I almost got a girl pregnant in high school. It's costing me a fortune to keep the rabbit on a life-support system.

Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.

The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

It is difficult to find a courteous person today who isn't trying to sell you something

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.