I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot [on the road as a standup comic], between airport security and the weather...I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport.

I'm not blaming the weather, but when you're in an environment where nobody's paying attention to politics, don't get in the water. Your message gets crowded out.

Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are.