Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Groucho Marx
Related
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX "The older you get, the more awards you get. So, if you live long enough, then you get all the award...
KIRK DOUGLAS The older you get, the more awards you get. So, if you live long enough, then you get all the awards...
KIRK DOUGLAS When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Getting older, you just don't want to sing fluffy.
CHRISTINA AGUILERA I'm just getting older and better.
NEAL SCHON As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thi...
KAREN DECROW Many people think that depression is something you just have to live with when you get older, but it...
TOM BOSLEY Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Who am I?? No, No you don't ask the questions I ask them my question is how much stupid are you??......
DEYTH BANGER Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX The only thing you have to show for a wasted or spent time is that you just realize that you are get...
SUNDAY ADELAJA If you're not getting older, you're dead.
TOM PETTY Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
DON MARQUIS Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX It is irresponsible to conclude that we don't have enough water. You can't just imagine you have a p...
BOB FULTON Here's proof that if you live long enough, anything is possible.
BARRY MANILOW Here's proof that if you live long enough, anything is possible.
BARRY MANILOW We actually have the tools in the life sciences to achieve anything that you have the audacity to en...
BILL MARIS Misery is the stuff of comedy, if one can just live long enough to get over it.
CHARLES PLATT The minute you're born, you're getting older.
DORIS ROBERTS Getting old is a fascination thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON Getting old is a fascination thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.
KEITH RICHARDS Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.
KEITH RICHARDS You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE BURNS You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE F. BURNS You must live long enough to remember your mistake. That is your punishment. That is your destiny.
E. MELLYBERRY Getting older makes you no wiser, but number of lessons that learned.
TOBA BETA Suffering is like anything else. Live with it long enough, you learn to like the taste.
LEIGH BARDUGO We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
DAVE FARBER The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
GREG BEHRENDT You have enough time to do everything God wants you to do.
CRAIG GROESCHEL May you get exactly what you want and live long enough to regret it.
SHERRILYN KENYON If you live long enough, lots of nice things happen.
GEORGE HALAS I used to look at composing music as problem solving. But as I get older, it's not about problem...
JOHN ZORN Getting older makes you no wiser,
but number of lessons that learned.
TOBA BETA You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
GEORGE BURNS The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH The problem as you get older... is that you become more self-aware. At the same time, you have to su...
SEAMUS HEANEY What I like best about cell phones is that I can talk to myself in the car now and nobody thinks it'...
RON BRACKIN You have punished me long enough, you have punished yourself long enough. Return to me. I beg.
MELISSA DE LA CRUZ The more you are getting older, you lose a little something. Of course there is another advantage, b...
HAILE GEBRSELASSIE Because tanning and steroids are only a problem if you plan to live a long time.
CHUCK PALAHNIUK I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX The problem with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long.
MARIE CORELLI It is necessary for you to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them a...
HYMAN RICKOVER PARENTAL OBSERVATIONS
A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
A child will not ...
UNKNOWN Just getting a degree is not enough, and you need to sell your ideas.
AKKINENI NAGARJUNA You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, THE DARK KNIGHT The major problem you're going to have is that you're not going to have anything current enough to d...
JACK VANDERHEI Getting older is hard.
ALEC BALDWIN How long have you been standing there?"
"Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle fin...
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT You had a good dinner of properly fried food, and if you want to live long enough to have another on...
DEAN KOONTZ It's huge getting him back. Now we have two threats. We just have to keep him in one piece long enou...
AL BORGES No passion should be strong or long enough to kill you!
Everything they say about it is bullshit!
It...
DR. VINOD B. NAIR We don't have enough Latinos on TV just getting cast in supporting roles; the idea of having you...
CRISTELA ALONZO The name of the game is taking care of yourself, because you're going to live long enough to wish yo...
GRACE MIRABELLA Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restr...
GLORIA SWANSON We are just trying to plan ahead because it's getting older.
GINA DEANGELO Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
HARVEY DENT Sometimes it is good to be created like animal. You eat, you protect yourself, you want to have sex....
EPHDAN Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD No problem is insoluble, given a big enough plastic bag.
MARIE MUHAMMAD That record is getting long enough that it has pretty good accuracy.
JAY ZWALLY If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR I have no problem getting financing. I have a problem catching ideas that I fall in love with for th...
DAVID LYNCH This is just long enough.
ELI REICH You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all you...
SAMUEL LEVENSON You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all you...
SAM LEVENSON You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly
live long enough to make them all you...
SAM LEVENSON If you are content, you have enough to live comfortably.
PLAUTUS I'm fine, no problem with that. If I have time to ready and get comfortable, I have no problem with ...
BRANDON MCCARTHY Learn from the mistakes of others -- you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
SOURCE UNKNOWN Learn from the mistakes of others. You cant live long enough to make them all yourself.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others-you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
JOHN LUTHER Every game from here on out is important, so we'll have no problem getting motivated for these games...
SCOTT ELARTON Sea Shepherd is to terrorism what Groucho was to Marxism.
PAUL WATSON You just have to believe in yourself when you've got something, and just keep pounding on the door, ...
CYNTHIA WEIL I just have to have faith that one of these days something's going to break wide open. I'm getting o...
JANEY SILVER Stages are getting higher and higher, and I'm getting older and older.
IGGY POP I don't really have a choice. I'm getting older.
ANNETTE BENING Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be b...
ANDY WARHOL Getting older is something you make a decision about. You can get old without becoming an older pers...
HOWARD STONE The secret of long marriage? ~ It's simple: You just have to find the right woman and old enough.
VIKRANT PARSAI I have no problem with people feeling a bit down - crikey, you only have to walk down the road to fi...
MARK BARROWCLIFFE Got to face the day no matter the consequenceWorld ain't getting better, ain't no improvementEverywh...
DAMIAN MARLEY When a person is lucky enough to live inside a story, to live inside an imaginary world, the pains o...
PAUL AUSTER
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX