I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I am consciously surrendering conciousness.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

Résumé
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.