Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet --two clarionets.

NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog