Grief is at once a public and a private experience. One's inner, inexpressible disruption cannot be fully realized in one's public persona.

If the condition of grief is nearly universal, its transactions are exquisitely personal.

Grief is a bad moon, a sleeper wave. It's like having an inner combatant, a saboteur who, at the slightest change in the sunlight, or at the first notes of a jingle for a dog food commercial, will flick the memory switch, bringing tears to your eyes.

Grief is characterized much more by waves of feeling that lessen and reoccur, it's less like stages and more like different states of feeling.

There's the private persona and the public persona and the two shall never meet.

But there is a discomfort that surrounds grief. It makes even the most well-intentioned people unsure of what to say. And so many of the freshly bereaved end up feeling even more alone.