He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time

I'm being assessed for it. I get nothing, ... I was told by the time I got my tax bill I would get water. My mistake was in not asking them what year.

I cannot sing the old songs I sang long years ago, And yet I cannot say I'm sad That time hath changed us so, For when I used to sing those songs, My Papa blankety blanked, And Mama took me on her knee And I, alas! was spanked

The biggest fish he ever caught were those that got away.

How gracious those dews of solace that over my senses fall At the clink of the ice in the pitcher the boy brings up the hall.

When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred, He quoth, "A large cold bottle, and a small hot bird!"