I know, especially in my family, people's feelings get hurt over the tiniest things. I'm sure that's true in every family. But, for instance, one year, I came a little bit late to Thanksgiving, and I was supposed to bring a salad. And I just brought a bag of lettuce, and put it in a bowl. Five years later, I heard that my mom was incensed.


Jonathan Krisel

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One of the oddest features of western Christianized culture is its ready acceptance of the myth of t...
JONATHAN RABAN
I will venture to affirm, that the three seasons wherein our corn has miscarried did no more contrib...
JONATHAN SWIFT
It is a maxim among these lawyers, that whatever hath been done before, may legally be done again: a...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Come, agree, the law's costly.
JONATHAN SWIFT
There's none so blind as they that won't see.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own; wh...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Brutes find out where their talents lie;
A bear will not attempt to fly,
A foundered horse w...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Over emphatic negatives always suggest that what is being denied may be what is really being asserte...
JONATHAN RABAN
But when a Man
JONATHAN SWIFT
Pretense is the overrating of any kind of knowledge we pretend to.
JONATHAN SWIFT
There are two sorts of hypocrites; ones that are deceived with their outward morality and external r...
JONATHAN EDWARDS
Attitudes to museums have changed. If it had Marilyn Monroe's knickers or Laurence Olivier's jockstr...
JONATHAN MILLER
Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected.
JONATHAN EDWARDS
I said there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving by words ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Interest is the spur of the people, but glory that of great souls. Invention is the talent of youth,...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I wont quarrel with my bread and butter.
JONATHAN SWIFT
I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
JONATHAN SWIFT
It was a bold person that first ate an oyster.
JONATHAN SWIFT
A bad forgery's the ultimate insult.
JONATHAN GASH
Promises and pie crusts are made to be broken.
JONATHAN SWIFT
But you think that it is time for me to have done with the world, and so I would if I could get into...
JONATHAN SWIFT
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Ambition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same positi...
JONATHAN SWIFT
And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I warrant you lay abed till the cows came home.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Faith, that's as well said as if I had said it myself.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
JONATHAN LARSON
Reason is a very light rider, and easily shook off.
JONATHAN SWIFT
There's an enduring American compulsion to be on the side of the angels. Expediency alone has never ...
JONATHAN RABAN
What she doesn't say is just as important as what she does say -- but there's so much more of it. I ...
JONATHAN KATZ
Nor do they trust their tongue alone, but speak a language of their own; can read a nod, a shrug, a ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.
JONATHAN SWIFT
As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a...
JONATHAN SWIFT
How we apples swim.
JONATHAN SWIFT
Instead of dirt and poison, we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax, thus furnis...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Convey a libel in a frown. And wink a reputation down!
JONATHAN SWIFT
For in reason, all government without the consent of the governed is the very definition of slavery.
JONATHAN SWIFT
The worthiest people are the most injured by slander, as is the best fruit which the birds have been...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
JONATHAN SWIFT
They say fingers were made before forks, and hands before knives.
JONATHAN SWIFT
What some invent the rest enlarge.
JONATHAN SWIFT
I heard the little bird say so.
JONATHAN SWIFT
A prince, the moment he is crown'd, Inherits every virtue sound, As emblems of the sovereign p...
JONATHAN SWIFT
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody else has thought.
JONATHAN SWIFT
So, naturalists observe, a flea Has smaller fleas that on him prey; And these have smaller sti...
JONATHAN SWIFT
A nice man is a man of nasty ideas.
JONATHAN SWIFT
In all distresses of our friends We first consult our private ends; While Nature, kindly bent ...
JONATHAN SWIFT
A man suffers death himself as often as he loses those dear to him.
JONATHAN SWIFT
He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be p...
JONATHAN SWIFT