I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I think he must be retarded.


Ilona Andrews

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I don't believe he is [mentally retarded]. I don't think there's anything wrong with him.
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ILONA ANDREWS
Saiman reached into the trunk and pulled out a pink tulle tutu.
“No.”
“Yes.” ILONA ANDREWS
I take back what I said about the donkey,’’ Ascanio said. ‘’She’s awesome
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You can’t blame me,” Ascanio said. “Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don’t even h...
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Ascanio..."
"Yes, Consort?"
"I think you misunderstand the whole nature of what it means t...
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I've been assigned to bodyguard you."
You've got to be kidding me.
Derek snorted. ILONA ANDREWS
swore. “Barabas said you might say that. I’m supposed to tell you this.” Ascanio cleared his t...
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Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnyca...
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Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe," Derek said.
"Don Juanabe?" Ascanio pulled out his swords.
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Okay, pull me up."
The rope didn't move.
"Ascanio?" What was it now? Did he see a butterfl...
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Say 'pop.'"
"Pop?"
"That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass.
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And how did your day go?" I asked Ascanio.
He turned to me, a dreamy look on his pretty face....
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Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said.
Derek gave him a withering look.
"...
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Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him ...
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Put your badass faces on and follow me.
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Her face looked like it would shatter any second.
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One day I'll kill him, you know.
I glanced at her. She was deadly serious.
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Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed."
"Yeah, you'd think I was a detective...
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She put her hands over her face. Ah crap. What do I do now? Do I say something, do I not say somethi...
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Andrea, in less than twelve hours, Atlanta will be full of demons. They will kill, feed, and release...
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Are you happy?
When I can get out of my own way.
And the rest of the time?
The rest o...
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It's not a loup cage, you know,' I told her. 'It's a holding cell. Or safe room. or secure room. I d...
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Who is there with you?"

"Raphael"

Kate's voice snapped. "I'll be in Atlanta in...
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Derek, you just don't say things like that to a woman. Keep going this way and you'll spend your lif...
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We can do subtle," I assured her.
"It's our middle name," Andrea added.
For some odd reaso...
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He glued the chair to my ass."
Silence.
"Is it still...attached?"
"I can't get it off...
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Who is Hunter Becker?"
"Becker the Gory? Lighthouse Keepers? Boston?"
"I would've preferre...
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We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns.
How do you know he is a sex fiend?
He i...
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Would you like to work here with me?
We have no clients and the pay is shit.
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Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'.
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What do you mean fainted?
Took a dive, kissed the pavement. Swooned like a southern belle after...
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Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ...
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It’s your duty as my best friend to be outraged with me.”
“I’m outraged!” I snarled....
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I have a serious question."

"I will give a serious answer."

"Can a god be kill...
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I batted my eyelashes and did my best to appear dumb as a board
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The dark scary servant of all evil was on his way to rescue me. Somehow that thought failed to make ...
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Your favorite volhv showed up half an hour ago, complaining about his lack of sleep and stupid gods....
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Some people had attack dogs. Ghastek had attack lawyers.
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The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was...
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My mind struggled to formulate a coherent though, any thought. I opened my mouth. "Your pajamas have...
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Only poor people are weird. Rich people are eccentric.
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I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting
for the other team, I�...
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I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out ...
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You think this is some sort of comedy going on here?” Collins gave him his tough stare.
A lit...
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Bad days, good days, ‘I’ll cut you if you look at me the wrong way’ days. I’ll take them all...
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You’re touching me,” I chided him.
He caressed my back, sliding his hand down, hitting eve...
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Raphael turned me over and looked at me, his face close to mine. "You and I will never be done.You'r...
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Are you implying that our relationship is like a Spanish soap opera?”

“I’m not imp...
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Kate stood by the door with her arms crossed.
That was an anti-Curran pose. What the hell was t...
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Someone pounded on the office door. Barabas moved to the door, slid aside the metal shutter covering...
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My tablecloth was missing in action and long, jagged scratches covered the table's surface.The scrat...
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Since we’re playing that game… I tilted my face up to his and gave him a lovesick gaze.
“...
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The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things,...
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At first glance you looked at Kate and thought “fighter,” maybe merc. Five inches taller than me...
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Curran and Kate stood by the door.
“I can’t believe you decided to come down here and check...
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You’re the most experienced investigator I’ve got who’s not tied up in something, and I can’...
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Kate smirked.
"What?"
"Your horse looks pink."
"So?"
"If you paste some stars on...
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It’s never a good thing when the black volhv says “Uh-oh” and then runs for his life.
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Our standard rate. A doubloon a day."
It was generous. More than generous--some families would ...
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So, regarding that tidbit about your having a fertile imagination when it comes to private activitie...
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Rumors said that if he got drunk enough, he sometimes got his jollies by stripping naked and scaring...
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The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell a...
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Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the momen...
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Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!
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I'm welding the bimbo room shut.
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Was his body made out of orange rocks and did he at any point yell 'It's clobbering time'?"
"I ...
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You should name him Fezzik."
"Inconceivable.
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