Jack Handey quote: "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, What am I doing...
JACK HANDEY

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don'...
JACK HANDEY

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
JACK HANDEY

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize the...
JACK HANDEY

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each o...
JACK HANDEY

It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man and an ever bigger man t...
JACK HANDEY

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
JACK HANDEY

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just...
JACK HANDEY

THE POOR AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "POVERTY" IS FILTH TO THE RICH AND THE SUBJECT CALLED "RICHES", BUT ...
JACK HANDEY

The dream is happening right now. I'm here. That's all I wanted. It would be nice to get a medal of ...
JACK HANDEY

On the other hand, you have different fingers
JACK HANDEY

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize th...
JACK HANDEY

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how...
JACK HANDEY

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and...
JACK HANDEY

All I want is my own way in everything
JACK HANDEY

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
JACK HANDEY

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpki...
JACK HANDEY

Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation - from the writers of the world...
JACK HERER

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.
JACK WHITEHALL

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.
JACK NICHOLSON

The financial crisis is a stark reminder that transparency and disclosure are essential in today'...
JACK REED

The only two things you can truly depend upon are gravity and greed.
JACK PALANCE

Perfectionists are their own devils.
JACK KIRBY

Control your own destiny or someone else will.
JACK WELCH

I believe that people make their own luck by great preparation and good strategy.
JACK CANFIELD

If you pick the right people and give them the opportunity to spread their wings and put compensatio...
JACK WELCH

Mankind is like dogs, not gods - as long as you don't get mad they'll bite you - but stay ma...
JACK KEROUAC

If I have a weakness, it's probably ice cream. That's where I get lax, sloppy. I'll snea...
JACK NICKLAUS

It was only after the Grimms published two editions primarily for adults that they changed their att...
JACK ZIPES

Though the Grimms kept about 100 of the tales from the first edition, they changed them a good deal.
JACK ZIPES

In 1995, I founded a storytelling program for children called Neighborhood Bridges in collaboration ...
JACK ZIPES

I have a daughter, Hanna, and I never read fairy tales to her. But I did tell her bedtime tales and ...
JACK ZIPES

'Once Upon a Time', 'Mirror Mirror' - those shows and films focus on women and their...
JACK ZIPES

Fairy tales are with us day in and day out, not just in commercials, but references in the theater, ...
JACK ZIPES

The Grimm collections were never intended for children. Not because kids were excluded, but because ...
JACK ZIPES

Almost every single commercial on television for shampoo, sports shoes, drinks, food, clothes, perfu...
JACK ZIPES

What the Greeks and Romans considered myths, we consider fairy tales. We can see how very clearly th...
JACK ZIPES

Until I was diagnosed with mouth cancer, I'd never heard of it.
JACK WILD

I guess I'll go to my grave as the Dodger, but at least I've made my mark on show-business h...
JACK WILD

I'm thought of as a celebrity. Everything I've ever done... has been for children. As long a...
JACK WILD

I look at what I've gone through in my career and I really shouldn't be talking to you now. ...
JACK WILD

I'd definitely be up for 'EastEnders.' Just the same as I would if 'Coronation Stree...
JACK WILD

It's very hard not to let fame affect you because you are continually being told how good you ar...
JACK WILD

There is no buzz like performing for a live audience.
JACK WILD

At an age when most youngsters are preparing for their GCSEs, I was suddenly a jet-setter, briefly t...
JACK WILD

My lifestyle had made me a walking time bomb.
JACK WILD

I know who Jack Whittaker is. And some days I don't like who I am.
JACK WHITTAKER

It doesn't bother me because I can tell everyone to kiss off.
JACK WHITTAKER

If I had to do it all over, I'd be more secluded about it.
JACK WHITTAKER

I'd do the same things, but I'd be a little more quiet.
JACK WHITTAKER

I won the lottery. I don't care what it costs.
JACK WHITTAKER

I'm simply a businessman who has seen his share of failures and successes.
JACK WHITTAKER

Part of doing stand-up is to get things off your chest. It's a bit like being in a psychiatrist&...
JACK WHITEHALL

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.
JACK WHITEHALL

Once you start doing a lot, you don't ever want to stop working. It feels weird if you're no...
JACK WHITEHALL

My dad doesn't hug me enough!
JACK WHITEHALL

I'd like to scale back the television. I'm constantly told that I'm over-exposed, and I ...
JACK WHITEHALL

