Mike Gallagher
Related RICHARD DAWKINS I save all my good e-mails. Listen to this one: 'You liberals should be deported.' ALAN COLMES Sometimes I get to see a movie that's adapted from a book that I haven't heard about or that... TATIANA DE ROSNAY I thought, well I can do that. I couldn't be bothered writing a book review, because I'd hav... EDDIE CAMPBELL I would love to be in 'The Hunger Games.' I'm one of the few people who haven't read... CASSI THOMSON You can't improve what you can't measure, and liberals have resisted any kind of meaningful ... MIKE GALLAGHER BERNARD GOLDBERG In my defense, I love the book in a postmodern kind of way where I've always sensed that it contains... CAROLINE KEPNES SALMAN RUSHDIE Sarah Palin - now don't laugh - is writing a book. Not just reading a book, writing a book. Actu... CHRIS MATTHEWS If I like a book, I tend to read the author's entire collection. But I choose mainly through per... RANDA ABDEL-FATTAH MARKUS ZUSAK Back in the day, I used to read 'Archie,' but I haven't been a comic book aficionado. DANAI GURIRA Most books reviews aren't very well-written. They tend to be more about the reviewer than the bo... TIBOR FISCHER DAVID BOWIE BARBARA BUSH Ramesh Ponnuru and others say Obama is a conventional liberal. But conventional liberals don't c... DINESH D'SOUZA TOM PETERS Liberals believe that they can't get a fair shake from the media anymore. ERIC ALTERMAN CHUCK PALAHNIUK BERNARD GOLDBERG MARSHALL MCLUHAN RUSH LIMBAUGH I think it's a competitive advantage that both Amazon and Google and other tech companies have o... BRAD STONE I didn't really like reading much before I did 'The Golden Compass'. But then my teacher... DAKOTA BLUE RICHARDS JOHN IRVING HA-JOON CHANG When I was really little, my favorite book was 'The BFG'. I read it - my teacher in, like, f... MADISON PETTIS DOUGLAS BRUNT GABRIELLE ZEVIN I haven't written a young-adult book in years. I'm also doing six 'Goosebumps' books... R. L. STINE 'E pluribus unum' is perhaps the most obnoxious motto the Founders could have come up with, ... MIKE GALLAGHER Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON BOBBY ORR HILARY MANTEL PETER SINGER 'Rescue Me' is the first book in a three-book series. Although, like all my series, the book... RACHEL GIBSON I have turned off Google Alerts and don't Google my name or my pen names. I don't go on mess... J. A. KONRATH M. STANTON EVANS A lot of people love the idea of improvising but are terrified of it, so I tried to make a book that... SALLY SCHNEIDER Titles are very hard. Sometimes a title comes before I start to write the book, but often I finish t... EVE BUNTING CONOR MCGREGOR PETER JAMES JOJO MOYES ANN COULTER LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA There's a book that I read, really a great book - it's called 'Lone Survivor' and I ... JARED PADALECKI NEIL GAIMAN KATHERINE MCNAMARA Every time you hear someone read your book and liked your book, you're never sure whether that&#... JOSHUA FERRIS Well I'm not a novelist. I've only written one book and that is a memoir. CARLY FIORINA RAY BRADBURY JAMES Q. WILSON SHIA LABEOUF They're building a bridge over the Potomac for all the white liberals fleeing to Virginia. GEORGE C. WALLACE It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill JUDE WATSON A person might see that I've blurbed a certain book and decide they want nothing to do with it! ... MIRIAM TOEWS CARL HIAASEN 'The Chimney Sweeper's Boy' began differently from any previous book I'd written. It... RUTH RENDELL JUNOT DIAZ I haven't yet written a book in a far-future utopia, where all bad things are eliminated, but it... PETER F. HAMILTON JEN LANCASTER I have read every book in the 'Dune' series and every Anne Rice book. LORRAINE TOUSSAINT AKHIL SHARMA I actually love history. I've devoured book after book of stories from World War I and World War... CELINE BUCKENS YOKO ONO ALEX PAREENE TERRY PRATCHETT ROSECRANS BALDWIN ANN HOOD I've found that in fiction - and this is just the kind of writer I am - I can't really work ... JESMYN WARD CATHERINE HARDWICKE I read that book, 'Lonesome Dove,' and I told my agent that they were gonna make a miniserie... BARRY CORBIN LIBBA BRAY NOAM CHOMSKY LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA I received more than 4,000 e-mails -- most of them from political liberals, quite civil and from out... DEBORAH HOWELL ED EMBERLEY ISABEL ALLENDE AL FRANKEN JACK CANFIELD ANNA QUINDLEN My daughter loves romances. She's a Ph.D student at George Washington University, and when my fi... ANN MAXWELL ANN COULTER MAXINE WATERS I bring a copy of 'Dracula' with me wherever I go, the book. It's my favorite book in th... JACK REYNOR The price of an e-book is a lot less than the price that we're charging for a hardcover book. It... JONATHAN GALASSI The first comic I can remember ever reading was a 'Fantastic Four' issue that my dad bought ... CHARLES SOULE It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea. JUDE WATSON ABRAHAM LINCOLN I was starstruck and completely confused; making a film of this story hadn't even occurred to me... LAURA HILLENBRAND GORE VIDAL I saw Roland Barthes's 'Mourning Diary' at a bookshop, and I felt it was like I was dest... GO AH-SUNG I actually love history. I've devoured book after book of stories from World War I and World War... CELINE BUCKENS MICHAEL KINSLEY CHARLAINE HARRIS CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES KID ROCK
