I look back at James one last time, and he gives me his signature smile, wide and cocky. but it's not real. Sometimes I think it's never real. James is the best at hiding his pain, disgusing the feelings. He knows what it takes to stay out of the Program. He'll keep us safe.
He promised.

His angry expression softens, and then he shoves my shoulder playfully.
"Hey!" I push him back, to which he retaliates until I'm finally smiling.
I love how we can do that--break through the misery to always find each other.

I already know your sister is smarter. She's prettier than me too, but I didn't bet on that. I just wanted you to call her in here so she'd look at me again. It was worth the five bucks.

But when it comes to Michael Realm, I might be a little murderous. But just a little." He pinches his fingers together.

After all, suicide is contagious.

Truth is, I don't know what Deacon wants anymore - it's not just physical. Whatever it is must scare him, though, and I'm the one who ends up getting hurt. So I make the concerted effort to resist his temptation, even if sometimes I'd like nothing more than to surround myself with his affection.