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I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.


Groucho Marx

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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I don't have a formal home recording studio, but I can record tracks on my computer upstairs in ...
HUEY LEWIS I don't have a lot of time to speak... but we will speak soon.
DEYTH BANGER Humans don't have any type of interest... HAVING SO MUCH STUFF AROUND THEM AND SO LITTLE INTEREST IN...
DEYTH BANGER The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Maybe that's what praying is all about. Maybe it's not just asking God to forgive us for bad things ...
SARAH DARER LITTMAN The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Most everybody needs clothes. Theyre going to need clothing--jeans, T-shirts, socks, the whole thing...
CAROL JONES When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Mr Heckles: quiet, your disturbing my birds!Rachel: you dont have birdsMr Heckles: i could have bird...
FRIENDS i want to be the best i can be but when i cant i'll try my best to achieve my goal my goals in life ...
DALLY SALAD I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We...
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. ...Okay... probably now you have read all my books up to now..., you have check out everything what ...
DEYTH BANGER The Lord replied, "The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carr...
MARY STEVENSON I have learned in my life that my plans don't matter. It's God's plan.
TAYA KYLE My drawers are neat. I must have OCD. I toss around the socks and underwear to see if I can piss mys...
COLLEEN HOOVER If we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love, and behave ...
MITCH ALBOM The answer isn't more time but a greater awareness of the time we have.
CRAIG GROESCHEL But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have eve...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Life can end in an instant. I feel extremely lucky, extremely lucky. I have to thank the one upstair...
MONICA GLENN I dont have a plan B. Because that will only distract me from achieving my plan A. - Robin Sharmin
ROBIN SHARMIN This is where, if you have a good process, you can really knock their socks off.
KRISTIN DONAHUE One can never have enough socks
J.K. ROWLING One can never have enough socks.
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX I always give a print to everybody I photograph, and some of my subjects have told me they have a ha...
CATHERINE OPIE My idea of working out is going upstairs in my apartment.
DANA DAVIS When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in...
TED GRANT I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX teacher:"I'm teacher, not because i want to teach children something. I am teacher just because I li...
MY TEACHER I sleep with my socks on sometimes.
ASHTON IRWIN Im going to Invest in a Turtle shell so i dont have to Watch MY Back. add ME to the Ninja Turtles Li...
KALUM JOHNSON (KDOG) In my hand luggage I always have my camera, iPod, make-up bag, tooth brush, cleansing products, clea...
LISA SNOWDON I dont have a girlfriend, I have a dog.
BLINK 182 I have learned to delegate.
GWEN STEFANI I hate having my photograph taken.
E. L. JAMES One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky fl...
MARGARET FISHBACK POWERS Why is it that we want what we don't have, yet we can't see what we do have?
ANTHONY T. HINCKS Even today I work with Niall O'Brien, who is far more technically astute than I am, but I still ...
SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
DEMETRI MARTIN We dont know what were going to go home to, ... If we dont have anything anymore, Im not sure I want...
IAN WILLIAMSON you dont busy yourself arranging straw when you still have that passage that can let in the wind unp...
JOSEPH ANNANG SOWAH My secret is wearing five pairs of socks. I just believe in taking care of my feet.
DICK BAVETTA I breathe you, dream, feel, taste your existance.But you leave me cold at night.Drowning in my own w...
TANICA S HALL Honey, have you ever seen a man knitting socks?
EZER WEIZMAN I don’t have to look far and wide to discover that material wealth alone is not enough to build a ...
SUNDAY ADELAJA I always performed when I was a child. My parents got very annoyed, because my brother and I had our...
FRANKA POTENTE My short stories are like soft shadows I have set out in the world, faint footprints I have left. I ...
HARUKI MURAKAMI I can offer you my life, but it is a short life; I can offer you my heart, though I have no idea how...
CASSANDRA CLARE Perishability in a photograph is important in a picture. If a photograph looks perishable we say, "G...
JOHN LOENGARD And my mom comes upstairs and she says, 'Something is wrong with you.' I wouldn't even talk. She say...
FANTASIA BARRINO I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I got so much tarter i dont gotta dip my fishsticks in shit!
MITCH HEDBERG My favorite place in Indonesia is Bali. I was there with my family in Nusa Dua, and my kids loved it...
JOE TASLIM I shall never have a bath again," I said.
"Just dont have one too often," my grandmother said....
ROALD DAHL The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN Just because you haven't got a home, doesn't make you homeless.
and
Just because you don't...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS Photographers usually want to photograph facts and things. But I'm interested in the nature of t...
DUANE MICHALS Look at my life. I'm floating like mercury around the earth. My footprints shine with stardust. All ...
MAYA ANGELOU You can give some kind of spark of life to a comic that a photograph doesn't really have. A photogra...
DANIEL CLOWES Dont know why am different from other people, but i surely know that i think of the long run, i dont...
OLASOT Everyone leaves footprints in you memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the o...
NICHOLAS SPERLING You can't buy my love!.. but you can have it free.
MJ CHRISTINE I only photograph myself at poignant moments in my life as a check of where I am and how large my th...
SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but ...
ALBERT EINSTEIN If you dont have any shadows you're not in the light
LADY GAGA yepp it's ok, i know you dont care at all, but i still have to make you smile, cause i love seeing y...
ABHIYANDA B. There are two things in life you cannot choose. The first is your enemies; the second your family. S...
CARLOS RUIZ ZAFóN I do have one slightly crooked wheel upstairs, but everything else is ticking along just four-o, tha...
STEPHEN KING He may be president, but he still comes home and swipes my socks.
JOSEPH P. KENNEDY The average Southerner has the speech patterns of someone slipping in and out of consciousness. I ca...
BILL BRYSON Strength is not something you have, it's something you find.
EMMA SMITH Words have a taste, sweet but subtle, like dark chocolate; the scent of old bookshops; a flamenco rh...
CHLOE THURLOW To believe in something can be inspiration for many people .To believe is to have faith in what you ...
GARY F EVANS... What do people fear most about death? I asked the reb.
"Fear?" he thought for a moment. 'Well, ...
MITCH ALBOM Love- the infatuation kind- 'he's so handsome, she's so beautiful'- that can shrivel. As soon as som...
MITCH ALBOM If you stopped yourself every time you said "I have to", and changed it to "I get to" it might chang...
KYLE PAGERLY Happiness is wanting what you have instead of wanting what you don't have.
LORRIN L. LEE You can BE, DO, and HAVE ...absolutely ANYTHING you really, really want to BE, DO, and HAVE.
LORRIN L. LEE We tend to not appreciate what we have until we lose it.
LORRIN L. LEE Now they have a riddle.

- Criminal Minds
DEYTH BANGER Pathetic is when you assume the worst, because you are incapable of thinking beyond your own mental ...
EMMA PAUL Those who hate, are merely wallowing in self pity. Those who lie about someone to destroy his or her...
EMMA PAUL Words have power," Isaac answered. Words begin and end wars. They create and destroy families. They ...
LORI HANDELAND I feel like dress socks differentiate you in a different way - especially men in suits who just have...
ROB KARDASHIAN War is hell. You can't photograph a flying bullet, but you can capture genuine fear.
HORST FAAS What have I earned from you, Valek? Loyalty? Respect? Trust?"

"You have my attention. But...
MARIA V. SNYDER I dont have a crush on anyone easily.
ANUSHKA SHARMA My pictures are my eyes. I photograph what I see - and what I want to see.
MARIO TESTINO I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Informat...
STEPHEN WRIGHT But I can please God
CRAIG GROESCHEL The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying tr...
JOHN GREEN

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX