He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.


Woody Allen

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I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.
LESLEY BOONE
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
People try to say suicide is the most cowardly act a man could ever commit. I don't think that's tru...
TOMMY TRAN
I was ready to commit suicide. Then the next thing I know, I'm dancing on the table.
FLOYD REESE
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thoug...
E.B. (ELWYN BROOKS) WHITE
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
He could have done it as a last act of defiance towards us. Perhaps he did commit suicide.
CARLA PONTE
Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he ne...
ARTIE LANGE
When Maimonides says that the Messiah will come but that 'he may tarry,' we see the origin of every ...
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It wasn't until '94 when I tried to commit suicide that I realized that it wasn't about the money.
VANILLA ICE
Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so y...
LARRY DAVID
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same t...
RADHA MITCHELL
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's a...
DAVID LETTERMAN
When you're in an extreme situation you tend to avoid facing it by getting caught up in little detai...
RYū MURAKAMI
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
I'm such a big fan of Woody Allen. I once tried staying at the same hotel as him, hoping I would...
DEEPIKA PADUKONE
After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER
It looked like a very solid case. You had a woman who tried to commit suicide with her kids. There w...
BRUCE BARTLETT
Nothing in my life has ever made me want to commit suicide more than people's reaction to my trying ...
EMILIE AUTUMN
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It wasn't until '94 when I tried to commit suicide that I realized that it wasn't about ...
VANILLA ICE
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do?
TERRY PRATCHETT
Relaxing, experiencing nature and laughing are what rejuvenate me and make me feel happy. I believe ...
SUI HE
Since raised blood pressure is the major cause of stroke, the blood pressure lowering effect of pota...
FENG HE
As a young child, I suffered from poor health. My parents encouraged me to swim, which really improv...
SUI HE
I like to find old things
and I picked up that arrowhead
in tears, that broken point
...
LI HE
These findings provide strong support for the recommendations encouraging the public to consume more...
FENG HE
The average fruit and vegetable intake in most developed countries is about three servings per day, ...
FENG HE
They are the Chinese heroes. I am happy for their performance and the result is not the most importa...
HE ZHENLIANG
This will be conducive to the development of Sino-US relations and China's relationships with the re...
HE YAFEI
The best way to resolve Sino-US trade imbalance is to expand bilateral trade cooperation. Restrictin...
HE YAFEI
They are sorry there is no more Soviet Union and they don't know how to act.
HE YAFEI
We are willing to import more U.S. goods.
HE YAFEI
Even when he's making dumplings with peasants, he speaks memorized words and sounds like a People's ...
HE WEIFANG
This is a critical moment. There is a lot of opposition to continuing the reforms as they are today.
HE WEIFANG
I unequivocally state the wish that the Communist Party should become two parties.
HE WEIFANG
The situation exists in almost every well-known Chinese university.
HE WEIFANG
The government really wants to slow down investment, but it can't control local governments who have...
HE FAN
The new managed floating currency regime is just an interim system. There is a chance of a further w...
HE FAN
Eventually, we found that the situation there was more serious than what we imagined.
HE CHANGCHUI
Part of our mission is to find out what kind of assistance is required.
HE CHANGCHUI
Love will commit, or love will commit suicide.
ANTHONY LICCIONE
[For an actor who was then living in New York, Daniels said, working on a Woody Allen movie was some...
JEFF DANIELS
Not many artists commit suicide by leaping off the pinnacle of success.
BEN OKRI
Not many artists commit suicide by leaping off the pinnacle of success.
RABBI HILLEL
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY
But in this case, he had my cell phone and my phone was ringing and I had just come back from Austra...
RADHA MITCHELL
To write poetry and to commit suicide, apparently so contradictory, had really been the same, attemp...
JOHN FOWLES
Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL
I was at Yale from 1953 to 1957, and I tried to commit suicide in my freshman year because I was gay...
LARRY KRAMER
Suicide thought is a negative force that needs to be overcome with a positive force,positive thinkin...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Suicide is an option for the unwise,but for the wise suicide has got no room to be given an option.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Suicide is never the solution to life's problems but hope.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
When the mind is filled with positivity the thoughts of suicide becomes virtually non existing.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Why commit technological suicide by restricting the flow of talent into the United States?
MICHIO KAKU
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
They tried to get me - I got them first! (suicide by drinking Lysol).
VACHEL LINDSAY
He was offered scholarships by Colgate and Niagara, but he wants to be an engineer, so he picked us.
WAYNE WILSON
When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laug...
MARILYN MONROE
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
Woody was great, ... He did a terrific job. He was getting up there in pitches. He had good command,...
BRUCE BOCHY
Seeing eye to an eye is a must, especially when there lies a case, or an intent, to meet; even by in...
PRIYAVRAT THAREJA
He told me that if I hung up, he'd do it. He would commit suicide. He told me that if I called the c...
SIERRA D. WATERS
We are the books we read and the things we love.
CATH CROWLEY
You should give up sarcasm. People could get the wrong idea about you.
MICHAEL PRYOR
I know exactly who I am, what I'm about and who I will become.
EMMA PAUL
It is better to grope in the dark and wade through a million errors to reach the Truth than to entru...
SUDHIR KAKAR
If you argue with a fool, you become a fool.
L.A. HILDEN
Everyday is another chance to do something great.
EMMA PAUL
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm!
COLETTE
there are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely ...
OSCAR WILDE
I think you can tell when you meet someone whether they read novels. There's some hollowness if they...
PHILIP HENSHER
Always be true to your friends, just as you are to yourself.
MEG CABOT
I have this feeling, like I'm waiting for something. But I have no idea what.
JENNIFER NIVEN
2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't.
JASPER FFORDE
If you were going to commit suicide you wouldn't do it like this, it was a complete accident,
BRIAN HARVEY
So I sit there kicked my heels, thinking about New Orleans, and watching a morbid blue-bottle fly at...
THOMAS BAILEY ALDRICH
He did admit that at one point he was contemplating suicide.
DOUG TOBIN
He was always a great listener. He absorbed any wisdom you tried to pass on. I could tell he was goi...
ROLAND HEMOND
Does he love you so much?" "He would commit murder for me.
GASTON LEROUX
So smoking is the perfect way to commit suicide without actually dying. I smoke because it's bad, it...
DAMIEN HIRST
If Milosevic is to be tried, he has to be tried by a proper court, an impartial, properly constitute...
HAROLD PINTER
Jeff Bodine was saying that when he gets depressed, that he cleans house.
TANYA TUCKER
Startups don't just die, they commit suicide
TAKUDZWA RAZEMBA
It seems like (Allen) wasn't feeling safe enough in the class, so he had to record it.
MARILYN HARRIS
What is ironic is that Allen Ginsberg's importance was in its twilight for so many years that it...
RITA DOVE
The object was to get to (Allen) early and he kind of got rattled a little bit.
JAMES COTTON

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN
A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN
Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN
The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN
These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN
We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN
You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
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This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN
The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN
We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN