If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've ...
RED SKELTON I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
RED SKELTON Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. ...
RED SKELTON If I may I would like to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and give you a definition for each word. RED SKELTON One of the standing jokes of Congress is that the new Congressman always spends the first week wonde...
RED SKELTON All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
RED SKELTON Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
RED SKELTON Congress: Bingo with billions.
RED SKELTON Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
RED SKELTON I don't want to be called 'the greatest' or 'one of the greatest'; let other guys claim to be the be...
RED SKELTON Congress: Bingo with billions
RED SKELTON Exercise? I get in on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
RED SKELTON I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can...
RED SKELTON No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
RED SKELTON God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.
RED SKELTON Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness...
RED SKELTON I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
RED SKELTON A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I ...
RED SKELTON It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it
RED SKELTON During the 2000 election, the current administration told our military, help is on the way. That is ...
IKE SKELTON Guard units in the U.S. are suffering severe equipment shortages which will affect their ability to ...
IKE SKELTON That the Iraqi Government is considering a political deal granting amnesty to insurgents who have at...
IKE SKELTON The insurgents are Baathists and Sunnis in Iraq who have as their goal a separate and distinct one o...
IKE SKELTON Better treatment and detection methods have also improved the survival rate for people with cancer, ...
IKE SKELTON Congress must make it clear that common animal waste will not expose farmers to liability under Supe...
IKE SKELTON Farmers in Missouri and across the country must comply with a variety of federal, state, and local r...
IKE SKELTON The Government of Iraq also owes a debt to the American and coalition forces who are fighting the in...
IKE SKELTON We have global interests, potential threats from elsewhere, North Korea, Iran, Taiwan Straits and th...
IKE SKELTON In fact, because of their connection to the land, farmers do more to protect and preserve our enviro...
IKE SKELTON Today nearly every combat brigade located within the United States would report that they are not re...
IKE SKELTON That byrd ys nat honest That fylythe hys owne nest.
JOHN SKELTON Modern medical advances have helped millions of people live longer, healthier lives. We owe these im...
IKE SKELTON In addition to relieving patient suffering, research is needed to help reduce the enormous economic ...
IKE SKELTON The number of attacks on the American and allied forces is at the highest level since the insurgency...
IKE SKELTON It is vital that Iraq and the United States together send the clearest possible signal that those wh...
IKE SKELTON Against East Central, we had to come from behind and it took a lot out of us. The last two games we ...
BUBBA SKELTON Everybody on the team saw their role change in some way. Everybody accepted their role and made the ...
BUBBA SKELTON We're a pressing-style team and it really changed the way we played. We started playing more zone an...
BUBBA SKELTON Any time you get an opportunity to play in the national tournament it's special. This is something y...
BUBBA SKELTON After that loss in our gym, some doubt did creep in my mind if we could win another one or not. But ...
BUBBA SKELTON I say, thou mad March hare.
JOHN SKELTON It's been a long ride ... to get us to this point in the base-closure process. This journey has been...
IKE SKELTON Every version of it still has the lovers, outraged parents and fairies.
CHARLIE SKELTON The shows themselves will provide perpetual funding for the scholarships.
CHARLIE SKELTON He was very, very talented. In the beginning, he is a little obnoxious, but he learns humanity near ...
CHARLIE SKELTON It exceeded all our expectations.
CHARLIE SKELTON The story is timeless and can be done in any era.
CHARLIE SKELTON We're trying to get everyone to walk around town. That's one of the ideas behind the festival - see ...
CHARLIE SKELTON This is our gift to the community.
CHARLIE SKELTON This is going to be a great show. We have kids from every school in the county.
CHARLIE SKELTON We want everyone of every age to see everything.
CHARLIE SKELTON We're having more and more people getting in on this.
CHARLIE SKELTON We need an immediate supplemental appropriation right now -- for seamen hours, flying hours, trainin...
IKE SKELTON This effort will clearly increase the overall burden on our military, ... The Defense Department's c...
IKE SKELTON For each 1 percent pay raise it is about a $600 million, so a billion dollars won't cut the mustard.
