I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right.

Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.

No one in this world, so far as I know—and I have searched the record for years, and employed agents to help me—has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.