Jasper Fforde quote: "Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath."

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of d...
JASPER FFORDE

Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.
JASPER FFORDE

He was, after all, the ultimate rebel -- it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus.
JASPER FFORDE

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anythi...
JASPER FFORDE

Class clowns become actors.
JASPER FFORDE

She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderl...
JASPER FFORDE

If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no g...
JASPER FFORDE

I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acc...
JASPER FFORDE

Tangling with the Goliath Corporation generally left you in one of two places: inside a wooden box w...
JASPER FFORDE

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so fort...
JASPER FFORDE

Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isn"t what it used to be?
JASPER FFORDE

Yes, and imagine a world where there were no hypothetical situations.
JASPER FFORDE

На самом деле я подумывал написать самоучитель для фан...
JASPER FFORDE

She was the sort of parent you would want to have living close by, but only on the grounds that she ...
JASPER FFORDE

We have it on good authority that they might disguise it as a double entendre in a bedroom farce and...
JASPER FFORDE

Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a...
JASPER FFORDE

Sometimes living in the BookWorld is like living in Legoland.
JASPER FFORDE

extraordinary; I could almost see the Cambrian Mountains
JASPER FFORDE

You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have," I said through my sobs. "I...
JASPER FFORDE

Keep people reading books, Mum; it helps to reinforce and strengthen the indefinable moments that an...
JASPER FFORDE

Thursday, you mean everything to me. Not just because you're cute, smart, funny and have a de...
JASPER FFORDE

Strive for the Long Now
JASPER FFORDE

If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out.

And the jour...
JASPER FFORDE

If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now.
JASPER FFORDE

Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could loo...
JASPER FFORDE

There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve representation as much as the next man.
JASPER FFORDE

Reading, I had learned, was as creative a process as writing, sometimes more so. When we read of the...
JASPER FFORDE

It's simple. If you go to see 'Saturday Night Fever' expecting it to be good, it's a corker. However...
JASPER FFORDE

Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly pa...
JASPER FFORDE

Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment--the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to wa...
JASPER FFORDE

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
JASPER FFORDE

Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought...
JASPER FFORDE

So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It'...
JASPER FFORDE

I work very much on the principle that anything created by mankind has mischief and error hardwired ...
JASPER FFORDE

Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagin...
JASPER FFORDE

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day y...
JASPER FFORDE

There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft withou...
JASPER FFORDE

If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption.
JASPER FFORDE

[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]

At the end of the first round, I wil...
JASPER FFORDE

Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you wor...
JASPER FFORDE

Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex i...
JASPER FFORDE

Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
JASPER FFORDE

For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.
JASPER FFORDE

I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter sub...
JASPER FFORDE

Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.
JASPER FFORDE

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
JASPER FFORDE

Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had t...
JASPER FFORDE

After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the re...
JASPER FFORDE

I'm not sure my books would translate into movies very easily. So rather than have someone do a ...
JASPER FFORDE

I'm not of the opinion that the next logical step for a book is for it to be made into a film.
JASPER FFORDE

Every book should have a romance.
JASPER FFORDE

There is a contract between the reader and the writer. The readers give me their hard-earned cash, a...
JASPER FFORDE

There is a certain degree of 'steampunkishness' that creeps into my books.
JASPER FFORDE

When you're an author, you're always two people. Jasper the writer is different from Jasper ...
JASPER FFORDE

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody ass...
JASPER FFORDE

When I was about 10 or 11, I realised that people made movies; until then, I had thought they just h...
JASPER FFORDE

If you give children the freedom to do very little, quite a lot will do very little.
JASPER FFORDE

The fun one can have writing books about books is limitless, to be honest.
JASPER FFORDE

Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing.
JASPER FFORDE

It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.
JASPER FFORDE

I just write books, and I do it without any notion of what I should do or shouldn't do.
JASPER FFORDE

I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live.
JASPER FFORDE

Speak to any editor and ask them what they turned down, and they'll have long lists of books.
JASPER FFORDE

I started writing because I wanted to write scripts, but I wasn't very good at it. Then I starte...
JASPER FFORDE

Our notions of self-determination are, on the whole, something of a myth. We are governed almost exc...
JASPER FFORDE

In the creative industries, there are few things more exciting than a zinger - a thought, idea, line...
JASPER FFORDE

My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to...
JASPER FFORDE

People who read my books have an open mind when it comes to new, bizarre, interesting and exciting i...
JASPER FFORDE

Perhaps fantasy offers imaginative escapism more than other genres.
JASPER FFORDE

I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair ce...
JASPER FFORDE

The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp...
JASPER FFORDE

I have a very varied taste in music. Everything from rap to classical to Latino to Rat Pack to jazz.
JASPER FFORDE

…Negligible Senescence…
JASPER FFORDE

Another one of your quippy japes?
JASPER FFORDE

Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.
JASPER FFORDE

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.
JASPER FFORDE

The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless...
JASPER FFORDE

There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly vola...
JASPER FFORDE

To each our own Hamlet.
JASPER FFORDE

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!
JASPER FFORDE

The best lies to tell," said Jane, "are the ones people want to believe.
JASPER FFORDE

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?'
'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I w...
JASPER FFORDE

The best plans are always the simplest.
JASPER FFORDE

After all, color in itself has no color — it's simply a construction of the mind: a sensation, lik...
JASPER FFORDE

But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mi...
JASPER FFORDE

There is no problem on earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.
JASPER FFORDE

Her areas of expertise are bar codes, book titles and maps - she has an original Parker Brothers map...
JASPER FFORDE

2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't.
JASPER FFORDE

Unless the hole is MEANT to be square,' I said with a sudden erudition that surprised me, 'in which ...
JASPER FFORDE

Because there's someone else here in East Carmin. Someone hopelessly unsuitable. It's all a really b...
JASPER FFORDE

2.3.06.02.087: Unnecessary sharpening of pencils constitutes a waste of public resources, and will b...
JASPER FFORDE

He set fire to some potatoes, then cooked some undelivered post in the embers." - Dad
"Did he n...
JASPER FFORDE

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.
JASPER FFORDE

Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotte...
JASPER FFORDE

I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small s...
JASPER FFORDE

Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point.
JASPER FFORDE

A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.
JASPER FFORDE

I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt...
JASPER FFORDE

Defiance through compliance.
JASPER FFORDE

The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the...
JASPER FFORDE

Were you listening to a word I said '
'I kind of switched off when you drew breath.
JASPER FFORDE

If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hu...
JASPER FFORDE

You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blight...
JASPER FFORDE

Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon.
JASPER FFORDE

You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposit...
JASPER FFORDE

the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe
JASPER FFORDE

The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the...
JASPER FFORDE

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary require...
JASPER FFORDE

I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallio...
JASPER FFORDE

Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lea...
JASPER FFORDE

I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the Pr...
JASPER FFORDE

Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's ...
JASPER FFORDE

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.
JASPER FFORDE

If you expect me to believe that a lawyer wrote A Midsummer Night's Dream, I must be dafter t...
JASPER FFORDE

They turned their attention to the wardrobe that held several Armani suits, all of them individually...
JASPER FFORDE

Father liked word games. He was fourteen times world Scrabble champion. When he died, we buried him ...
JASPER FFORDE

Businessman, philanthropist, large egg.
JASPER FFORDE

So you could value your own life," replied the Titan. "Before that you were under the gods' thumbs, ...
JASPER FFORDE

She opened the door within two seconds of his pressing the doorbell, letting out a stream of cats th...
JASPER FFORDE

This must have been how it all began with Chymes,” sighed Jack. “A small
omission on one ca...
JASPER FFORDE

ALBINOS DEMAND ACTION ON MOVIE SLUR The albino community demanded action yesterday to stop their unf...
JASPER FFORDE

If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play ‘Jerusalem’ on the ...
JASPER FFORDE

Think of this: If it weren’t for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no w...
JASPER FFORDE

I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg.
JASPER FFORDE

You speak baby gibberish?' asked Jack.
'Fluently. The adult-education center ran a course, and ...
JASPER FFORDE

Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way.
JASPER FFORDE

How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towar...
JASPER FFORDE

Mr. Pewter led them through to a library, filled with thousands of
antiquarian books.
'Imp...
JASPER FFORDE

Do I have to talk to insane people?"
"You're a librarian now. I'm afraid it's mandatory.
JASPER FFORDE

The front room of his house was what I called 'untidy chic'. Prefects weren't subject to the same Ru...
JASPER FFORDE

So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?
JASPER FFORDE

Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may b...
JASPER FFORDE

Are you okay?" asked Finisterre.
"Annoyed," I said, giving him my hand so he could heave me to ...
JASPER FFORDE

True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good--and we all know how rare that is...
JASPER FFORDE

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the li...
JASPER CARROTT

I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Soli...
JASPER CARROTT

I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfactio...
JASPER CARROTT

If I were to ask you who the first million-pound show winner was on British TV, you'd probably g...
JASPER CARROTT

I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any art in South Carolina. There was a minor m...
JASPER JOHNS

There was very little art in my childhood. I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any...
JASPER JOHNS

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chas...
JASPER CARROTT

When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme ca...
JASPER CARROTT

At first I had some idea that the absence of color made the work more physical. Early on I was very ...
JASPER JOHNS

After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You...
JASPER CARROTT

[To survive has required tenacity. Koreans are reported even to have murdered children and mixed the...
JASPER BECKER

When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but t...
JASPER CARROTT

My experience of life is that it's very fragmented; certain kinds of things happen, and in anoth...
JASPER JOHNS

Intention involves such a small fragment of our consciousness and of our mind and of our life.
JASPER JOHNS

My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That&#...
JASPER CARROTT

Touring has been a major part of my career. I've done a lot of huge shows, including a 13-night ...
JASPER CARROTT

I have no ideas about what the paintings imply about the world. I don't think that's a paint...
JASPER JOHNS

Everyone is of course free to interpret the work in his own way. I think seeing a picture is one thi...
JASPER JOHNS

The only logical thing I can think of is that I knew there were such things as artists, and I knew t...
JASPER JOHNS

When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jok...
JASPER CARROTT

I decided that if my work contained what I could identify as a likeness to other work, I would remov...
JASPER JOHNS

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your d...
JASPER CARROTT

Instead we were filling the newspaper with bland, harmless stories, and if there was anything sensit...
JASPER BECKER

The internet is a perfect example of a beautiful mess.
JASPER HARTSUIJKER

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute M...
JASPER CARROTT

I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newsp...
JASPER CARROTT

It's kind of like the old Barry Sanders Rule. The first person to him wouldn't take a shot at him. F...
ED JASPER

Am i on some distant battle field you say? No, I am but in my own mind and dreams replaying the batt...
JASPER WILKERSON

Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles.
JASPER CARROTT

I tend to like things that already exist.
JASPER JOHNS

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested inte...
JASPER CARROTT

When you're playing every snap, the problem is you can't give 110 percent on every play.
ED JASPER

I spent last year with [former Eagles defensive end Derrick] Burgess in Oakland, and he misses this ...
ED JASPER

We need people. We got money. We don't have people.
ED JASPER

[Gosh can one guy, I mean, only one, change a team so completely? Evidently he can. Yeah, I could qu...
ED JASPER

That's one of the main reasons he deserves this (Pro Bowl). Teams are having to change their blockin...
ED JASPER

Because it's easy to play defense like this. It's harder when the other team has 10 minutes more of ...
ED JASPER

He's a backside runner. If he catches you running to the ball, he'll make you pay for it. Him making...
ED JASPER

I bull-rushed the guy. He tackled me. The ref threw the flag, late. So I'm thinking he's calling hol...
ED JASPER

It's a shame the way that game turned out because Tommy deserves more recognition than he's going to...
ED JASPER

My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the ...
JASPER CARROTT

As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artists sense within their own work ...
JASPER JOHNS

My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better.
ELLE JASPER

To do a drawing for a painting most often means doing something very sketchy and schematic and then ...
JASPER JOHNS

Mine,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed me again. “You are mine.”
In the ...
ELLE JASPER

If Nelson keeps working at things and keeps believing in himself, he can go a long way.
JASPER WILLIAMS

That's the only negative about this. These kids have been working hard all year for a win like this....
JASPER WILLIAMS

This was a big win for us. We stepped up and played with a lot of energy tonight. We made some turno...
JASPER WILLIAMS

The biggest thing is that we out rebounded them. We did a pretty good job on the boards. We pressure...
JASPER WILLIAMS

I was just listening to my coach. He told me to quit thinking about my shot and just shoot it n let ...
JASPER WILLIAMS

We didn't execute down the stretch. We didn't rebound during key possessions and that cost us the ga...
JASPER WILLIAMS

This is definitely a step for Yahoo, and a step for the industry.
JASPER MALCOLMSON

Industry-best prices will actually show up in Yahoo search results. We have created a search engine ...
JASPER MALCOLMSON

I had a good year, but those guys had good years, too. It could have gone to any of us. I know it wa...
JASPER JOHNSON

We're trying to do something that no other team at the school has done. We have a nice run going. We...
JASPER JOHNSON

I have no reason to feel bitter or think about anything in the past. This is the best place I can be...
JASPER JOHNSON

I felt comfortable around the guys. I felt it would be a good place for me. ... I respect Coach Rive...
JASPER JOHNSON

The competition is better than I thought it'd be. And I'm glad of it. I just like to play, and when ...
JASPER JOHNSON

Ideas either come or they don't come.
JASPER JOHNS

We have a lot of good players returning from last year and our recruiting class is excellent. I will...
JASPER EDWARDS

I really admire Rickey Bustle because he kept us up when everybody's head was down. He came in and s...
JASPER EDWARDS

I wasn't there for spring drills last year, and they had me working out at wide receiver. During the...
JASPER EDWARDS

At football practices the coaches and the players are really into it. The coaches are very hands-on ...
JASPER EDWARDS

It's part of a pattern at the Post where they're gradually been getting rid of all the people who wr...
JASPER BECKER

It's been successfully cheating its way with its nuclear program for something like 20 years, so I t...
JASPER BECKER

[Details of that extravagance are drawn from Kim's former lackeys.] For all the immense privileges e...
JASPER BECKER

Jasper Fforde

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