More Mike Gallagher
One day before I die, I will finally understand why liberals, especially Jewish liberals, fail to fu... MIKE GALLAGHER If a natural disaster like a flock of birds or a bolt of lightning causes a plane's engines to f... MIKE GALLAGHER I've loved traveling around the country and meeting people at book signings. MIKE GALLAGHER We simply have to reign in the piggish people and money-hungry lawyers who chase every ambulance the... MIKE GALLAGHER School systems now routinely have more administrators than classroom teachers. They have armies of c... MIKE GALLAGHER We know how to take care of one another without whining and accusing and belly-aching. MIKE GALLAGHER I continually ask myself if a decision I'm about to make falls short in the eyes of God or my fa... MIKE GALLAGHER Right and wrong are not relative terms. There are fundamental truths. Evil flourishes, but good men ... MIKE GALLAGHER The silliest, most frustrating national dialogue has been this chattering about waterboarding and sl... MIKE GALLAGHER Listener and reader input is every bit as important as anything any of us can say. We'd be like ... MIKE GALLAGHER For many impoverished people, living under a tarp or in a cardboard box is a way of life. MIKE GALLAGHER We are, after all, a nation of laws. And we live in a culture where carrying a form of identificatio... MIKE GALLAGHER There is simply no defending the preferred mode of travel for many of the celebrity crazies who lect... MIKE GALLAGHER I think you can be conservative and fight for what you believe in without being mean-spirited or bas... MIKE GALLAGHER Believe me, I bash liberals for being mean-spirited and angry, but there are plenty on my side who a... MIKE GALLAGHER While headlines are being generated about the Democrat mindset of nationalizing private businesses a... MIKE GALLAGHER If a police officer is looking for a criminal, he or she might stop a number of people in that parti... MIKE GALLAGHER 'We don't torture' is the anguished cry of squishy people who have decided that trying t... MIKE GALLAGHER Liberals would prefer it if the bald eagle on the Great Seal was holding olive branches in both talo... MIKE GALLAGHER Despite the fact that there was not one shred of evidence that George Zimmerman 'racially profil... MIKE GALLAGHER The Left loves to demonize the financially successful. MIKE GALLAGHER Evil is everywhere. But to believe that this is a country that resembles the Jim Crow-era is ludicro... MIKE GALLAGHER You can't improve what you can't measure, and liberals have resisted any kind of meaningful ... MIKE GALLAGHER The failure to readily identify the battle between good and evil is a nagging, ongoing, dangerous pa... MIKE GALLAGHER I've made mistakes, usually when I felt backed against a wall or faced enormous pressure. I'... MIKE GALLAGHER Fueled by the kindness and generosity of strangers, 'Food for the Poor' builds houses for pe... MIKE GALLAGHER The global warming hysterics don't just offer opinions and beliefs about greenhouse gases and th... MIKE GALLAGHER I yearn for the day when we'll return to the foundational value that makes this country great. MIKE GALLAGHER Sen. McCain isn't someone who strikes you as a particularly dynamic speaker. He doesn't seem... MIKE GALLAGHER Ask any cop, and they'll assure you that it doesn't exactly take a forensics team from NCIS ... MIKE GALLAGHER Picture what this country felt like in the weeks and months after 9/11. Can you imagine anyone even ... MIKE GALLAGHER Education means teaching kids how to do stuff and how to think about stuff. Education is a pretty si... MIKE GALLAGHER Liberal idiocy surrounds us all. It threatens to destroy the values and lifestyles that millions of ... MIKE GALLAGHER Public school teachers enjoy a huge amount of job security, thanks to their powerful unions and infl... MIKE GALLAGHER Jesse Jackson is a master of the old expression that it doesn't matter what someone says about y... MIKE GALLAGHER It doesn't matter if one is live on-air or sitting through a commercial break. There aren't ... MIKE GALLAGHER Larry King and his producers ought to go back to school and learn what 'fair and balanced' r... MIKE GALLAGHER For people who never tire of telling the world what a moral high ground they've taken in opposin... MIKE GALLAGHER Maybe I'm just as bad as my critics who hound me. MIKE GALLAGHER I often debate liberals on Fox News Channel who tend to start yelling and attacking when they