I don't think there's a soul in the city that won't like at least one of these artists.


Jonathan Witz

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Aye, well, I've got my garden.
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A wise person should have money in their head, but not in their heart.
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I beg people not to accept the seasonal ritual of well-timed charity on Christmas Eve. It's blas...
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Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches to conceive how others can be in want.
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May you live every day of your life.
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Oh, we'll suffer in silence. You've given us plenty of practice at that.
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Well, I make that one murder victim, one police interrogation and one conversation with a ghost,” ...
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Well, when you're being held at gunpoint by a geriatric madman in a metal skirt, you've kind of hit ...
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God rest her soul and may she never walk at night
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Besides, if you're going to die horribly, you might as well do it with style.
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More ghosts have been created in bedrooms than anywhere else.
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Don't set your wit against a child.
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Complaint is the largest tribute Heaven receives.
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What some people invent the rest enlarge.
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All human race would be wits. And millions miss, for one that hits.
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Nothing is so great an example of bad manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you pleas...
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In church your grandsire cut his throat; to do the job too long he tarried: he should have had my he...
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Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.
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We are so fond on one another because our ailments are the same.
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Argument, as usually managed, is the worst sort of conversation, as in books it is generally the wor...
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Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.
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Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
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I went to Washington to challenge the soft bigotry of low expectations,
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One enemy can do more hurt than ten friends can do good.
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'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
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She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitch folk.
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One of the oddest features of western Christianized culture is its ready acceptance of the myth of t...
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I will venture to affirm, that the three seasons wherein our corn has miscarried did no more contrib...
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It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever hath been done before, may legally be done again: a...
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Come, agree, the law's costly.
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There's none so blind as they that won't see.
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Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own; wh...
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Brutes find out where their talents lie;
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A foundered horse w...
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Over emphatic negatives always suggest that what is being denied may be what is really being asserte...
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But when a Man
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Pretense is the overrating of any kind of knowledge we pretend to.
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There are two sorts of hypocrites; ones that are deceived with their outward morality and external r...
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Attitudes to museums have changed. If it had Marilyn Monroe's knickers or Laurence Olivier's jockstr...
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Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected.
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I said there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving by words ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Interest is the spur of the people, but glory that of great souls. Invention is the talent of youth,...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I wont quarrel with my bread and butter.
JONATHAN SWIFT
I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
JONATHAN SWIFT
It was a bold person that first ate an oyster.
JONATHAN SWIFT
A bad forgery's the ultimate insult.
JONATHAN GASH
Promises and pie crusts are made to be broken.
JONATHAN SWIFT
But you think that it is time for me to have done with the world, and so I would if I could get into...
JONATHAN SWIFT
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Ambition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same positi...
JONATHAN SWIFT
And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I warrant you lay abed till the cows came home.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Faith, that's as well said as if I had said it myself.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
JONATHAN LARSON
Reason is a very light rider, and easily shook off.
JONATHAN SWIFT
There's an enduring American compulsion to be on the side of the angels. Expediency alone has never ...
JONATHAN RABAN
What she doesn't say is just as important as what she does say -- but there's so much more of it. I ...
JONATHAN KATZ
Nor do they trust their tongue alone, but speak a language of their own; can read a nod, a shrug, a ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.
JONATHAN SWIFT
As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a...
JONATHAN SWIFT
How we apples swim.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Instead of dirt and poison, we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax, thus furnis...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Convey a libel in a frown. And wink a reputation down!
JONATHAN SWIFT
For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery.
JONATHAN SWIFT
The worthiest people are the most injured by slander, as is the best fruit which the birds have been...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
JONATHAN SWIFT
They say fingers were made before forks, and hands before knives.
JONATHAN SWIFT
What some invent the rest enlarge.
JONATHAN SWIFT
I heard the little bird say so.
JONATHAN SWIFT
A prince, the moment he is crown'd, Inherits every virtue sound, As emblems of the sovereign p...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody else has thought.
JONATHAN SWIFT
So, naturalists observe, a flea Has smaller fleas that on him prey; And these have smaller sti...
JONATHAN SWIFT
A nice man is a man of nasty ideas.
JONATHAN SWIFT
In all distresses of our friends We first consult our private ends; While Nature, kindly bent ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
A man suffers death himself as often as he loses those dear to him.
JONATHAN SWIFT
He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be p...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Positiveness is a good quality for preachers and speakers because, whoever shares his thoughts wit...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Necessity is the mother of invention, it is true -- but it's father is creativity, and knowledge is...
JONATHAN SCHATTKE
Necessity is the mother of invention.
JONATHAN SWIFT