Golf...is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and plays his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.


P. G. [Sir Pelham Grenville] Wodehouse

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Employers are like horses — they require management.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular mess...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
She looked like something that might have occured to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The principle I always go on in writing a novel is to think of the characters in terms of actors in ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hou...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
If this is Upper Silesia, what on earth must Lower Silesia be like?
P.G. WODEHOUSE
What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I'm not absolutely certain of my facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare -- or, if not, it's some...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
But when I say 'cow', don’t go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It seems to be one of Nature’s laws that the most attractive girls should have the least attractiv...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with,...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
One of the Georges - I forget which - once said that a certain number of hours' sleep each night - I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
...there was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. I...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to reme...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It was a morning when all nature shouted "Fore!" The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterfli...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge t...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
There is nothing an author today has to guard himself more carefully against than the Saga Habit. Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb tr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
A certain critic -- for such men, I regret to say, do exist -- made the nasty remark about my last n...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.

'Go to hell!' said Bill.

'Right-...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'
There is no time, sir, at which ties do no...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literatu...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
He was one of those earnest, persevering dancers--the kind that have taken twelve correspondence les...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The coops were finished. They were not masterpieces, and I have seen chickens pause before them in d...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
All nice girls sketch a little.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I went into the kitchen ten minutes back. The cat was sitting on the mat."

Beale's narra...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes."
"He's alwa...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I was in that painful condition which occurs when one has lost one's first wind and has not yet got ...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Conversationally, I am like a clockwork toy. I have to be set going.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realizes this, and slides out of...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Man's inability to get out of bed in the morning is a curious thing. One may reason with oneself cle...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the s...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Half a league
Half a league
Half a league onward
With a hey-nonny-nonny
And a ho...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing f...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I said, 'Don't talk rot, Old Tom Travers."
"I am not accustomed to talk rot," he said.
"Th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
P.G. WODEHOUSE
[A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothin...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
The storm is over, there is sunlight in my heart. I have a glass of wine and sit thinking of what ha...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had cr...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to b...
P.G. WODEHOUSE
I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at th...
P.G. WODEHOUSE