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I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.


Groucho Marx

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
ALBERT EINSTEIN I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN In terms of fiction, I'd rather go out and have a good time than read a book about someone havin...
JONI MITCHELL Read Don Quixote; it is a very good book; I still read it frequently.
THOMAS SYDENHAM Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX I do have a television over there - it was a gift - but I never turn it on. I'd rather read a bo...
SAM CRAWFORD The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX It is now my favourite book of all time, but then again, I always think that until I read another bo...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY It is now my favorite book of all time, but then again, I always think that until I read another boo...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Kadoka is very good on defense and switches it up quite a bit.
DALLAS RICHTER When I write and develop things myself, I might work for a while on a script from a book, and then I...
BALTASAR KORMAKUR The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Every time you hear someone read your book and liked your book, you're never sure whether that&#...
JOSHUA FERRIS Yes, but another writer I read in high school who just knocked me out was Theodore Dreiser. I read A...
JOAN DIDION I have finished To Kill a Mockingbird. It is now my favorite book of all time, but then again, I alw...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Every book, every volume you see here, has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and of those ...
CARLOS RUIZ ZAFóN I hate going into a room with people in it and the feeling of them staring. I find every moment excr...
KATE DICKIE I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang. It's so frightfully good I...
NANCY MITFORD Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, whic...
JACK HANDY Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years....
CARL SAGAN Every time I got 'Amazing Spider-Man' or 'Fantastic Four' or another book firmly on ...
J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI I'm obsessed with Nicholas Sparks. I've literally read every single book, because every time...
EMMA ROBERTS I'm an observer. I read about life. I research life. I find a corner in a room and melt into it. I c...
CHRISTINE FEEHAN There is an enormous redundancy in every well-written book. With a well-written book I only read the...
MARSHALL MCLUHAN We just really read off each other very well, ... Our timing was unreal. When I jumped into a hole a...
SCOTT YOUNG I suppose every old scholar has had the experience of reading something in a book which was signific...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON Read more. Read every time you go to bed; read in the day - because at least, reading a book, you ca...
THEO JAMES The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I've soaked up so much through dancing, but I also have to be still. I want to be silent and rea...
FKA TWIGS I wrote a book. It sucked. I wrote nine more books. They sucked, too. Meanwhile, I read every single...
BETH REVIS My book is closed, I read no more Watching the fire dance, on the floor I've left my book, I've left...
UNKNOWN I'm very shy really. I spend a lot of time in my room alone reading or writing or watching telev...
JOHNNY CASH I have read every book in the 'Dune' series and every Anne Rice book.
LORRAINE TOUSSAINT It has been the acknowledged right of every Marxist scholar to read into Marx the particular meaning...
JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH My favorite book is 'To Kill A Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. It is multi-layered, and I see so...
KIMBERLY WILLIS HOLT When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna...
MITCH HEDBERG I think that every time you bring a subject into the mainstream landscape of television, it can have...
SHERRI SAUM I find your question bizarre, ... It would be along the line of saying that I shouldn't see a movie ...
JAYSON WILLIAMS I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN Don't join the book burners... Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book.
DWIGHT D EISENHOWER I'll have to have a room of my own. Nobody could sleep with Dick. He wakes up during the night, ...
PAT NIXON I knew it would be very loud and my adrenaline would be up there. Every time I go out there, it's ju...
CRAIG HANSEN I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD A good book is like really loved item at a really good restaurant, every time you go there you order...
K.A CAMERON If I'm watching television and the cable goes out, I tell myself, 'OK, I'll read a book. Family matt...
WALTER REED Why is it, every time I go the mile, another mile comes up?
ANTHONY LICCIONE I've read every oyster book there is, and I always look at oysters first on any menu.
JON DIEBOLD My reading list grows exponentially. Every time I read a book, it'll mention three other books I fee...
A.J. JACOBS But in another, I think a woman's going to go into a shop to find a coat or a jacket and I just ...
MARC JACOBS I am a winner each and every time I go into the ring.
GEORGE FOREMAN I like to get suggestions on what to read. I'll look at Twitter, people I like, people I admire....
VANCE JOY Clearly one must read every good book at least once every ten years.
C.S. LEWIS I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those l...
BRANDON SANDERSON I read all the time. I love it. My fantasy would be to be locked into a library. I'd be very, ve...
PINK I'm quite nosy. Somebody will be reading a book on a train, and I'll go: 'How is it? Is ...
OPHELIA LOVIBOND I try very hard to write the best book I possibly can, every time.
CHARLAINE HARRIS I love watching Crufts on the television, especially the agility tests; I find them very impressive.
VICTORIA PENDLETON I have stolen ideas from every book I have ever read.
PHILIP PULLMAN Every time I reform in one direction I go overboard in another.
MARK TWAIN There are books full of great writing that don't have very good stories. Read sometimes for the stor...
STEPHEN KING There are also books full of great writing that don't have very good stories. Read sometimes for the...
STEPHEN KING For a very long time, I wrote a book a year, and was eager and willing to do it, to put bread on the...
JAN KARON The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a winner each and every time I go into the ring.
GEORGE FOREMAN He is someone I have known for a long time who has been a very good player for me and I wish him eve...
BRIAN LITTLE Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I...
MITCH HEDBERG I am not like Stephen King, who writes one book, then writes another. I finish a book and go off and...
CLIVE CUSSLER An educational approach to money and investing struck me as a very good idea. People do form behavio...
WARREN BUFFETT Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX He was an avid reader, would read a book every two or three days. Then I started to notice the same ...
GAIL BIRD My inspiration for writing is all the wonderful books that I read as a child and that I still read. ...
PATRICIA MACLACHLAN The first time I read an excellent book, it is to me just as if I had gained a new friend. When I ...
OLIVER GOLDSMITH The first time I read an excellent book, it is to me just as if I had gained a new friend. When I re...
OLIVER GOLDSMITH There are a million great books out there if you just go to Google. There's a lot to pull apart....
CAITLIN KITTREDGE Whenever I start a new book, I think, 'This is the most interesting subject of all time. It'...
GRETCHEN RUBIN I pushed all the switches I could push and I even took the steering wheel on and off, because that's...
TONY AVE This is my first time attending this one. It's a good one, very educational.
ROBERT MCGEE We did not have a television while I was growing up, and so I read voraciously. My earliest memory o...
DAN BROWN Every day I turn on my television set and I see Newt Gingrich on television, I rejoice.
MARTIN FROST From age 16, I lived and breathed wine. I read every magazine and book about wine.
GARY VAYNERCHUK I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE Our app for Xbox 360 brings Twitch video to the television and into the living room of millions of X...
EMMETT SHEAR I've no interest in going on a road trip. If I want to go on holiday, I want to sit on a beach, ...
SAM RILEY I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX Every time I go into a tournament, I'm strictly on my own. I know I'm playing for my bread a...
CHARLIE SIFFORD Reading, for me, is like this: consumptive, pleasing, calming, as much as edifying. It's how I feel ...
TARA BRAY SMITH When I travel I normally eat club sandwiches or I bring my own food. When you go into a new town, it...
PAUL PRUDHOMME She was colorful and wonderful. When you do television, it goes into everyone's living room and they...
LUCY LIU How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an...
RONALD REAGAN All television is educational television. The question is: what is it teaching?
NICHOLAS JOHNSON What can we see, read, acquire, but ourselves. Take the book, my friend, and read your eyes out, you...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON I read usually in the morning, in my kitchen at breakfast - a short reading time, usually poetry. I ...
SUE MONK KIDD

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX