I can't explain it, ... I guess you have to take it like a man but I'm embarrassing myself. I'd like to crawl in a hole.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!".

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, "Are you comfortable?" The man answers, "I make a nice living."

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day

One man's opportunism is another man's statesmanship.

When a man spends his own money to buy something for himself,
he is very careful about how much he spends and how he spends it.
When a man spends his own money to buy something for someone else,
he is still very careful about how much he spends, but somewhat
less what he spends it on. When a man spends someone else's money
to buy something for himself, he is very careful about what he
buys, but doesn't care at all how much he spends. And when a man
spends someone else's money on someone else, he doesn't care how
much he spends or what he spends it on. And that's government
for you.