My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't suc...
JACK WHITEHALL

I'm very conscious of other people's opinions and of people not liking me.
JACK WHITEHALL

I've definitely become smuttier. When I first started out, I had these aspirations: 'I'm...
JACK WHITEHALL

I never know what defines you as being posh. I went to a posh school, definitely.
JACK WHITEHALL

There's a real sense of camaraderie with sitcoms.
JACK WHITEHALL

I eat healthily, as it keeps my energy up.
JACK WHITEHALL

Society is so divided in its perception of public school people. Most people who went to public scho...
JACK WHITEHALL

I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to ha...
JACK WHITEHALL

Live stand-up is my thing. I love being on stage and just messing around.
JACK WHITEHALL

When I was younger, I was insecure for about 10 years: I wore glasses, had a cow's lick, buck te...
JACK WHITEHALL

Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the sa...
JACK WHITEHALL

I acted at school but got very bad parts - things that they'd made up in Shakespeare plays like ...
JACK WHITEHALL

If I could look like anyone, it would be Jamie Redknapp - even up close, he's amazing.
JACK WHITEHALL

I wish I was a bit shorter, as I think shorter people have better walks. Freddie Fox, the actor, is ...
JACK WHITEHALL

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.
JACK WHITEHALL

When I'm on stage, I'm quite over the top - I'm quite flamboyant and camp.
JACK WHITEHALL

I'm not actually posh; I'm really rough and from the wrong side of the tracks. I grew up in ...
JACK WHITEHALL

I like to think I'm a bit smarter than I sometimes let on.
JACK WHITEHALL

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.
JACK WHITEHALL

If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes ...
JACK WHITEHALL

Playing drums feels like coming home for me. Even during the White Stripes I thought: 'I'll ...
JACK WHITE

A lot of people in the media, and some everyday people, really aren't in search of the truth. Th...
JACK WHITE

I just think old old movies, they make you concentrate and pay attention so much more. They feel so ...
JACK WHITE

I've always felt it's ridiculous to say, of any of the females in my life: You're my fri...
JACK WHITE

There's Catholic guilt about things, then there's the guilt of being the youngest of 10, so ...
JACK WHITE

If you have twenty guys in the room and you just bring in one girl, you change the entire mood and e...
JACK WHITE

We have a secret project at Third Man where we want to have the first vinyl record played in outer s...
JACK WHITE

I would never purposely sing a song about someone I love, I wouldn't want to embarrass them. But...
JACK WHITE

I think that sometimes love gets in the way of itself - you know, love interrupts itself. We want th...
JACK WHITE

I think the sensitivity that you need to create certain things sometimes would spill over into thing...
JACK WHITE

I consider music to be storytelling, melody and rhythm. A lot of hip-hop has broken music down. Ther...
JACK WHITE

Nowadays, everybody assumes, when they wake up in the morning, if they have a question, it will get ...
JACK WHITE

I'd make a White Stripes record right now. I'd be in the White Stripes for the rest of my li...
JACK WHITE

I was in a Montessori school. There was a drum circle with all the kids passing around a little bong...
JACK WHITE

With the White Stripes we were trying to trick people into not realising we were playing the blues. ...
JACK WHITE

When you put something out there into the world, there's all these words you don't want to h...
JACK WHITE

I want to be part of the resurgence of things that are tangible, beautiful and soulful, rather than ...
JACK WHITE

I dabbled in things like Howlin' Wolf, Cream and Led Zeppelin, but when I heard Son House and Ro...
JACK WHITE

There aren't that many things left that haven't already been done, especially with music. I&...
JACK WHITE

I really don't like to take the easy way out, if I can help it, on anything I do, I like to real...
JACK WHITE

One of the jobs of a manager is to instill confidence, pump confidence into your people. And when yo...
JACK WELCH

Public hangings are teaching moments. Every company has to do it. A teaching moment is worth a thous...
JACK WELCH

Strong managers who make tough decisions to cut jobs provide the only true job security in today'...
JACK WELCH

Don't manage - lead change before you have to.
JACK WELCH

Any jerk can have short-term earnings. You squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, and the company sinks five yea...
JACK WELCH

I've learned that mistakes can often be as good a teacher as success.
JACK WELCH

There's no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and ...
JACK WELCH

You've got to eat while you dream. You've got to deliver on short-range commitments, while y...
JACK WELCH

The team with the best players wins.
JACK WELCH

Willingness to change is a strength, even if it means plunging part of the company into total confus...
JACK WELCH

A strategy is something like, an innovative new product; globalization, taking your products around ...
JACK WELCH

Change before you have to.
JACK WELCH

Be candid with everyone.
JACK WELCH

If it's anything I can't stand, it's yes-men. When I say no, I want you to say no, too.
JACK WARNER

I don't want it good. I want it Tuesday.
JACK WARNER

'General Hospital' was so massive in the 80s and that's when people my age or even young...
JACK WAGNER

I was fortunate enough to hook up with Quincy Jones and had a lot of success. But the music of the &...
JACK WAGNER

I kind of went into soap opera with 'General Hospital' in the '80s. It's like theate...
JACK WAGNER

By patting somebody on the back, a boy or a girl, a professional dancer, male, female, it really mak...
JACK WAGNER

Peter Wagner, my son, just won the Bel-Air Junior Club Championship. Parred the last three holes. On...
JACK WAGNER

I was always very independent and looked out for myself. I think that ability really helped me in la...
JACK WAGNER

We all grew up, our grandmothers and mothers had about three channels to watch, so we watched those ...
JACK WAGNER

My all-time low is 62 at Bel-Air, but it was in match play, and I had two putts given to me from fou...
JACK WAGNER

My mother has been the greatest influence on my life, morally. When I get right down to it, my mothe...
JACK WAGNER

My parents weren't extremely successful financially, but they were happy people. They gave me co...
JACK WAGNER

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
JACK WAGNER

Obviously sex and nudity sells, but that's what people go to cable for but that's not going ...
JACK WAGNER

My kids are at a point in their lives where I'm a moral compass for them. God help them both.
JACK WAGNER

I haven't been to a movie since somebody gave me free tickets to Star Wars, which I went to.
JACK VANCE

I haven't sold to the movies. In other words, I haven't gotten any enormous checks yet.
JACK VANCE

I just wrote what I felt like writing since they seemed to sell.
JACK VANCE

I never worked in an office in my life.
JACK VANCE

I thought that automobiles were going to have mufflers and go fast and airplanes were going to fly f...
JACK VANCE

I worked for half a cent a word. I'm not a fast writer to begin with, so for the first few years...
JACK VANCE

I'd never been published when I was young.
JACK VANCE

In fact, almost every job you get somebody watching you.
JACK VANCE

Right now I'm so old that if I had a big gush of money, I don't know what I'd do with it...
JACK VANCE

So I'll write it, and then I'll find out that I actually wrote something that is utterly use...
JACK VANCE

Then there was Clark Ashton Smith, who wrote for Weird Tales and who had a wild imagination. He wasn...
JACK VANCE

There was a writer in the '20s called Christopher Morley, who I remember a little bit of, who ha...
JACK VANCE

Well, I think everything I've ever read contributes to the background from which I write.
JACK VANCE

But I'm so slow on it because I find it terribly hard writing blind on computers. The computer s...
JACK VANCE

I don't read other science fiction. I don't read any at all.
JACK VANCE

I never made lots of money at it, but I sold enough.
JACK VANCE

This flattery has been rather slow in coming. I think all of sudden late in life now I'm getting...
JACK VANCE

I was an omnivore at reading, so that everything I ever read contributed.
JACK VANCE

I was a carpenter for a time and everybody watches what you do.
JACK VANCE

A reader is not supposed to be aware that someone's written the story. He's supposed to be c...
JACK VANCE

But I've sure worked at jobs where I have been under inspection.
JACK VANCE

Sometimes some of these little side excursions are useful and I manage to fit them in the book somew...
JACK VANCE

It seems to limit you; when you're working in an office, you're a creature in a small cell u...
JACK VANCE

The story was such that I couldn't make a graceful ending and then make a graceful new beginning...
JACK VANCE

As I mentioned, I was a carpenter for a time.
JACK VANCE

If movies are causing moral decay, then crime ought to be going up, but crime is going down.
JACK VALENTI

Foreign capital to build new cinemas will help modernize China's aging cinema infrastructure, at...
JACK VALENTI

Every parent in America has the total power to control all television programming that is dispatched...
JACK VALENTI

I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently, because Lyndon Johnson is my presiden...
JACK VALENTI

There isn't anything in the world that can't be made better.
JACK VALENTI

The public's nerves are raw and edgy. You have to be discreet and understanding about the films ...
JACK VALENTI

The only group in America that deserves to scrutinize what we are doing... are parents.
JACK VALENTI

Film-makers must decide what story to tell and how to tell it.
JACK VALENTI

No one today knows what is indecent.
JACK VALENTI

There were five children in my family, and arguing was how we used to entertain ourselves.
JACK STRAW

It's extraordinary what children put up with. I happened to see two of my uncles put my father u...
JACK STRAW

In 1933, the Nazis came to power and the more systematic persecution of the Jews followed quickly. L...
JACK STEINBERGER

In the evenings I studied chemistry at the University of Chicago, the weekends I helped in the famil...
JACK STEINBERGER

I feel I learned as much from fellow students as from the professors.
JACK STEINBERGER

I reverted easily to my wild state, that is experimentation.
JACK STEINBERGER

I had no new ideas on the physics we might learn, and I could not compete with the younger generatio...
JACK STEINBERGER

I studied chemical engineering. I was a good student, but these were the hard times of the depressio...
JACK STEINBERGER

In 1934, the American Jewish charities offered to find homes for 300 German refugee children. We wer...
JACK STEINBERGER

I joined the Army and was sent to the MIT radiation laboratory after a few months of introduction to...
JACK STEINBERGER

I remember Nazi election propaganda posters showing a hateful Jewish face with crooked nose.
JACK STEINBERGER

It's great that people are interested in Mars.
JACK SCHMITT

But I don't think we'll go there until we go back to the moon and develop a technology base ...
JACK SCHMITT

It's like trying to describe what you feel when you're standing on the rim of the Grand Cany...
JACK SCHMITT

My family has served the country in almost every major war since the Civil War.
JACK SCALIA

There's a greatness in this country many of the kids today don't know.
JACK SCALIA

I was raised with those principals and values and ethics that came out of the men and women that ser...
JACK SCALIA

I remember fear and I remember the potential of nuclear war.
JACK SCALIA

You gotta take care of the people that are part of the foundation. If you don't, it crumbles.
JACK SCALIA

But this country is a great country and will always rebound.
JACK SCALIA

Because if you have a strong foundation like we have, then you can build or rebuild anything on it. ...
JACK SCALIA

Our firefighters are our last line of defense, baby.
JACK SCALIA

I was an only child until I was 14, and there were no other kids around the area really. So I spent ...
JACK REYNOR

I originally got into this because of a five-year-old's begrudgery of his teacher. Mrs. Lawlor c...
JACK REYNOR

With 'Richard,' I was excited to make this film with such an amazing role for an actor. Play...
JACK REYNOR

As a kid growing up, I put a lot of pressure on myself.
JACK REYNOR

I couldn't even get an audition for network TV at home in Ireland.
JACK REYNOR

If you have an opportunity to reach people on a broad scale, it's not enough to just entertain p...
JACK REYNOR

'Transformers' gives people the ability to relax and rest for three hours. That's a subs...
JACK REYNOR

When I meet someone who I really admire, I enjoy nothing more than trying to connect with them and a...
JACK REYNOR

In terms of doing another franchise after 'Transformers,' I don't know if that would be ...
JACK REYNOR

'Star Wars' was something that I was definitely interested in. Whether or not I was really i...
JACK REYNOR

I was always a big fan of Charlie Chaplin movies. I love 'The Great Dictator' and 'City ...
JACK REYNOR

The first movie I really clicked with was 'Die Hard' when I was 6 years old, which is crazy ...
JACK REYNOR

When I was a little, little kid, my family got a new washing machine, and they had a big box that wa...
JACK REYNOR

I'd love to do a film with Michael Fassbender. He's one of my heroes. I think he's absol...
JACK REYNOR

I bring a copy of 'Dracula' with me wherever I go, the book. It's my favorite book in th...
JACK REYNOR

So many Irish actors overplay that modesty because they're afraid people will judge them and say...
JACK REYNOR

I make it my business to see or do something cultural in every place I go to. If you don't, you&...
JACK REYNOR

My least favorite thing about New York is probably the traffic. I hate it. The people are such aggre...
JACK REYNOR

With 'Transformers,' I'm going to get to drive fast cars and have a lot of fun. That'...
JACK REYNOR

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

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Jack Handey

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Jack Handey

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