run ou... MIKE GALLAGHER As a Fox News Channel contributor, I've learned most of the tips over the years: look into the c... MIKE GALLAGHER Oliver Stone might think he's a guy who chews with his mouth open and yells at the hired help, b... MIKE GALLAGHER 'E pluribus unum' is perhaps the most obnoxious motto the Founders could have come up with, ... MIKE GALLAGHER Getting to shake hands, pose for pictures, sign books, and interact with people who listen to our ra... MIKE GALLAGHER Want to fire up a liberal? Dare to suggest that a nervous looking young Middle Eastern man standing ... MIKE GALLAGHER People are savvy enough to know that simply a threat of litigation is tantamount to a nice, hefty ch... MIKE GALLAGHER For years, I have been criticized for supporting the military because I have no military experience.... MIKE GALLAGHER Arlen Specter is a scoundrel. MIKE GALLAGHER When your spouse is given a bleak prognosis, you become an expert in soaking up every moment of ever... MIKE GALLAGHER If you asked a team of expert psychologists and sociological researchers to come up with a design th... MIKE GALLAGHER America is full of success stories featuring victories by the underdog. MIKE GALLAGHER Leave it to an Obama supporter to bring up Iraq in the middle of a conversation about the swine flu ... MIKE GALLAGHER After watching the shrill reaction from liberals to the George Zimmerman verdict, I am reminded abou... MIKE GALLAGHER All of these 'protections' were put into place to provide public school teachers with the ki... MIKE GALLAGHER I don't say that I'm going to be like every other comic that's blue, or gratuitous use o... GALLAGHER I know that I am an excellent live performer. I know that I have spent my life paying attention to m... GALLAGHER People don't know how to behave in public anymore. GALLAGHER I know what people laugh at. I know their vocabulary. GALLAGHER I was the first one to allow a projectile to come off of the stage and into the audience. And I kind... GALLAGHER Parents are trying to be friends with their kids rather than draw the line and tell them what proper... GALLAGHER I need wrong to get laughs. I need a normal world so that I can be abnormal, and that's my probl... GALLAGHER I don't want to overthrow the government. I wanna fire 'em. GALLAGHER Don't you wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightnes... GALLAGHER Detroit is drunken idiots. It was no surprise to me. I performed with Kenny Rogers for one year as h... GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only proble... AL GALLAGHER Both are great guys and we're going to miss them. AL GALLAGHER I think our defense will be fine. AL GALLAGHER We're looking for guys that can play defense. AL GALLAGHER We'll have to wait and see if Eric can take on the responsibility. AL GALLAGHER Everybody forgets Brandon hadn't played baseball in two years (before joining the T-Bones). He shoul... AL GALLAGHER We need to talk and agree on terms. There's a lot of negotiations (that take place). AL GALLAGHER We just couldn't fit them (under the cap) salary-wise. AL GALLAGHER He can be the Barry Bonds of this league. He's dominant and he can make everyone else better. They w... AL GALLAGHER Charles Peterson is a good ball player. AL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER WINIFRED GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER I wish I could go to the school where my close friends go, but I obviously can't. The good thing... DAVID GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER Anglers find a healthy population of beautiful fish with great coloration. I've had some wonderful d... BROOKS GALLAGHER It's a nice fishery for a small stream. It maintains a self-sustaining population of rainbow and bro... BROOKS GALLAGHER I have fished here fairly regularly for the past five years or so. It's so close that it makes for a... BROOKS GALLAGHER It's right here in our back yard. BROOKS GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER This global world has forever changed market and social conditions. I think our survival is at stake... BRIAN GALLAGHER UPS, its employees and retirees continue to raise the bar each year with their extensive engagement ... BRIAN GALLAGHER It went back and forth. It basically was kind of a controversial call because he didn't get some bac... BRIAN GALLAGHER I don't know anyone at this newspaper who won't be saddened by Karen's departure. Both personally an... BRIAN GALLAGHER I don't know anyone at this newspaper who won't be saddened by Karen's departure, ... Both personall... BRIAN GALLAGHER That is where people start doing things that are slightly different to just doing spots and billboar... BRIAN GALLAGHER The resources are here, BRIAN GALLAGHER The support staff and faculty made it very successful. BRIAN GALLAGHER It was a wonderful start to the school year. The students were excited to be back, the teachers were... BRIAN GALLAGHER In the last couple weeks, we've had an influx. It kind of varies. BRIAN GALLAGHER In order to be successful in our efforts to prevent child abuse and neglect from occurring, we count... BOB GALLAGHER As a community, we honor the courage and dignity of those who rise above their injury and refuse to ... BOB GALLAGHER We have so much. I kind of feel everybody should give a year of service in their country. It doesn't... BOB GALLAGHER I tell people I'm really popular with all the 10-year-olds in my neighborhood. BOB GALLAGHER My girlfriend won't ride in it anymore. BOB GALLAGHER Saves me having to wax it. BOB GALLAGHER America's oil and natural gas industry practices energy efficiency every day within its operations, ... BOB GALLAGHER It seems to me that this is a market where fundamental analysis has fallen flat. If you're looking f... BRETT GALLAGHER Investors had to decide this (Monday) morning whether last week's rally was real or just a knee-jerk... BRETT GALLAGHER I think that the IBM numbers in particular are going to be important. The chatter that I hear is tha... BRETT GALLAGHER There's a general concern about the economy and corporate profits, ... The deals seem to be driven b... BRETT GALLAGHER Everyone has talked about employment being the missing link in the recovery, but as the weekly joble... BRETT GALLAGHER I think it's extremely important for U.S. investors to get this idea. It's slowly becoming more main... BRETT GALLAGHER Some companies have a policy of currency hedging, and you have to factor that into the picture. BRETT GALLAGHER I don't think it adds any certainty to investors' uncertainty about the future. BRETT GALLAGHER Once the market has fallen far and fast, there tends to be a pause. BRETT GALLAGHER It is a little bounce and it's not to be unexpected given how much the markets sold off last week so... BRETT GALLAGHER That kept the momentum in our favor. That was a great goal-line stand by our kids. We almost had one... BILL GALLAGHER We wanted to impose our will. We wanted to execute our game plan and our players did an outstanding ... BILL GALLAGHER We could not have found a better candidate to lead our marketing efforts as the company phases up op... BILL GALLAGHER Our kids challenge each other every day. Our success has brought confidence. And they've earned all ... BILL GALLAGHER Anytime you lose a starter, it hurts. Anyone that comes through our program leaves a piece of himsel... BILL GALLAGHER We always use the last game as a motivational tool. We've come up short. We remind the kids of that ... BILL GALLAGHER In Greeley, our gas stations are neighborhood stores where the clientele is fairly familiar with the... BILL GALLAGHER That was a great experience for our kids to play a big game like that in front of a big crowd. Erie ... BILL GALLAGHER Speed makes (the coaches) look smart. We have to get the ball into the hands of the guys that can do... BILL GALLAGHER Our kids really got something out of that game, which we hope will help us out down the road for the... BILL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER This is a tragic reminder that it may not be enough to review the documents. You may need to follow ... TOM GALLAGHER MAGGIE GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER I commend our investigators and prosecutors for their tenacity in making our state a national leader... TOM GALLAGHER Sheer panic because we were in Florida and there was nothing we could do. JANALEE GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER The American war-writing tradition is a proud one and booming in this era of the Global War on Terro... MATT GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER Either they lied in their proxy if they think this is an aggressive closing date, or they're doing e... JIM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER The birds are relatively silent. The woods, they're like a jungle, just thick foliage, just incredib... TIM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER NOEL GALLAGHER It's a little chicken and egg. The flows tend to follow the market, but when you get a nice six mont... BRETT GALLAGHER That's a generic rule. I don't know if it applies to Bush. TOM GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER PETER GALLAGHER It's always been the case of something you suspect but have never been able to prove. Earnings seem ... BRETT GALLAGHER LIAM GALLAGHER
I like to think 'The God Delusion' is a humorous book. I think, actually, it's full of l... 
I don't think liberals in the media are really that much different from liberals outside the med... 
I have always thought, the secret purpose of the book tour is to make the writer hate the book he... 
He had what he called just a small ration of tools:
I've started doing book reviews for Barnes & Noble! They saw that I did a lot of book review... 
Three publishers came to me at the White House after George lost and said, 'We would like to pub... 
