Having a birthday around the holidays was never easy and, with every successive year, it felt more and more as if celebrating my birthday got thrown into the December holiday mix as an afterthought.


Chelsea Manning

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One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush sp...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around b...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
CHELSEA HANDLER
He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
CHELSEA HANDLER
Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours of the morning when he ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends lik...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his...
CHELSEA HANDLER
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and cal...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Have you ever experienced a pain so sharp in your heart that it's all you can do to take a breath? I...
CHELSEA HANDLER
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbli...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I saw him for first time spinning fire out on the beach. Oh my god I totally thought that was hot!
CHELSEA TELLER
Ugly people kill people all the time. But when pretty people did, it got attention.
CHELSEA CAIN
I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hostin...
CHELSEA HANDLER
It's a great accomplishment. I didn't care about anything else except winning this game. It's an Ind...
CHELSEA KILTY
I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looki...
CHELSEA HANDLER
And why is Heather wearing pink? Come on, people."
Heather rolled her eyes and disappeared back...
CHELSEA FINE
I performed after 9/11 for relief workers down by Ground Zero. There were these men just coming back...
CHELSEA PERETTI
I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she'...
CHELSEA HANDLER
When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Burning Man is such a huge part of my life and my identity. The things I believe make me a good pers...
CHELSEA TELLER
I think with our problems with hopelessness and cynicism that [the solution] ultimately has to come ...
CHELSEA CLINTON
How we use these surpluses in this moment of prosperity will determine America's future for decades ...
CHELSEA CLINTON
For all the tornadoes Arkansas has, and the ones that have hit around Little Rock, we never had one ...
CHELSEA CLINTON
I didn't wear my knee brace for the first time, so I really felt like I could move around.
CHELSEA WAGNER
We're goof balls. We don't really care a whole lot about what's going on around us, as long as we're...
CHELSEA DAVIS
I am excited to work with NBC News to continue to highlight stories of organizations and individuals...
CHELSEA CLINTON
Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you ...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I read a lot of 'Nancy Drew' books as a kid and considered myself a bit of an amateur detect...
CHELSEA CAIN
Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, peopl...
CHELSEA HANDLER
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite th...
CHELSEA HANDLER
We play as a team. We don?t have one player. We have many players.
CHELSEA MCTIGUE
Movies were movies, whether they were old or new. They always captivated me, pulled me into worlds w...
CHELSEA SEDOTI
Movies were movies, whether they were old or new. They always captivated me, pulled me into worlds w...
CHELSEA SEDOTI
Phew, that was a close one. I just didn't seem to be able to get any good waves. I was lucky to get ...
CHELSEA GEORGESON
We were able to get them into foster homes within several hours.
CHELSEA SHERIDAN
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink ag...
CHELSEA HANDLER
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
CHELSEA HANDLER
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not inter...
CHELSEA HANDLER
Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
CHELSEA HANDLER
You get to learn about different cultures-the different parts of the country. The diversity is diffe...
CHELSEA COWMAN
I think it's a great opportunity, especially for students who have wanted to go out of state and cou...
CHELSEA COWMAN
We proved we could be safe and secure at home, and still have more allies and friends in the world.
CHELSEA CLINTON
Don't let your characters tell you what to do. They can be pushy. Some writers say that they cre...
CHELSEA CAIN
I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.
CHELSEA HANDLER
I love the right words. I think economy and precision of language are important.
CHELSEA CLINTON