IKE SKELTON All of these are necessary right now. Otherwise, much of the efforts of the military will be shut do...
IKE SKELTON the Balkans are a tinder box ... World War I started there ... there's a great deal at stake -- the ...
IKE SKELTON I have no history but the length of my bones
ROBIN SKELTON I have no history but the length of my bones.
ROBIN SKELTON The goal of NIH research is to acquire new knowledge to help prevent, detect, diagnose, and treat di...
IKE SKELTON Meaningful oversight must include proper scrutiny of all U.S. detention facilities, whether those fa...
IKE SKELTON For each 1 percent pay raise, is about $600 million -- so $1 billion just won't cut the mustard.
IKE SKELTON We felt like our guard play was better than theirs and I think we got them tired.
GINA SKELTON We haven't talked to the girls yet about tying (the series), but we will first thing this morning.
GINA SKELTON And they weren't allowed to take those pictures down until we won South State.
GINA SKELTON That loss woke us up. We had a sign in our locker room that said, 'Fear none, respect all' that the ...
GINA SKELTON It is well deserving for this group. Even though we didn't talk about the No. 1 ranking, it's always...
GINA SKELTON To win it, you have to be good, and you have to be lucky too. We really needed to be tested like we ...
GINA SKELTON That was a little spin. I don't know if Lyn knew that, but he did a bang-up job that night.
GEORGE SKELTON More than most flacks, he understood the press. He wasn't fearful or intimidated by them. He knew yo...
GEORGE SKELTON We need to succeed in Iraq. If we don't, we will create a snake pit ... of terrorists.
IKE SKELTON We have very, very fine air traffic controllers, men and women. They do their job, they do a fine jo...
IKE SKELTON We need an immediate supplemental appropriation -- right now,
IKE SKELTON The MOAC should be happy with 11 champions.
MIKE SKELTON Running like a bunny with his tail on fire.
RED BARBER I like to get where the cabbage is cooking and catch the scents.
RED SMITH The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology.
RED AUERBACH To a father, when a child dies, the future dies; to a child when a parent dies, the past dies.
RED AUERBACH When I'm talking to a large audience, I imagine that I'm talking to a single person.
RED BARBER The best way to forget ones self is to look at the world with attention and love.
RED AUERBACH He who believes in nobody knows that he himself is not to be trusted.
RED AUERBACH If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.
RED BUTTONS Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing.
RED SANDERS Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while fo...
RED AUERBACH Last night I had a revelationSomehow I have to make you payIt's all about manipulationAnd what it ta...
RED DELICIOUS Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while f...
RED AUERBACH You whites make all the ammunition.
RED CLOUD If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur...
RED ADAIR An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise.
RED AUERBACH We do not want riches, we want peace and love.
RED CLOUD I am poor and naked, but I am the chief of the nation. We do not want riches but we do want to train...
RED CLOUD I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.
RED BUTTONS I don't like to compare clubs or players from way back. It's different today. Your ballparks...
RED SCHOENDIENST When I was in baseball and you went into the clubhouse, you didn't see ball players with curling...
RED BARBER Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to ...
RED BUTTONS When there were just eight teams in each of the big leagues, I was always told, 'It's hard t...
RED SCHOENDIENST Throughout my years, I've had the pleasure of assembling and training what I believe to be the b...
RED ADAIR This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all.
RED BARBER The white man has got the gold out of the land which belonged to the red man.
RED CLOUD When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he...
RED BUTTONS They made us many promises, more than I can remember, but they kept only one; they promised to take ...
RED CLOUD Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
RED AUERBACH Winning isn't everything, but losing is nothing.
RED SYMONS Phil is obviously a good coach. You don't win that many games without being a damn good coach, ... R...
RED AUERBACH That's something I don't want to get into. I'm here. That's what counts.
RED AUERBACH Most of your great coaches do some teaching and developing of players. Phil may be able to do it, bu...
RED AUERBACH The commercial class has always mistrusted verbal brilliancy and wit, deeming such qualities, perhap...
RED AUERBACH Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study.
RED AUERBACH Just do what you do best.
RED AUERBACH The only football players in my time were fellows who really loved to play football. They were not i...
RED GRANGE I've done made a deal with the devil. He said he's going to give me an air-conditioned place...
RED ADAIR He had splendid conformation-broad shoulders, white hair and erect carriage-and was beautifully turn...
RED SMITH It was an ideal day for football - too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players
RED SMITH I managed Dal Maxvill, and he's now our general manager. I managed Bob Gibson. He's a broadc...
RED SCHOENDIENST Every football player knows when his time is up.
RED GRANGE The good Lord put oil and gas there for us to find and use, and we'd better do it.
RED ADAIR Last night I had a revelation
Somehow I have to make you pay
It's all about manipulation
RED DELICIOUS When I'm talking to a large audience, I imagine that I'm talking to a single person.
RED BARBER It's a strange feeling. He has some of my mannerisms. He's a super guy. The red hair looks good. He ...
RED DAWSON Dance above the surface of the world. Let your thoughts lift you into creativity that is not hampere...
RED HAIRCROW He is not a candidate. Never has been and won't be. I'm very close to Mack Brown. I have continuous ...
RED MCCOMBS I've had many writing heroes, writers who have influenced me. ...When I was very young as a sportswr...
RED SMITH Look at him and you'd think he's 16. Talk to him and you think he's 26. Talk baseball with him, and ...
RED SMITH My best girl is dead.
RED SMITH The Great Spirit will not make me suffer because I am ignorant. He will put me in a place where I sh...
RED CLOUD Whenever you have a tight situation and there's a close pitch, the umpire gets a squawk no matter ho...
RED BARBER We do not want riches, we want peace and love
RED CLOUD Getting the goodness of light-skinned society ... Learn to live among them, learn their education, t...
RED CLOUD It scares you: all the noise, the rattling, the shaking. But the look on everybody's face when you'r...
RED ADAIR I've done made a deal with the devil. He said he's going to give me an air-conditioned place when I ...
RED ADAIR Retire? I don't know what that word means. As long as a man is able to work and he's productive out ...
RED ADAIR I've got too many of my friends that retired and went home and got on a rocking chair, and about a y...
RED ADAIR If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur.
RED ADAIR The natural habitat of the tongue is the left cheek.
RED SMITH You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the great game, or else you won't ...
RED BARBER Plan your trips to conserve fuel. Do not fill up your gas tank unless needed. Lower your top speed b...
RED CAVANEY From the time I was a kid, I was always interested in any and all kinds of new business ideas.
RED MCCOMBS When I was in baseball and you went into the clubhouse, you didn't see ball players with curling iro...
RED BARBER It all depends on what the market is, ... When I owned the Spurs, I brought in Larry Brown and paid ...
RED MCCOMBS Every word I write is like a drop of my blood. If it's flowed passionately and long, I need time to ...
RED HAIRCROW I think we need a game, ... We need some hitting and some competition.
RED WINGS We're going to have to learn the rules and how to play,
RED WINGS They are going to call that. I think it's more important than ever that you play strong positionally...
RED WINGS Playing in two-on-twos in the corner, you can't pin a guy and hold him to the boards,
RED WINGS It really slowed things down. Teams were successful playing that way, but it didn't lead to exciting...
RED WINGS Let's hope we don't hear that word 'trap' anymore,
RED WINGS When Mark gets going, ... it's impossible to stop that man.
RED WINGS You never know, ... We just have to win.
RED WINGS A sign read "Free drinks for billiards competitors only." Hand-lettered below read "All others will ...
RED TASH He'd always come in and give us hugs and kisses. He liked being a clown.
RED WILSON daddy,s little girl
RED SOVINE Ha ha ha! She's another one of those 16-year-old actresses, and she's making an album. Like, NO!
RED WINGS jovial and in good spirits.
RED WINGS Baseball is dull only to dull minds.
RED BARBER It's so cold today even the brass monkeys have stayed home!
RED BARBER They made us many promises, more than I can remember, but they never kept but one; they promised to ...
RED CLOUD I welcome questions. I hate assumptions.
RED HAIRCROW You don't have to disrespect and insult others simply to hold your own ground. If you do, that shows...