Business book writing for me is when some set of ideas gets stuck in my mind, I write a book about i... 
I think a lot of people saw 'Fight Club' and thought, 'Right, here's our next Che Gu... 
There is an enormous redundancy in every well-written book. With a well-written book I only read the... 
A bunch of liberals wanted to outlaw men gazing at women because the gaze was said to objectify wome... 
You don't want to dwell on your enemies, you know. I basically feel so superior to my critics fo... 
I've read quite a few readers' reviews of my book on Amazon, saying, 'Ah, he criticises ... 
The last book I read before I wrote my first book - 'Ghosts of Manhattan' - was 'The Gol... 
Sometimes, readers, when they're young, are given, say, a book like 'Moby Dick' to read.... 
I didn't want to do a book just to do a book. I wanted to do a book that, if you should read it,... 
Write a book you'd like to read. If you wouldn't read it, why would anybody else? Don't ... 
I suppose what's happened recently has confirmed suspicions I voiced in the book, and I think ma... 
I've written a lot of books in my time, and to write a book about Joe McCarthy and have some of ... 
I've read a lot of books on the laws of attraction, and in my home, I have a big book on Muhamma... 
I get asked to read new works a lot, in the hope that I will give a quotation and I will only give a... 
I love 'To Kill A Mockingbird' - it seems to offer up new layers every time you read it. I a... 
I think maybe it's time for liberals to not start weeping when I say things like 'retard'... 
I don't trust liberals, I trust conservatives. 
In the case of 'Ocean at the End of the Lane,' it's a book about helplessness. It's ... 
I'd love to do an action film. I'd love to do a film based on a book series; I love to read ... 
I've only written one science-fiction book: 'Fahrenheit 451.' That book is a book based ... 
There aren't any liberals left in New York. They've all been mugged by now. 
I didn't read the book on how to be a well-adjusted celebrity. 
When I'm deciding to read a book, I never open to the first chapter, because that's been rev... 
It's extraordinary how many people read a book that's new and weird and befriend it. 
I didn't understand the Kindle's true value until I finished an e-book on the beach. In sixt... 
I had written a book. For various reasons, the publishing industry had decided that my book was goin... 
People say that this new generation is so used to the Internet that their heads are already differen... 
Aaron Sorkin is why people hate liberals. He's a smug, condescending know-it-all who isn't a... 
This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Po... 
No one really knows the value of book tours. Whether or not they're good ideas, or if they impro... 
I write so that people will read what I write. I don't want to write a book that a thousand peop... 
When I read the 'Twilight' book, I didn't see it as fantasy. I saw it as a love story. 
'Pastoralia' by George Saunders. Possibly my favorite book. It's one of the weirdest boo... 
I don't know if I officially proofread my father's book, but I read it. I did get some conce... 
I like the quiet it takes to pursue an idea the way I pursued 'Hamilton,' but I couldn't... 
I don't know where I got the idea for 'The Great Thumbprint Drawing Book'; I just told m... 
In the books I have written, I have created in my mind a universe. My kids say I have a village in m... 
I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals. 
I have written a new book called 'The Golden Motorcycle Gang.' The premise of the book is ta... 
There's a certain kind of conversation you have from time to time at parties in New York about a new... 
I think Hillary and Bill are really liberals at heart. I think that, in addition to being liberals, ... 
The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain'... 
The first grown-up book that I read on my own was a nineteenth-century edition of 'Tales from Li... 
It wouldn't be fair to say that conservatives cherish property the way liberals cherish equality... 
I've written a lot of books now; I've been published for over 30 years. I hope with every bo... 
You notice how liberals keep saying, 'If only Islam would have a Reformation' - it can't... 
I bought a book of Mark Twain quotes. That's about my speed. I'll read a couple quotes and p... 
Mothers are the people who love us for no good reason. And those of us who are mothers know it's... 
What's problematic about playing stadiums and driving around in private jets and drinking champa... 
Everyone knows that if you've got a brother, you're going to fight. 
Europe, which gave us the idea of same-sex marriage, is a dying society, with birthrates 50 percent ... 
I regret the whole worlds that will never come into existence, the children, the grandchildren, all ... 
I do think my old fella wasn't much of a... I don't remember him ever being a 'dad' ... 
I've grown to love California: It's the dream of every English musician to come here and wor... 
Temperamentally anxious people can have a hard time staying motivated, period, because their intense... 
Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like... 
Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child. 
I was about to get a degree in economics when I accepted that I'd be a lousy businessman, and if... 
She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book. 
My eyebrows make a more profound impact on other people than they do on me. I just let 'em grow. 