I cannot say that I do not disagree with you


Groucho Marx

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I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN
Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW
The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX
What we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do. There are people we trust b...
STEPHEN R. COVEY
Sometimes we want something so much that God will have us give it up so we can grow
(I CANNOT REMEMBER)
Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER
I do have an impulse to sort of leverage what I say against something I disagree with.
MARILYNNE ROBINSON
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX
I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD
I disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
VOLTAIRE
Do I disagree that we need to ban all Muslims from entering the country? Yes, I disagree with that s...
BILL HASLAM
I have disagreements with some and more agreements with others. But that doesn't mean I cannot l...
MOHAMMAD JAVAD ZARIF
It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.
UNKNOWN
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
I cannot say that I know Brahman fully.
Nor can I say that I know him not....
Nor do I kno...
PRABHAVANANDA
They say that a part of you dies when a special Loved One passes away...I disagree...I say a part of...
DANIEL YANEZ
I do press junkets and people will tell me what I've supposedly said in articles and I always disagr...
MEG RYAN
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX
Just as Marx used to say about the French Marxists of the late seventies: All I know is that I am no...
FRIEDRICH ENGELS
Just as Marx used to say about the French "Marxists" of the late seventies: "All I know is that I am...
FRIEDRICH ENGELS
I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE
I say that I found peace. I do not say that I was not lonely. I was--terribly. I do not say that I d...
ELISABETH ELLIOT
Some say "you are what you eat". But I completely disagree. You are what you think!
PHILIP T. M.
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
I disagree with people who think you learn more from getting beat up than you do from winning.
TOM CRUISE
I disagree with people who think you learn more from getting beat up than you do from winning
TOM CRUISE
I cannot afford to lose you, too"
"You cannot lose something you do not own. Take me with you
KIERSTEN WHITE
I was raised in Duluth, Minnesota, where you never say that you're cold, or that you're suff...
MARIA BAMFORD
I'm a daughter, not a clone. So, of course, daughters often disagree with things their fathers s...
IVANKA TRUMP
I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and con...
DAISAKU IKEDA
I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN
Have you ever heard people say "you are what you eat" I completely disagree. You are what you think!
PHILIP T. M.
Out of respect for our client, Mr. Cummings, we try to refrain from any comment on this situation. T...
DAVID HOWELL
I do not agree with a word that you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it
VOLTAIRE
I am not afraid if the criticism concerns what I do wrong, because then I know. Because if you say t...
BHUMIBOL ADULYADEJ
I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN
I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS
You tell me that yes, I can do it. I know.
And I may do it, if I so choose.
You tell me t...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH
But on those occasions when I do strongly disagree with the Democrats and I don't say anything, ...
BARNEY FRANK
I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE
Do you know, the only people I can have a conversation with are the Jews? At least when they quote s...
IAIN PEARS
You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge...
MINDY KALING
I do not support a North American Union. I disagree fundamentally with that, and I think the United ...
SAM BROWNBACK
you have right to disagree with me. you have right to understand what you had understand ( of course...
DR. SHAILESH THAKER
It does not disagree with my determination, it does not say that the boy cannot be reunited with his...
JANET RENO
Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I'm disagreeable.
SAMUEL GOLDWYN
To eat well, I always disagree with critics who say that all restaurants should be fine dining. You ...
DAVID CHANG
My kids are no different than anyone else's - they tend to disagree with everything I say!
WAYNE GRETZKY
There is no privilege in restriction. In other words, I disagree with people who say restriction mak...
ASGHAR FARHADI
The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too ...
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too ...
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an ant...
RONALD REAGAN
How do you tell a Communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an a...
RONALD REAGAN
I won't close down a business of subnormal profitability merely to add a fraction of a point to our ...
WARREN BUFFETT
Do not say the land ahead does not exist, simply because you cannot see it.
ROBERT H. BARLOW
What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what...
EDWARD EVERETT HALE
I 100 percent disagree with everything you said, but I'm glad you said it.
BARRY RICHARDS
To have a liberal temperament is a kind of psychological boon, To be able to understand that someone...
PETER GAY
To have a liberal temperament is a kind of psychological boon, To be able to understand that someone...
PETER GAY
According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX
If I disagree with you sometimes, it's because I have a mind of my own.
EMMA PAUL
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX
I can assure you that everything I say and do has the complete approval of the Fuehrer and that I wo...
HJALMAR SCHACHT
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
JOHN WOODEN
We cannot cheat on DNA. We cannot get round photosynthesis. We cannot say I am not going to give a d...
DAME BARBARA WARD
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an...
RONALD REAGAN
I couldn't disagree with them more.
CRAIG QUIGLEY
I cannot say that any group will be entirely excited with this constitution.
BARHAM SALIH
If you agree with some tenets of Objectivism, but disagree with others, do not call yourself an Obje...
AYN RAND
The military say always salute the flag before you disagree with your commanding officer. If you can...
DAVID MAXFIELD
When people disagree with you, what you ultimately have to do is persuade people to agree with you -...
BILL JAMES
I've got to say, I've probably seen a lot more of the Three Stooges than of the Marx Brother...
SPIKE JONZE
You cannot take what I already know from me. You cannot withhold what I do not know from me because ...
SHANTELEE R. BROWN
Once you start playing a piece, there is a connection between every note. You cannot say, 'I wil...
DANIEL BARENBOIM
I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
EVELYN BEATRICE HALL
I still have a lot of judgmentalism in me, where I'd see somebody, and I just would, you know, I...
SAM BROWNBACK
Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you--haunt me then. T...
EMILY BRONTë
I'm not staid and unbiased here. I have certain biases I want to convey, and if you disagree, th...
NEIL CAVUTO
Do not indoctrinate your children. Teach them how to think for themselves, how to evaluate evidence,...
RICHARD DAWKINS
Robertson later said he meant a regime change, not an assassination, ... It's fair to say, however, ...
JESSE JACKSON
I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.
MOTHER TERESA
What you are thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do...
EDWARD EVERETT HALE
As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thi...
KAREN DECROW
For harmony is a symphony, and symphony is an agreement; but an agreement of disagreements while the...
PLATO
Bush used a version of the same technique: 'I heard somebody say, well, maybe so-and-so is not patri...
HOWARD KURTZ
You couldn’t say: It’s not my fault. You couldn’t say: It’s not my responsibility. You could...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I am only one, but still I am one.I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because ...
HELEN KELLER
I disagree with you, but I still like you as a person who is a human being and I will treat you like...
ROBBY NOVAK
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and becaus...
HELEN KELLER
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because...
EDWARD EVERETT HALE
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because...
HELEN KELLER
Pick up your clothes. I am not your maid. How do I know this? A maid cannot kill you with a tube soc...
ROB THURMAN

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX
Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX
We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX
Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX
Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
[When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX
I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX
I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX
Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX
Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX
I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX
Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX