I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.
Robin Williams
Related When I started comedy, I was a big Eddie Murphy fan. I thought if you did stand-up, you were suppose... LIL REL HOWERY I've been on the floor and I've been heartbroken. I didn't know how I was going to stand... SANDRA BULLOCK Before discovering theater, I was sloughing off and didn't have any passion for school. Then I c... GARY SINISE Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else'... CHELSEA HANDLER I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do. CAROL BURNETT Back when I was in school, few people understood dyslexia and what to do for it. My teachers thought... RICHARD BRANSON Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what... BILL BURR All of my life, when things got too difficult, I folded up the tent and went to bed. I couldn't ... PHOEBE SNOW I just decided that I wasn't going to gain anything by going to school, since we couldn't af... KERRY STOKES I use to stand up for what I believe, now, I believe in what I stand up for. MARIE-SUZANNE LABELLE (A.K.A MARIE-SUE) I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up. GEORGE LOPEZ A lot of improvisers mistakenly assume stand-up is awful, because there are a lot of stand-ups in th... KURT BRAUNOHLER I was very lucky when I started doing comedy because I hadn't seen much stand-up. I just got up ... NATASHA LEGGERO They said if I could deal with the pain, I should play. So, I did, and for some reason, I started hi... FREDDIE FREEMAN I started doing '30 Rock' and started writing 'Mystery Team' at the beginning of tha... DONALD GLOVER I was a WASP kid going to a high school that was 99 percent Jewish and I wanted attention and I want... JAMES ELLROY I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I d... DAVE ATTELL It was the most pleasurable thing I've ever done, playing this character, and I just remember fe... JENNA ELFMAN There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really... JOHN OLIVER I've never had issues with popularity. I was always a popular guy... I've always had friends... JONAH HILL I left school at sixteen - I was fed up and restless. The only thing that interested me at school wa... HAROLD PINTER I stand up for what I believe. I don't know if it's always paid off for me, because I've... KEVIN COSTNER My dad was pretty strict. We didn't even get to watch any of his movies until I was, like, 17 ye... DAMON WAYANS, JR. My dad used to ignore me when I was a kid. He couldn't stand my voice, so he just used to ignore... ALISON GOLDFRAPP Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that c... BILLY GARDELL Sobering up was responsible for breaking up my marriage. That's what it couldn't stand. JAMES TAYLOR Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carr... JOHNNY VEGAS Sometimes people ask me, 'You do stand-up?' I try explaining what I do, and I don't thin... CHARLYNE YI When I graduated from college, I went straight to work for a federal contractor, a desk job, and the... MAGGIE STIEFVATER One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian... EUGENE LEVY Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can't jus... BILL BURR I've always been me. I've always been very direct and have told the truth and have been very... BEV PERDUE I could've always worked shows, clubs, Las Vegas and Atlantic City, but I was successful in busi... GABE KAPLAN When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me... ZACH GALIFIANAKIS I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES With Yale, my world got so big all of a sudden. At school, if you could dream it, someone would make... BELLAMY YOUNG When I was younger, coming up in this industry, I was 17, 18 years old. You couldn't tell me Bey... LIL MAMA When I was younger, I didn't have the finer things in life. It was around me - the cars, the jew... LARENZ TATE By the time I got writing 'Halcyon,' I was on a roll, and I realized I had so much to write ... ELLIE GOULDING This is terrible, when a writer is bored by his own work, but it was a real bomb and had reached the... DAVID EDDINGS Stand-up will always be my first love, and it has been the primary way I've expressed myself sin... HARI KONDABOLU I've loved the Internet space in terms of creative content control and ownership, the things I h... KEVIN POLLAK I started to do a study on how not to do stand-up comedy. Yeah, it's lonely work. You die, you d... JIM VARNEY I left school early in my last year before I took my A-levels. I wasn't expelled. It was just a ... TOM STURRIDGE And if I would have taken lessons I probably wouldn't have done it, and what forced me to do all... EDDIE VAN HALEN You've got to find a way to relate to people. I just did an improvised episode for Joe Swanberg&... GUGU MBATHA-RAW When they stood up and I stayed where I was, he asked me if I was going to stand and I told him that... ROSA PARKS First of all, I was a good Christian kid. My mom and dad taught me never to fight. So I never fought... FRANK PERETTI I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn'... RON WHITE By high school, I was telling everyone, 'Oh, I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up,' b... AJA NAOMI KING I just couldn't stand school. If I went, I'd skip after the first class. I didn't like t... RANDY TRAVIS Stand-up can take you in so many different places, man. So many doors can be opened up from stand-up... KEVIN HART Growing up, I've had plenty of obstacles, but to be honest, I didn't always have doubters. I... ROMAN REIGNS When I started acting, I was told over and over again, 'You're no good.' But I said to m... SALMA HAYEK I've definitely, you know, been with women. And I've had great relationships with them where... LANCE BASS It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sin... DICK GREGORY I love theatre. It's far more satisfying than film. Sometimes there's a collective sigh from... KATIE LEUNG I did stand-up for a good number of years while I was still living in New York, and those people pri... SAMM LEVINE I've always been terrified about not having money. I've been a big saver and a big earner. W... CHERIE LUNGHI I couldn't make ends meet. I tried Red Lobster. I tried Wal-Mart. I tried all these places and I... ANNA NICOLE SMITH I've been doing stand-up just about every night since I started in 1989. It's my home base. ... JUDAH FRIEDLANDER Once in high school, I completely over plucked my left eyebrow all the way up to where you're no... ASHLEY TISDALE I woke up an hour before I was supposed to, and started going over the mental checklist: where do I ... ALAN SHEPARD I'm in a sketch comedy group in school and I also do stand-up. JACK QUAID The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being ce... DONALD GLOVER You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to ... BILL BURR My parents couldn't handle my energy so they enrolled me in every sport the school was offering.... CHANNING TATUM I remember seeing 'Aladdin' when I was five or six and loving it. I looked at the big screen... DARREN CRISS The rise of King Crimson was so fast that, to me, it felt as if it was going out of control. And it ... MICHAEL GILES I've always had a longstanding dream, ever since I was a kid, where I was running on a big lake ... GARRETT HEDLUND I'm someone who started in the theater and really couldn't stand repeating the show. My favo... LIEV SCHREIBER I've always had high expectations of myself. I've never felt that there was anything I could... DAK PRESCOTT I wasn't very good as a puppet. A lot of times in a movie, you need a really good puppeteer: you... DANA CARVEY Even before I did stand-up, I've always been the kind of guy - and I talk about it on stage - wh... LARRY THE CABLE GUY I'm really tall, and I used slouch and think it was really uncool to stand up straight - now I w... SARAH PARISH I've gone far in the movie business, but no matter how far I go, every time I pick up the phone ... DAWN STEEL When I was growing up, I was so fascinated by Mel Blanc and all of the different voices that he did ... JENNY SLATE I started singing in pubs and clubs around Belfast when I was 10. My dad is a musician, and he took ... RACHEL TUCKER I always said that if I could just find a guy who could chop wood and had a nice smile, it wouldn... SADE ADU He imitated me so well that I couldn't stand myself any longer. GEORGES POMPIDOU I didn't always want to act. My passion was writing, and it still is one of my primary passions ... BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD I'm so happy in the projects that I'm able to make, to be involved in projects like this. Th... JENNIFER CONNELLY I never went to acting school. I started in the circus, music hall, I was in a group, did kids' ... RUPERT GRAVES You do stand-up because you have to do it. If you're doing it to become 'famous,' you... RUSSELL PETERS I grew up watching stuff with Jim Carey, Robin Williams and Sandra Bullock in them. I've always ... AMANDA CREW I was shaking so badly after he left. I couldn't sit down and I couldn't stand up. KATIE MCGRATH I was so upset with what was going on in the world. I just couldn't stand the idea of being peop... VIVIENNE WESTWOOD My kids are in school and in all these clubs - chess club, fashion club, you name it. When my dad ca... OMAR DORSEY I was going to school thinking I was going to do something entirely different, thought acting was ju... VINESSA SHAW That's where it all started for me, in clubs and bars, and I don't ever wanna outgrow that. COLE SWINDELL I'm always thinking I'm messing up. I did a lot of classes. I can't stand being on stage... TRAVIS FIMMEL Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's give... JOE ROGAN I was a lousy nun. I couldn't do it. I couldn't find God. It wasn't suitable for me. It ... KAREN ARMSTRONG My father had the bug. Ever since I can remember walking, he was waking me up at 5 in the morning to... DUSTIN YELLIN I kept being asked by corporations to do corporate gigs. And I said, 'I don't have anything.... JASON ALEXANDER I was always the class clown; I made my family laugh, and that was when I was always happiest. I gre... SARAH SILVERMAN During my stage shows, I am so energetic. It's constant! I just don't stand still. I actuall... JESSIE J There'll be a whole lot of things you ain't gonna want to do, but you'll have to do in this life jus... MILDRED D. TAYLOR I know my family and I would always go up to the mountains just for fun. We always skied. Then, all ... SHAUN WHITE I've gone on streaks where I haven't shot the ball well here, but I was always making up for... J. R. SMITH
More Robin Williams
The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke,... ROBIN WILLIAMS In the process of looking for comedy, you have to be deeply honest. And in doing that, you'll fi... ROBIN WILLIAMS There's a show in America where all these people compete with ferrets, and they don't even d... ROBIN WILLIAMS I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born. ROBIN WILLIAMS The idea of having a steady job is appealing. ROBIN WILLIAMS I'm much more open to being a supporting actor right now. At the age of 60, I'll be second f... ROBIN WILLIAMS Winning an Oscar is an honor, but, between you and me, it does not makes things easier. ROBIN WILLIAMS Tweets? That stuff kills conversation. And people taking pictures with their phone or recording you,... ROBIN WILLIAMS You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dan... ROBIN WILLIAMS I love kids, but they are a tough audience. ROBIN WILLIAMS I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Z... ROBIN WILLIAMS Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started. ROBIN WILLIAMS I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was... ROBIN WILLIAMS When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always though... ROBIN WILLIAMS A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. ROBIN WILLIAMS I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of... ROBIN WILLIAMS I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of be... ROBIN WILLIAMS I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out. ROBIN WILLIAMS One of my favourite actors of all time, although he doesn't necessarily play villains, is Peter ... ROBIN WILLIAMS I think 'Dead Poets' was probably my favorite, just to get started with the idea of doing a ... ROBIN WILLIAMS I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal. ROBIN WILLIAMS I loved school, maybe too much, really. I was summa cum laude in high school. I was driven that way. ROBIN WILLIAMS Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to cre... ROBIN WILLIAMS Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ROBIN WILLIAMS Reality: What a concept! ROBIN WILLIAMS If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? ROBIN WILLIAMS If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing. ROBIN WILLIAMS What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. ROBIN WILLIAMS Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma. ROBIN WILLIAMS The improv, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field... ROBIN WILLIAMS In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski... ROBIN WILLIAMS We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. ROBIN WILLIAMS Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, ... ROBIN WILLIAMS My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive -... ROBIN WILLIAMS I was only a leading man for a minute; now I'm a character actor. ROBIN WILLIAMS Sometimes you have to make a movie to make money. ROBIN WILLIAMS Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. ROBIN WILLIAMS When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?' ROBIN WILLIAMS You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks. ROBIN WILLIAMS I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance. ROBIN WILLIAMS Performing comedy in San Francisco to begin with is pretty wild. You've got to - you've got ... ROBIN WILLIAMS I only ever play Vegas one night at a time. It's a hideous, gaudy place; it may not be the end o... ROBIN WILLIAMS I have an idea for a movie called 'The Walken Dead' which is about a town where, instead of ... ROBIN WILLIAMS A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They... ROBIN WILLIAMS We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. ROBIN WILLIAMS Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Do... ROBIN WILLIAMS For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. ... ROBIN WILLIAMS In America they really do mythologise people when they die. ROBIN WILLIAMS The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. ROBIN WILLIAMS When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone i... ROBIN WILLIAMS I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform i... ROBIN WILLIAMS Death is nature's way of saying, Your table's ready. ROBIN WILLIAMS Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. ROBIN WILLIAMS You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. -Robin Williams. ROBIN WILLIAMS Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' ROBIN WILLIAMS Carpe per diem - seize the check. ROBIN WILLIAMS Neil: The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. ROBIN WILLIAMS Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother. ROBIN WILLIAMS Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures�... ROBIN WILLIAMS God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the ... ROBIN WILLIAMS See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a ti... ROBIN WILLIAMS Mr. Keating: Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary. ROBIN WILLIAMS Mr. Keating: Carpe Diem! Sieze the day! ROBIN WILLIAMS Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!" ROBIN WILLIAMS Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. ROBIN WILLIAMS If ballet were easy, they'd call it football ROBIN WILLIAMS Cocaine is God's way of telling you you're making too much money. ROBIN WILLIAMS Cricket is basically baseball on valium. ROBIN WILLIAMS You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ROBIN WILLIAMS Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ROBIN WILLIAMS I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. ROBIN WILLIAMS Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they ch... ROBIN WILLIAMS Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did y... ROBIN WILLIAMS The 'Aladdin' thing - that's not work; that's just fun. Three days in the recording ... ROBIN WILLIAMS From the point of view of being in the public radar, comedians have less problems than other actors.... ROBIN WILLIAMS If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. ROBIN WILLIAMS People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. ROBIN WILLIAMS I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It... ROBIN WILLIAMS Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' ROBIN WILLIAMS No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. ROBIN WILLIAMS I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more pre... ROBIN WILLIAMS You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ROBIN WILLIAMS Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ROBIN WILLIAMS I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in l... ROBIN WILLIAMS Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. ROBIN WILLIAMS Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party. ROBIN WILLIAMS I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with... ROBIN WILLIAMS It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking ... ROBIN WILLIAMS The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. ROBIN WILLIAMS The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.&... ROBIN WILLIAMS Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green ... ROBIN WILLIAMS The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell... ROBIN WILLIAMS I knew Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were really talented. As actors, they were both studly young men, ... ROBIN WILLIAMS Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. ROBIN WILLIAMS I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. ROBIN WILLIAMS Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students. ROBIN WILLIAMS See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a t... ROBIN WILLIAMS Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. ROBIN WILLIAMS Comedy is acting out optimism. ROBIN WILLIAMS Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money. ROBIN WILLIAMS Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT! ROBIN WILLIAMS There have been two different drafts (of the script). The hard part about following it up is at the ... ROBIN WILLIAMS The moments of comedy are there. But the whole idea of a vacation is the stripping away of stuff and... ROBIN WILLIAMS They make these outrageous comedies and just use these kids as props. They're not beings who are tra... ROBIN WILLIAMS Without (the reality), it's just slamming into things. If you start with that physical comedy, then ... ROBIN WILLIAMS I feel like I'm a big human snot. ROBIN WILLIAMS a weird combination of isolation and connection and disconnection; discomfort and awkwardness. ROBIN WILLIAMS When exactly did Ted Kennedy become Jabba the Hutt? He's not a macy's day float! Bring him down it's... ROBIN WILLIAMS I still think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie ... ROBIN WILLIAMS He loved politics. He was always an activist on that level, always a fighter. ROBIN WILLIAMS I am job... ROBIN WILLIAMS The only weapon we have is comedy. ROBIN WILLIAMS Gay robbers came in last night and rearranged the living room ROBIN WILLIAMS We've been through quite a few. We're very aware and cautious with hurricanes, ROBIN WILLIAMS Bicentennial Man, ROBIN WILLIAMS I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker! ROBIN WILLIAMS We show-ed a lot of intensity on defense early. But we missed one of our point guards who is the spa... ROBIN WILLIAMS We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to e... ROBIN WILLIAMS But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be. ROBIN WILLIAMS Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, ... ROBIN WILLIAMS The brightest light has gone out. ROBIN WILLIAMS God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time ROBIN WILLIAMS Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio. ROBIN WILLIAMS I believe that once we are all gone, Keith Richards will still be here...with 5 cockroaches saying '... ROBIN WILLIAMS I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now ROBIN WILLIAMS I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out. ROBIN WILLIAMS We're all worms, but I do believe I'm a glowworm. ROBIN WILLIAMS They tell me now that SpongeBob is gay. SquarePants is not gay. Tight pants maybe. SpongeBob Hot Pan... ROBIN WILLIAMS When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in th... ROBIN WILLIAMS Look at us -- we're a San Francisco wedding cake. ROBIN WILLIAMS The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or... ROBIN WILLIAMS Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing. ROBIN WILLIAMS What is a stealth bomber? It's a bomber that doesn't show up on radar, and you can't see it. Then we... ROBIN WILLIAMS In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you comm... ROBIN WILLIAMS When the media ask him [George W. Bush] a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?' ROBIN WILLIAMS I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster. ROBIN WILLIAMS There are so many beautiful parts of the world . . . Thailand, Italy, the south of France. There are... ROBIN