I had forgotten. Disgust shadows desire.
Another life is never safely envied.

A young gratuitous smile; trust and distrust;
Promiscuities of bed and board and road;
The one assured treasure
A life, in recollection, truly possessed.

I wanted to explain myself to myself in an understandable way. I gave shape to my fears and made excuses. I varied my velocities, watched myselves sleep. Something's not right about what I'm doing but I'm still doing it-- living in the worst parts, ruining myself. My inner life is a sheet of black glass. If I fell through the floor I would keep falling.
The enormity of my desire disgusts me.

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!

I saw the spiders marching through the air,
Swimming from tree to tree that mildewed day
In latter August when the hay
Came creaking to the barn. But where
The wind is westerly,
Where gnarled November makes the spiders fly
Into the apparitions of the sky,
They purpose nothing but their ease and die
Urgently beating east to sunrise and the sea;

Keep Moving...
Move forward
Let go
Give in
Decide
and just Do
Progress every day
And make one step forward no matter what's in your way
Keep moving, till one day you wake up and you're there.