Happy New Year, Julie.”
“Happy New Year, Matty.” She turned off the television and rolled onto her side. “Matty, I have another question for you.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Are you a skilled lover?”
“And that concludes our evening chat.

Why is luge a sport? You dress up like a giant sperm and go sledding really fast. That’s hardly athletic. Phallic and sexy, yes. But hardly athletic.

I'm done peeing now."
"Thank you for letting me know.

At least I'm not a font nerd."
"A what?"
Matt smiled. "You know. People who love fonts. There are people who go to a movie and get agitated because, while the movie is supposed to be set in 1962, the restaurant awning shown in the background of some scene is printed in Arras Bold, which wasn't invented until 1991, so clearly the producers of the movie are insane and should be beheaded.

I’ve read countless literary works that detail the longing and ache that characters have for someone they love, and over time, I have developed a strong belief that it’s just dramatic bullshit meant to entice readers.

We eat. We sleep. We keep going.