they're th...
JERRY HALL
When comics came along in the 1930s there was a talent pool waiting. And one reason is so many areas...
JERRY ROBINSON
Through these adversities, Israel has endured with continued strength, conviction, and faith.
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The giant white cube is now impeding rather than enhancing the rhythms of art. It preprograms a view...
JERRY SALTZ
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if...
JERRY SEINFELD
Companies such as Microsoft, Cisco and Intel were just starting at their 10-year anniversary.
JERRY YANG
When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It reall...
JERRY SEINFELD
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
JERRY SEINFELD
Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
JERRY SEINFELD
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
JERRY SEINFELD
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
JERRY SEINFELD
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
JERRY SEINFELD
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
JERRY SEINFELD
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on...
JERRY SEINFELD
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I...
JERRY SEINFELD
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
JERRY SEINFELD
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and...
JERRY SEINFELD
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
JERRY SEINFELD
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
JERRY SEINFELD
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
JERRY SEINFELD
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers...
JERRY SEINFELD