I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.