Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.


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The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
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Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
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I can't wait for that to never happen.
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I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
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Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
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Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
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Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
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I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
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Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
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Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
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An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
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My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
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Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
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You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
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Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
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It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
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If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
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Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
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Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
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