WILLIAMS Carpe per diem-seize the check. ROBIN WILLIAMS With film roles, it just has to be a character either I haven't done before, or a role with some... ROBIN WILLIAMS Freud: If its not one thing, its your mother. ROBIN WILLIAMS Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many; and "tics" meaning bloodsucking creatures. ROBIN WILLIAMS We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities. ROBIN WILLIAMS Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then. ROBIN WILLIAMS We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictator... ROBIN WILLIAMS Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are. ROBIN WILLIAMS If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? ROBIN WILLIAMS It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wond... ROBIN WILLIAMS We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of... ROBIN WILLIAMS I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is... ROBIN WILLIAMS I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence. The idea of being a character who i... ROBIN WILLIAMS You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it lik... ROBIN WILLIAMS Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not f**king empow... ROBIN WILLIAMS My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. ROBIN WILLIAMS [· Also on DVD: A two-disc] Fern Gully . . . The Last Rainforest, ... Pet Alien. ROBIN WILLIAMS After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my ... ROBIN WILLIAMS People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. ROBIN WILLIAMS Steve was that little boy in 'Deliverance' who played the banjo, ROBIN WILLIAMS We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a... ROBIN WILLIAMS . . . when you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things. ROBIN WILLIAMS I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're... ROBIN WILLIAMS And then there was [Secretary of Defense Donald] Rumsfeld coming out and saying, "I don't know when.... ROBIN WILLIAMS And I love to ride my bike, which is great aerobics, but also just a great time for me to think, so ... ROBIN WILLIAMS It has this scope that's outrageous, but yet at the core, these very intimate scenes, so that alone ... ROBIN WILLIAMS I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. ROBIN WILLIAMS Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus. ROBIN WILLIAMS If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. ROBIN WILLIAMS I had a lovely military flight, thank you. I love spiraling in -- nothing like that to make your col... ROBIN WILLIAMS The brightest light has gone out. We will forever celebrate her loving spirit. ROBIN WILLIAMS [I was] hoping for the fallout of girls that would go for him. I was kind of his fool. We went throu... ROBIN WILLIAMS I think it takes Barry. ROBIN WILLIAMS After a while, you just kind of chill. It just becomes a whole different lifestyle and no one bother... ROBIN WILLIAMS We are so thrilled that Watson has partnered with us as we continue to improve the health care in ou... ROBIN WILLIAMS It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you- when he comes down fro... ROBIN WILLIAMS When in doubt, go for the dick joke. ROBIN WILLIAMS His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. ROBIN WILLIAMS My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. ROBIN WILLIAMS If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there. ROBIN WILLIAMS The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." She... ROBIN WILLIAMS What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. ROBIN WILLIAMS If you masturbated with your left hand, would it be like being touched by a retarded person? ROBIN WILLIAMS When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in. ROBIN WILLIAMS There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for ex... ROBIN WILLIAMS The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs ROBIN WILLIAMS I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it�... ROBIN WILLIAMS We constantly stress defense and that was the difference. ROBIN WILLIAMS I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be. ROBIN WILLIAMS You're only given a spark of madness. You musn't lose it. ROBIN WILLIAMS Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures". ROBIN WILLIAMS Why do they call it rush hour if no one moves? ROBIN WILLIAMS God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the ... ROBIN WILLIAMS You can fool some of the people some of the time and the rest you can jerk off ROBIN MCLAURIN WILLIAMS Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. ROBIN MCLAURIN WILLIAMS The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time. ROBIN MCLAURIN WILLIAMS See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane. ROBIN MCLAURIN WILLIAMS Sometimes I regret that the wonderful children's stories that have been made into movies were - ... ROBIN HOBB Commerce is against morality. Morality is going to lose every time. ROBIN DAY I was also lucky to play for an owner, Bud Selig, who truly cared about his players. He'd call m... ROBIN YOUNT Bob Dylan and John Lennon and Bruce Springsteen, these are soul guys. Bruce Springsteen might not si... ROBIN THICKE I think ever since I started to read, there have been favorite novels for different stages of my lif... ROBIN HOBB I developed the pilot for 'Entertainment Tonight' with Jack Haley, Jr. and Al Masini, who be... ROBIN LEACH