RED HAIRCROW If you look broadly across the United States -- with the exception of those Midwest markets -- the i...
RED CAVANEY Time and again our industry has been cleared of any wrongdoing in these matters, and we are confiden...
RED CAVANEY A waiver right now would be counterproductive for the consumer over time,
RED CAVANEY If Lady Luck smiles on us there won't be a third hurricane, ... Probably no one is more sensitive to...
RED CAVANEY ... need pay little attention to the oil and gas sector because we're highly profitable, can fend fo...
RED CAVANEY The market is working. The prices are falling.
RED CAVANEY What we are trying to say is, tell us what you want, not how to make it happen, ... and at the end o...
RED CAVANEY It is becoming increasingly evident that the impact of this storm on oil and natural gas operations ...
RED CAVANEY I don't predict prices, but I think it will definitely be a downward trend.
RED CAVANEY What happens when we don't have a year like this one?
RED CAVANEY I've got too many of my friends that retired and went home and got on a rocking chair, and about...
RED ADAIR It scares you: all the noise, the rattling, the shaking. But the look on everybody's face when y...
RED ADAIR I continue to be surprised by judgmental native stereotypes and apathy, but if I wasn't that would m...
RED HAIRCROW I've put in 63 years now in the big leagues as a player, coach, manager. And now just being arou...
RED SCHOENDIENST [The American Petroleum Institute] and its members condemn price gouging.
RED CAVANEY It was a crypt where music played to masses of the dead, and McJagger was their desolate pharaoh, a ...
RED TASH It's unfortunate that it took these circumstance to get these games over here, but it will show San ...
RED MCCOMBS Weird is my personality, Complicated are my words and Mystery I am but those what gets you to like m...
RED DELACHINA I've got cut half in two, once, and blowed up a time or two, but nothing permanent.
RED ADAIR With bombs and fires, you get only one mistake.
RED ADAIR Retire? I don't know what that word means. As long as a man is able to work and he's product...
RED ADAIR Never fear a job, always respect it, and always leave yourself a hind door to escape. May your hind ...
RED ADAIR In a world where nothing exists by itself, where every division of one thing from another is a mispe...
RED PINE I envisioned him tied in a chair, an iron arrow pointed at his brow. Ah, the power of positive think...
RED TASH There were lots of things in this lifetime that I'd doubted, precious little I'd known for sure. But...
RED TASH A professional player is smarter than a college man. He uses his noodle. He knows what to do and whe...
RED GRANGE Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
RED BUTTONS I really like the way our team dug down and played hard and gave ourselves a chance.
RED BERENSON It's a pity that things weren't arranged so that an empty head, like an empty stomach, would not le...
RED GRAY If they do the movie with as much quality as they're proving to me, they're going to do a great job.
RED DAWSON and at that time we'll sit down and discuss whether or not Mike wants to work out an extension. If h...
RED MCCOMBS We were disappointed he didn't want to come here but we know he has a house in Toronto.
RED WINGS His quarterbacks could pick apart a defense because he taught them to throw precisely.
RED WILSON We speculate that some, if not most, of these acts of mischief may relate to a non-sanctioned grad r...
SGT. PAUL SKELTON North Shore Rescue felt that that was probably the location the person would be found in based on th...
SGT. PAUL SKELTON It's too early in the investigation to speculate how much of this mischief was caused by those assoc...
SGT. PAUL SKELTON And I never felt more alive, until I spread my wings and flew away. Flew away with the ravens. It wa...
THE RED RAVEN Well, I can't hang around here all day, I have to go out and take the penguin for a walk.
KRYTEN - RED DWARF Lermontov: Why do you want to dance?
Vicky: Why do you want to live?
Lermontov: Well, I do...
THE RED SHOES They see in the population’s hostility towards the left only the hostility towards the left, not t...
RED ARMY FACTION Following this logic, to bomb BASF in Ludwigshafen would be to mock the people who bombed BASF in Br...
RED ARMY FACTION They see in the political apathy of the proletariat only the apathy, not the protest against a syste...
RED ARMY FACTION